Doris and the Olympians
by markaren
Summary: When a pegasus crashes into the apartment of Doris, a scythian dracanae, adventure ensues.
1. Feathered Kamikaze

This is set in the wonderful world of Percy Jackson and the Olympians by Rick Riordan. I highly recommend the series if you haven't read it.

Now I could start this tale with a bang. A pegasus slamming through my apartment's balcony door like an oversized pigeon counts as one, but I believe a proper introduction is in order first.

My name is Doris, and this is my story. I'm a monster, a creature from Greek mythology. To be more specific I'm a scythian dracanae, which means from the waist up I'm a normal woman, but from the waist down I have snake legs. This would make blending in with the population here in New York City difficult, except for the existence of the mist.

The mist is so useful. It distorts what mortals perceive, and paying rent is much easier when your landlord can't tell the difference between a dollar and monopoly money. However, the day this started wasn't the first Saturday of the month so I didn't have to bamboozle him. June 15th dawned nice and sunny, with just a hint of cloud cover. I treated myself to some cereal while watching the morning news. The top story was about a fissure opening up in Central Park. It was the first clue that this day was going to go sideways.

"… News, live from Central Park, where a gaping chasm has opened in the ground. I'm here with an eyewitness who saw the whole thing. Sir, what did you see?"

The female reporter turned towards what looked like a crazy hobo. His eyes were wild, his hair unkempt, and as he began to speak I could see that his teeth were yellow. "It was terrible! First the ground shook, and then the earth opened up. I heard it leave, and I also heard the screams that came with it!"

The reporter seemed startled by this. "… Sir, are you trying to say that something came out of the chasm?"

The hobo fidgeted. "Well I didn't actually look into it. I've seen Indiana Jones, I know not to look at biblical things when they open up. And… and that hole there opening up while emitting the wailing of the damned was definitely something biblical!"

The reporter paused for a moment. "Well there you have it folks. Did a portal to Hell open up in Central Park, or just to my mother-in-law's soul? America, you decide."

The news then moved on to something more boring and I lost interest. Some human interest piece about a missing local woman and her delinquent son.

Continuing with my morning routine, I went outside to my apartment's small balcony. My snake legs needed sunlight and warmth to get the cold blood pumping. I was still there a few hours later when the pegasus streaked into my apartment like a feathered kamikaze. Of course I didn't actually know that it was a pegasus right then, I was too busy engaging my 'get out of the way' instincts. It was when I rose up from behind the couch to take stock of my apartment that I first saw her.

 **Doris and the Olympians: the Sword of Damocles**

The coffee table, the glass door, and half the kitchen chairs were reduced to kindling. Shards of wood and glass littered the floor. Lastly, the pegasus that had caused all of this lay on its side near my couch.

I moved closer to examine its body. If you've ever seen a horse up close, you'll understand it when I say that it was _big._ It's one thing to see an animal in drawings and sculptures, and another thing entirely to see several hundred pounds of flesh and muscle in person. The poor beast definitely wouldn't fit in a garbage bag, I'd have to dispose of it some other way. Its beautiful midnight black fur and feathers were marred by numerous cuts and scratches. The worst was a deep wound on its back between the wings, which was completely coated with blood.

I wondered how it had ended up here. Were pegasi like birds, unable to see glass until it was too late? Did an uppity halfblood try to ride to the home of the gods (currently anchored to the Empire State Building), only to get smacked down and sending it and its poor mount on separate trajectories? Was this the result of a failed test of an anti-monster PGM, a pegasi guided missile?

After all, while pegasi were monsters just as I was, they usually sided with the halfblood children of the gods in the age old struggle between monsters and (half) humans. Pegasus himself assisted the hero Bellerophon for a time, and his descendants have followed his lead.

Then its eyes opened. Two iridescent orbs rolled around in their sockets as I tried to process the fact that it was still alive. Then the eyes closed and the pegasus began to emit pained horse noises.

I froze. For a brief moment, I debated fetching my spear and ending the poor beast's misery. Isn't that what often happened with animals that were too badly hurt? I thought it was dead at first after all, and it was definitely in severe pain.

Then my mind flashed back several decades to a day when a young girl brought home an injured cat to her parents. I shuddered. Never again.

That still left the question of what to do with the pegasus. I couldn't just leave it here to bleed on my floor forever, and if I wasn't going to kill it, well, that only left one thing. Helping it.

I was very careful in approaching it. While I wasn't an expert on pegasi or horses, I knew that being kicked by one was similar to being hit by a car. That was _not_ something I wanted happening to me. Plus, if I spooked it, it might injure itself in panic.

"Hey there." I said softly. "I'm going to try and help you."

At these words the creature's eyes snapped open to look at me. I felt like shrinking back under its gaze, but I wouldn't back down. For a brief eternity we both stared at each other. The pegasus was the first to look away, nodding slightly.

I set to work. Grabbing my first aid kit, I started with what was obviously wrong. I pulled out wooden splinters and glass shards, dressed the bleeding wounds, and tried to smooth out the ruffled feathers in its wings. As I worked I became acquainted with the facts that this was a female pegasus, and that her blood got into absolutely everything. After what felt like hours I managed to finish addressing her various cuts and gashes. If there were any broken bones or anything else wrong with her I couldn't treat it.

After checking again to make sure she was still alive, I grabbed paper towels and began to clean up the golden blood that coated the pegasus, the floor, and myself. Hours passed as I furiously scrubbed at the stubborn blood stains, swept up debris off the floor, and replaced the shattered balcony door with the spare bedsheet and liberal amounts of duct tape. By nighttime I was left with a battered apartment, two band aids, and a pegasus that looked more like an Egyptian mummy than a creature out of Greek myth.

In the meantime I had come across a problem. I didn't know the pegasus's name. Seeing as it lacked any tags, collars, or any other marks of identification, it was up to me, myself, and my imagination to come up with a name.

Unfortunately Pegasus was already taken. I looked at the pegasus's iridescent eyes, then to her midnight black fur. Back at the multicolored eyes, then to a mane that was the color of coal. Back to the rainbow eyes, and then to her pitch black tail.

"I'm going to call you Rainbow." I stated confidently. "Blackie is a dog's name anyways."

The newly named Rainbow sighed and closed her eyes. Whether it was a sigh of acquiescence, protest, or resignation was beyond me.

"It's a good name!" I defended, just in case.

Rainbow opened her namesake eyes to look at me and gave a tiny, almost imperceptible nod. Score!

By this point it was well past dinnertime and I just wanted the day to end. As bad as I would feel if my guest died during the night, I did need to get some sleep. I had also done everything I could do for her. Yet I still found myself nervously standing near Rainbow, wondering if there was anything else that could be done. Her eyes opened and looked at me, and I shrank before them.

"I… I'm going to bed soon. Do you need anything?" I bit out.

She stared at me. Could pegasi even talk? I would feel silly if after this I learned that pegasi couldn't talk. She seemed to understand English though, so maybe she could write, or learn to write, or play charades, or –

The pegasus interrupted that train of thought by giving her head a small shake from side to side.

I went to my room and prepare for bed. Just before I fell asleep a flash of inspiration struck me. I took the top sheets off of my bed and dragged them into the living room. Draping them over my guest assuaged my conscience, and I returned to my room and fell asleep.


	2. Canine Complications

As much as I would have liked the night before to be a dream (or a nightmare I guess), when morning came I found the pegasus right where I left her. Her chest was still rising and falling in a slow rhythm, so that was good.

After I finished breakfast, I went to change Rainbow's bandages. When I took off the first bandage, I gasped. Instead of the raw or scabbed skin I had expected, there was perfectly unblemished skin underneath. Apart from noticeably shorter fur there was no way to tell that there had been a cut there in the first place. Did pegasi have accelerated healing?

I closely examined the rest of her. Short fur and small feathers coated the areas that had been injured yesterday. Where glass and splinters had dug into her hide, only scabs remained. The only part of her that remained visibly injured was her back, where blood continued to slowly ooze out from the much reduced wound.

I removed the unnecessary bandages and placed my penultimate band aid on the remaining wound. Then I paused for a moment and took a deep breath.

"Hey Rainbow?" I prompted.

Her eyes opened, and I could feel the weight of her gaze press down on me.

"This is going to hurt." I warned.

The eyes closed, and I relaxed a little. I placed my hands on one of the now unnecessary band aids. The new fur had grown enough to push them off of the no-longer wounds and allowed me to easily peek under them. Unfortunately this meant that the band aids were now firmly attached to the pegasus's fur, and weren't far enough off the skin to cut with scissors. I yanked the first band aid off.

One of Rainbow's legs pistoned _right_ past my head, moving faster than I could see. I yelped out a curse in ancient Greek, (something I'd rather not translate) and fell on my rear. For a moment all I could hear was the beating of my heart, and what I thought for a moment was an apology from Rainbow. But that would be silly, pegasi don't talk.

My heartbeat slowed down and Rainbow's leg slowly retracted.

"I did warn you." I said with a half-hearted laugh.

I repositioned myself so that I wasn't in danger of being kicked to death and ripped off the next band aid. This time Rainbow's only reaction was to twitch a little bit. For the rest of the band aids she didn't move at all.

"There, done!" I said as I threw the last of them into the garbage bag that contained both the bandages and band aids from this morning and the debris from last night. The dried blood smelled pretty rank, I probably should have thrown it out last night.

While I munched on some cereal I ponded Rainbow's healing. It seemed abnormally fast in my completely uneducated opinion. Was this normal or a sign that something was wrong? What would happen once she healed fully? Would I part the bedsheet from the window and watch her fly off into the sunset? Did I need to call Camp Half-Blood and tell them I had one of their pegasi?

I really needed to get a second opinion to help answer these questions. Maybe I could…

Ugh. As distasteful as the prospect was, I would have to call Dogbreath.

Dogbreath and I are _not_ friends. The idiot Telekhine did, however, help me out of a tight spot in Boston a while back. While normally being saved from certain death could help form the basis of a life-long friendship, Dogbreath doesn't have enough brain cells to comprehend a concept as deep and meaningful as that.

His main redeeming feature was that he was a social creature. He probably knew every monster in Manhattan by reputation if not personally. If you needed to find something or someone, Dogbreath would know which direction to point you. And right now I needed to find out how to not fail care of magical pegasi. I probably should have called him yesterday, but in my surprise and panic I'd forgotten I could phone a not-friend.

I picked up the phone and dialed him.

"Hello?" A nasally voice answered. Good, he'd remembered to charge his phone today.

"Hey Dogbreath! It's Doris, I need your help."

I could almost feel his hackles rise. "How many times do I have to tell you that's not my name?"

"As many times as it takes to get you to start using proper hygiene. Do you know anything about pegasi? I have an injured one and I need to talk to someone who actually knows a thing or two about them."

There was silence for a moment. "Doris, how'd you come across a _pegasus_?"

I looked towards my broken door. "It was more of a she found me kind of thing."

Dogbreath muttered to himself before speaking up. "Well, Enrico did tell me about the time he got stuck on a deserted island with a wounded pegasus… I'll do it."

"Thanks! Now she's be-"

"IF," Dogbreath interrupted, "you give me some of its feathers."

I paused. There were certainly enough feathers that had come loose to spare, so I guess I could do that. "Um, okay?"

Dogbreath made a high pitched yipping noise. "Great! Meet me at Fredward's place, he's showing me these cool new weapons he's got. You remember Fredward right?"

I coughed. "Ah yes… my good friend Fredward, uhhh..."

Dogbreath sighed. "You're not good with names are you?" He then gave me Fredward's address. It wasn't too far, I could easily get there within an hour.

"I'll head over there shortly." I said. "Bye Dogbreath!"

"My name's not-" I hung up.

I dug through the trash and pulled out a handful of the more intact feathers for Dogbreath, then closed the bag and prepared to leave.

"Hey Rainbow!" I called out as I headed for the door. "I'm going out for an hour or two. See you when I get back."

From across the room, Rainbow stared at the hand that held some of her feathers. I began to sweat. "Oh! These are for Dogbreath, he's going to tell me more about pegasi in exchange so that I can make sure you're alright and figure out what to do with you."

Rainbow's eyes narrowed.

"Well I'm going now, don't crash into any apartmentswhileI'mgoneokaybye." I bolted from the apartment.

* * *

After I threw the garbage bag down the trash chute, I made a pit stop by my landlord's room on the bottom floor.

"I need to get my balcony door replaced, a bird hit it." I said.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. So the glass is cracked and needs replacing?" He asked.

"No, the glass and the door are both shattered."

My landlord stared at me for a moment. "Doris, if you tripped or otherwise broke the door, it's fine. I have insurance that covers things like this."

I shook my head. "It was a very large bird." I assured him.

He stared at me some more. "Well, I can have some people come by to replace it within a few days. What times would be good for you?"

"Anytime would be great! Thanks!"


	3. Guns and Roses

A short walk, a brief subway trip, and a slightly longer walk later, I arrived at my destination. The path leading to the door was flanked on one side by a pile of empty fork lift pallets, and on the other side by a lime green mailbox that was leaning to one side. The building itself looked like some sort of small warehouse, and was in disrepair. What windows that weren't boarded up were covered in grime that dated back to the Second World War if I was feeling generous.

Altogether, I decided that Dogbreath needed new friends. This place could only be shadier if the police car in the adjacent lot was pulling over a sketchy white van. Even then they might just be warning the driver that the area wasn't safe.

I wish I had thought to bring my spear. Ah well, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I took my first step onto the property and nothing brutally murdered me. Feeling more confident, I took another step. Then another.

Then I tripped over a loose brick and fell on my face.

I reached the door and rang the doorbell. It pealed out one of those musical tunes, only off-key and it shorted out halfway through. Note to self- don't even think about using whatever horror passes for a bathroom in this place.

When the door opened, two figures stood inside the dilapidated entryway. One was a vaguely familiar lumbering giant who wore a wrinkled suit that looked like it came from the previous century. This must be Fredward. Next to him was Dogbreath the telekhine. Like all telekhines, he looked like the result of a threesome between a man (or woman), a seal, and a dog. He waddled towards me in excitement.

I took a sniff. "You haven't brushed your teeth in at least three weeks, have you?"

Dogbreath smiled, revealing the most disgusting pair of choppers I'd had the displeasure of seeing today. "Not in over two months!"

"That's disgraceful."

He ignored me in favor of the feathers I was carrying. "You brought the feathers!" He said as he reached out and grabbed them with his weird flipper hands. He then held one up to his face. "They look even cooler than I imagined. This'll look great in a hat. I enjoyed it when feathered hats were in fashion."

"I preferred stovepipes myself." Fredward rumbled.

"Come on!" Dogbreath said as he grabbed my hand and began to drag me along. "You've got to see these weapons! The craftsmanship on them is really interesting."

He pulled me past broken doors and rotten furniture into a part of the building that was relatively better kept than the rest. Of course it still looked like moths and spiders had declared war on the place, but it was an improvement. Dogbreath opened one final door and gestured for me to enter. "In here! Look!"

I entered and froze. Oh great, not this again. You see, every few years some monster gets it into their heads that halfbloods hadn't ever heard of guns over the past centuries, and decided to try and out-tech them with the mortal weapons.

Of course the halfbloods knew about guns, they even used them from time to time. From what my parents had told me, the armor worn by halfbloods has been either smithed or enchanted to the point of being bulletproof since at least the American Civil War, and probably even earlier. That's why monsters and halfbloods alike used weapons made from celestial bronze (a metal mined from the home of the gods itself), as it's the best way to block or penetrate weapons, armor, and enchantments made from other pieces of celestial bronze. Sure you could make a bullet out of celestial bronze, but unlike arrows you can't exactly reuse bullets. The metal is extremely rare, and I'm lucky to have as much as I do for the tip of my spear.

Anyways, the only times that guns are useful against halfbloods are when you get a lucky shot, or ambush them out of armor. In both situations, a bow and arrow would do just as fine for a fraction of the price.

Now Fredward and Dogbreath seemed to have bought the whole 'gun down the halfbloods' thing hook, line, and sinker. Dozens of guns filled the room, ranging from a pile of pistols and revolvers on a table to what looked suspiciously like a machine gun resting against the back wall. Were these two trying to outfit an army?

"Yeah, that was my first reaction too." Dogbreath said, completely misreading my reaction. "We're totally going to stick it to those halfbloods! You want in?"

"I already asked the gun salesman, the mailman, and the tax collector, but they just kind of looked at me in horror." Fredward rumbled.

For a moment I debated telling them just how bad of an idea this was, but decided not to. This would end in a learning experience for the sea child and his giant companion, and I wasn't going to get in the way of it. "No, maybe another time."

Dogbreath shrugged. "Suit yourself. We don't actually have any ammunition yet, so I'll get back to you when we have some."

I grimaced and internally cursed myself for my poor wording. Then I changed the subject by bringing up my whole reason for being here. "I've brought you your feathers, so can you help me out?"

"Oh yeah, that. So what's the problem with the pegasus?"

"Yesterday I thought she was probably going to die from her injuries, and this morning she looks like she's almost ready to fly again. Do pegasi heal fast, or is something else going on? Also, I'm not exactly certain what to do with her once she heals."

Dogbreath tilted his head. "From what Enrico told me pegasi don't have any special regeneration or healing abilities. Are you certain that it was badly injured when you came across it? Maybe you're just remembering wrong."

I stared at him. "She crashed through my balcony door. Her smallest wounds were dozens of wooden and glass splinters in her hide, and I'm surprised she didn't break her neck."

He looked like he didn't completely believe me. "Well maybe Enrico lied or forgot something. Anyways, if you're dead set on nursing it back to health and then sending it home you should probably just call Camp Half-Blood and ask for a satyr to come pick it up. You should probably make sure you aren't there when they come to pick it up, just in case."

I sighed. Well this was a bust, Dogbreath hadn't told me anything that I didn't already suspect or know on my own.

Dogbreath frowned and held up one of the feathers to his face. There was a small spot of dried blood on it, and the telekhine stared at it intently. "Doris, did you drop this in paint or something? At first I just thought the feathers were just naturally black and gold, but this almost looks like dried blood."

I shook my head. "No, that's definitely dried blood. Rainbow's fur and feathers were all black, but like I said, her blood got into everything."

Dogbreath turned white as a sheet. "Wait, did you say golden blood? Not golden sand, or red blood, but golden blood?"

"Yes. It was sticky and hard to get out with water and elbow grease, if that helps."

"Doris! Pegasi don't bleed gold, nothing does except–"

But before he could finish, loud sirens suddenly pierced the building.

"This is the Police! Come out with your hands up!"

We both froze. Mortal law enforcement and monsters do not mix. Sure, most monsters could take a cop in a fist fight with ease, but police were like cockroaches: hard to kill and always bringing friends with them. It was better for both sides if we didn't interact.

Of course, if the police were raiding the building it was too late for that. I spun on Dogbreath. "We have to get out of here!"

"This is MY home!" Fredward yelled, then lumbered out of the room. Okay, no help was coming from him.

Dogbreath darted off deeper into the building and I followed. Soon we came to a large, double door and through them we emerged behind the building. My elation at freedom was short lived though, as over a dozen police were approaching to surround us. They must have already had the building surrounded.

I stopped and slowly raised my hands. I didn't have my spear with me, and even if I did taking on this many with only Dogbreath for backup was a risky proposition. Tasers are nothing to sneeze at, and those were the smallest weapons these officers were packing. Dogbreath seemed to come to the same conclusion, and was also putting his hands up.

We could always escape from wherever they took us. Restraints meant for humans were not up to the task of restraining a monster, and we could get away once there were fewer humans around.

The police eventually approached us and put us in cuffs. Don't ask me how they stayed on Dogbreath's flipper hands. Whatever was supposed to happen next was interrupted with a sharp bang from behind us. The police quickly moved past us, and I twisted around to watch. With another loud bang, the door shook in its place. After a third bang the door flew off its hinges to reveal an extremely angry Fredward. He roared in defiance before darting towards the police. Before they could react he reached the first one and sent him flying with a swipe from his arm. He then made the mistake of stopping to roar in victory.

The moment he held still, at least half a dozen tasers hit him at once. As he fell to his knees in convulsions, police with weapons much larger than a pistol approached to surround him, while a few helped the fallen officer to his feet.

I turned to give Dogbreath my harshest glare. "This is totally about those guns you were going on about isn't it."

"It's totally about the guns." Agreed a policewoman from behind me. "Turns out when you mouth off your plans to everyone you meet, the police get called pretty quickly. Now, you have the right to remain silent…"


	4. A Not-so Daring Escape From the Police

By the time I felt comfortable in my ability to both break my restraints and use the mist to hide my doing so, we'd been driven away and I'd been left alone in a small room. I could probably escape with the use of my above-human strength (not anything to write home about when compared to that of other monsters, like say the minotaur, but I still had some), and then use the mist to hide my presence while I escape.

It wouldn't solve all my problems though. The police already knew who I was thanks to my wallet, so once they noticed my disappearance they'd head right on over to my apartment. They could plaster my face all over national news if necessary. Ugh, I was going to have to find a new apartment now. That's always a pain, finding an available apartment with just the right view and angle to get the morning sun. I was also going to have to use the mist to distort my facial features. That was going to be draining to keep up.

All of this was because of Dogbreath and Fredward's stupidity. I seethed in anger at the two for a moment before a snapping sound struck me out of my reverie. Huh, looks like I'd snapped my handcuffs.

I was attempting to pull the remains off of my hands when the door opened. I quickly hid my arms behind my back and tried to pretend nothing was wrong. A police officer was holding the door open while staring blankly ahead. Then a woman entered.

The first thing I noticed about her was how big she was, and I'm not talking about her waist. She was well over six feet tall and had muscles like a professional athlete. The second thing I noticed was that her odd white belt did not go with her black hair and all black outfit at all, and made her look like a minimalist zebra in human form. The third thing I noted was that there was something familiar in her eyes. I couldn't put my finger on what it was, but it was sending me feelings that I'd definitely met her before.

She turned back and gave the officer a nod, and he closed the door. Then her eyes turned back to me and I felt like a kid in the principal's office.

"Are you my lawyer?" I asked. I had asked for one after all, though mostly out of a desire to get the police to stop asking me questions.

The woman didn't answer, merely smiling and sitting herself down across from me. I glanced between her and the door, and judged my chances of slipping past her to the door as low.

After a moment of awkward silence, the woman spoke up, totally ignoring my question. "First of all, I'd like to thank you." She said in a dull monotone. If I hadn't already been on guard, that creepy line would have done it.

"Uh, you're welcome?" I hazarded. "What exactly are you thanking me for?"

"Why for your recent kindness of course." She replied.

I looked at her blankly. My only recent acts of kindness were towards Rainbow, and –

My eyes widened as the dots connected. The same black hair (or fur), the same massive amounts of muscle, the same presence in her eyes, and a white belt that suspiciously resembled a bandage around her middle?

There was no question of who the woman was. My eyes pierced through a veil of mist I hadn't even _noticed_ was present, and I found myself face to muzzle with the pegasus from my apartment. Now the question was how?

I thought back to all the oddities. The accelerated healing, heck just surviving the crash at all, the ability to manipulate the mist, the ability to speak, the golden blood…

The answer came to me almost immediately, and I began mentally kicking myself for not seeing it sooner. Dogbreath had been right, pegasi didn't bleed golden blood, no monster does. It wasn't ordinary blood at all, but Ichor, the golden blood of the gods and other immortals.

Who was Rainbow really? I thought. It took me a moment to voice that question aloud. "Who are you really? What are you?" I asked.

She kept on smiling. "You wouldn't recognize my name," she said, "and I think you know what I am."

I narrowed my eyes. "You're not really a pegasus are you?"

"This is actually the form I take most of the time while on business." She said.

Yup, immortal status confirmed. Aside from some of the rarest monsters, shape changing was a skill only used by those for whom the mortal form was a plaything. Aside from that though it was decidedly unhelpful. "Well then what do I call you?"

She looked thoughtful for a moment. "You can just keep calling me Rainbow, it'll do for now."

I looked at her dubiously. "Are you the goddess of the rainbow? I've heard of her before."

"As amusing as that would be, no."

"So how did you end up in my apartment?" I asked. What could possibly have injured her into the state I'd found her in?

A frown came across Rainbow's face. "The winged messenger and I had a… disagreement. I lost."

I gave her a flat look. "A disagreement?"

Rainbow's cheeks gained a hint of pink to them. "Our discussion got somewhat heated."

I snorted. "What on earth were you arguing about?"

"Something I should have never brought up in his presence." Rainbow admitted. "Now, I'm going to convince the police that you're out on bond. You've earned that much."

"So you can't make all of this go away? I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time!" I pleaded.

"There are limits to what I am allowed to do in thanks, especially when it comes to interfering with mortals." Rainbow said, neatly sidestepping the question. She then turned to leave.

"Where are you going now?" I asked her.

"To go speak with your… acquaintances. If they accept my proposition, I'll also be getting the charges dropped from them."

"WHAT?!" I exploded. "Why do _they_ get the charges dropped and not me? What have they done for you?"

"It's not what they have done, but what they will do. I have an errand that needs to be done. If they accept, I can't have mortals interfering in my business, so I'll need to take steps to prevent that from happening."

In the heat of the moment, I opened my big mouth. "Whatever it is, I'll do it! I bet I can do it ten times better than those two morons."

I regretted saying those words almost immediately. Rainbow smirked at me like the pegasus that had caught the scythian dracanae. "You're hired. Wait here until I return."

As she left the room, I wondered what I had just gotten myself into.


	5. Quest Get!

About an hour later, Rainbow returned with a very subdued looking Dogbreath.

"Where's Fredward?" I asked.

"He refused my generous offer." Rainbow replied. I wondered if that made him smarter than I. I couldn't even really blame Rainbow, it was all on my moment of impulsiveness. She hadn't forced me to accept her offer after all.

We exited the police station and headed to the nearest subway station in an awkward silence. There we encountered our first problem.

"I'm not sure you're going to fit." I commented to Rainbow. The subway car was almost full, and there definitely wasn't room for a fully grown pegasus inside.

Rainbow stared intently at the car, as if she could force it to increase in size through force of will alone. "You're right." She eventually said.

Then she trotted towards the doors, and with each step she took she shrank in size. By the time she entered the subway car she was much shorter than I was. She hopped up into the only remaining seat and gestured with a cartoonishly small wing for us to join her onboard.

The only incident that occurred on the ride that followed was when a small child pointed at Rainbow and yelled "Pony!" To my amusement, the child's mother apologized to the pegasus. Rainbow nodded in response, but I saw her allow the child to pet her when the mother wasn't looking. It was adorable.

"Hey, this is my stop." I commented as we exited the subway station.

Rainbow nodded. "We are headed to your apartment. You might need your spear for this errand Doris."

"How do you know about my spear? Did you go through my stuff while I was gone?" I accused.

Rainbow didn't answer, and for the first time since we left the police station Dogbreath spoke up. "Why didn't we go to my house?"

"Do you need anything from it?" Rainbow asked.

"Well, no." He admitted.

"Then we won't go to your house." Rainbow said with finality.

* * *

We were gathered in my apartment. Dogbreath and I sat on opposite ends of the couch, while the still miniaturized Rainbow stood in front of the television. After several awkward moments of silence, Rainbow spoke up.

"I need for you two to go to Ohio and retrieve the Sword of Damocles. It's a powerful artifact that is infamous for hanging by a thread above the head of Damocles. Damocles, out of hubris and ignorance, had switched places with the tyrant king Dionysius the Younger of Syracuse for a day and learned a lesson in the danger those in power face. The sword embodies both the immense power wielded by tyrants and the ease with which it can be lost. It has led a bloody trail throughout history, giving its wielder terrible power in exchange for the possibility of doom at a single misstep. The last person to carry the sword was George Armstrong Custer, who with it rode to fame and victory in the American Civil War and death and infamy at Little Bighorn. The sword is currently being exhibited in the museum of-"

"Question." I asked. "This sounds like a job for halfbloods. Why don't you just get some of them to do this?"

Rainbow seemed to debate something for a moment before answering. "I already tried to obtain the services of a halfblood. I was shot down quite violently."

My eyes strayed to the blanket that covered the broken door, putting two and two together.

"So what's guarding it? Is it a dragon, do we get to fight a dragon?" Dogbreath begged.

No! Bad telekhine! "I refuse to fight anything more draconic than I am." I stated.

One of Rainbow's ears flicked. "What guards the sword is a security system. The museum staff and a security guard as well during the day."

My jaw dropped. "If that's the case why don't you just go get it yourself?"

For a moment Rainbow's eyes stared into the distance. Then they focused back on me. "I would not make it past Harrisburg if I were to take up the sword myself. Considering recent events, the gods are being extremely cautious on who can handle powerful artifacts. You, however, they would not deign to face themselves. In any case, I'll warn you if anything does pursue you. Currently all eyes are on the spat between the king of the gods and the lord of the seas, so if you can return by the 21st you can avoid almost all attention. The next train to Harrisburg leaves in less than an hour. From there you'll take a bus to your destination."

For a moment nothing was said as we waited for Rainbow to continue. "That's your cue to leave." She said eventually.

Fifteen minutes later I exited with my spear, a backpack full of spare clothes and monopoly money, and Dogbreath as we headed off towards the train station and adventure.

* * *

 **The next morning, at Camp Half-Blood**

In one of the cabins a boy jolted awake. "Man, that was a weird dream."

"What did you say?" A fellow camper sleepily asked.

"I had the weirdest dream. A scythian dracanae, a telekhine, and a miniature pegasus walked into an apartment."

"What's the punchline?"

"The pegasus was sending the other two on a quest."

"Are you feeling okay?"

The first camper shrugged. "Like I said, it was a weird dream."


	6. Stubborn Sea Dogs

As soon as we reached the train station, Dogbreath ditched me.

Or at least I think that's when he ran off. I didn't notice he wasn't following me until after I bought our tickets. Peeved, I gave the air a sniff. I wasn't the best tracker, but telekhines have a rather unique scent to them, sort of a combination of wet dog and black magic. Catching onto his trail, I followed it until I found the sorry excuse for a sea dog at one of the food vendors. He was going to town on a hotdog, and blissfully unaware of my presence. I marched over and stood behind him.

"What are you doing? We need to leave." I demanded.

Dogbreath jumped a good foot off the ground. "I'm not going." He said petulantly, before going back to his food.

"We made a deal." I reminded him.

"A deal I never intended to keep." Dogbreath put down his food. "That abomination that calls itself Rainbow tricked me into agreeing to go on a quest for her."

I thought back to the offer Rainbow had made. While it was true that she showed up at a rather convenient time, she hadn't forced me to accept her offer. That was all on my impulsiveness. It wasn't even a bad deal, we spend less than a week fetching a (relatively) unguarded item, and in return gain access to reality warping powers to wipe clean our criminal records. While I would normally have spent some more time thinking the offer over, it was far from a deal I was opposed to.

Dogbreath seemed to feel otherwise. Maybe he valued not being harassed by mortal law enforcement differently than I did. Maybe Rainbow was more… forceful in her discussion with him. Maybe it was something else.

"Why exactly are you so opposed to doing this?" I probed.

"Because it's a quest." Dogbreath spat the last word out like a curse. "Monsters don't do quests."

So that's what it was. "So you won't do it because this seems like something halfbloods should be doing?"

"Yes! It's our duty as monsters to prevent quests from being completed, just like it's our duty to fight halfbloods. You've fought halfbloods before right?"

I nodded. "Four times. I lost all of them. Fighting halfbloods is honestly quite terrifying and not really worth it."

He looked appalled at my words. "Not worth it! It's only a chance for the best meal of your life!"

I blanched. I knew of the tendency of monsters to devour their fallen foes, and it honestly disturbed me. On the one hand I could sort of understand the 'don't waste food' mentality, but on the other I couldn't reconcile it with the ease of obtaining a quality meal in the modern world. Why fight to the death for food when you can just buy a nice steak dinner? There's a much lower risk of dying involved and no eating of sentient beings.

"Besides, don't you want to take this chance to get back at one of the gods?" Dogbreath continued.

To be honest, I wasn't sure Rainbow was a god. Sure, there were a lot of minor ones she could be, but they weren't the only immortals out there. In addition there were titans, protogenoi, the odd ex-humans, and other assorted spirits from throughout the ages. But I decided to shelve that discussion in favor of answering his question.

"No, not really. None of the gods, and certainly not Rainbow, have done anything to me. I don't see any reason to prompt them to rectify this."

Dogbreath's eyes darkened. "Then you're lucky. Us telekhines used to be the most respected blacksmiths of the gods. We made their most powerful weapons, and in thanks they killed all but one of us! All because our dark magic was 'killing the animals' and 'poisoning the plants'."

I narrowed my eyes. "Were you even alive back then?"

"No."

"Then you're refusing to do a task you've agreed to do because of something gods who possibly weren't Rainbow did to telekhines who definitely weren't you millennia in the past?"

Dogbreath looked me dead in the eyes. "Yes."

I grabbed him by the shoulders and gave him a shake. "You're being an idiot. Do you know what's worse than an immortal that's angry with you? An immortal that's angry with you because you've betrayed their trust. Rainbow either knows or could easily find out where you live, so unless you want to spend the rest of eternity hiding from her we're going to complete this. Together, because I'm not going to let you do something this stupid."

So I dragged Dogbreath, metaphorically kicking and screaming, onto the train. As we sat down, someone muttered "Someone's sleeping in the doghouse tonight."

I felt nauseous at the implication.


	7. Do Monsters Dream of Eldritch Sheep?

The landscape was desolate. I rode past rocky outcrops and jagged fissures as I approached the gate made of horn. It towered over the barren landscape surrounding it.

As I passed through the gate my steed began to slow. Irked, I attempted to lead it forwards. When it continued to ignore the reigns and came to a complete stop, I tried giving it a little kick.

"Go!" I urged.

An ominous feeling came over me, as if I'd done something unexpected and wholly unappreciated. I frowned down at my steed, and in response a pair of eyes formed on the back of its neck and glared at me.

I leaped from its back in shock. You could not have moved me faster if you shot me out of a cannon. Once I gained a healthy distance, I calmed down a bit and took a second look.

What I had first thought was my steed wasn't even a proper horse. Instead, a dense mass of shadows roiled and writhed in a vaguely equine shape. Dark wisps rose from what passed for its back, functioning either as wings or smoke given off by an internal fire. A pair of brilliant eyes regarded me coldly.

I may have uttered a small 'meep', and took a step back. The being responded with a glide forwards. I quickly shifted into full reverse, and it more than matched my movements, gaining ground as my panic rose.

I was so focused on what was before me that I wasn't paying attention to what was behind me. The back of my head collided with the gate, and I -

\- Shot straight upright in my seat as I woke up inside the train.

* * *

"So which hotel do you want to stay in? There's a Motel 6, a Marriott, a Scythian Inn, a Hampton –"

I interrupted Dogbreath. "Scythian Inn, we're staying there."

He frowned and stared at the screen of his phone. "It only has three stars. Are you sure you want to go there?"

The bus and train had taken a lot out of me, and the weird dream I had hadn't helped matters. It was late in the evening and I just wanted to crash for the night. Plus, with a name like that the place probably catered to monsters. It was no 'Echidna Suites', but neither was it particularly subtle.

* * *

I was right. A fellow scythian dracanae looked at me from behind the front desk.

"So with two rooms, one with a heat lamp, for two nights you'll also be getting complimentary breakfast."

I nodded dreamily, focused on the prospect of using the heat lamp to warm up my snake legs in the morning.

"You're in luck this week, some Canadians will be providing a Laistrygonian Special for breakfast your second morning here."

I nodded absently, still focused on the heat lamp.

"Will that be cash, credit, debit, or drachma?"

My mind stuttered to a halt. "What?"

The monster at the desk narrowed her eyes. "Cash, credit, debit, or drachma. You do have to pay for the rooms."

I began to sweat. I had planned on us taking mortal transportation, eating mortal food, and staying in mortal hotels. The only payment I had brought with me was funny money that with the help of the Mist would be indistinguishable from the real thing. While the Mist could work on monsters, it certainly wouldn't work with my level of skill against someone who was already suspicious. I also certainly didn't have any drachmas, the currency of ancient Greece that the gods still used.

"Well, uh, you see…" I began.

Then Dogbreath slapped one of his shoes on the front desk. Both of us dracanae stared at him as he dug one of his flipper hands into the depths of the shoe. Eventually, he pulled out the sweatiest, smelliest, and most worn out drachma I'd ever seen.

"Here." He said as he handed over the coin. My fellow dracanae took it gingerly and held it as far away from herself as possible.

"… Thanks." She said, eyeing the coin as if it might bite her. Then she tossed the two room keys onto the desk.

Dogbreath put his shoe back on and grabbed the keys. "That was my emergency fund." He said as he handed me the key marked with a lamp.

"Thank you." I told him honestly.

Ten minutes later I was asleep.

* * *

I was riding in the desolate wasteland again.

I came to my senses just beyond an ivory gate, and immediately sprung from the back of the shadow horse. Careful to not run into the gate this time, I continued to back away towards the safe distance of 'as far away as possible'.

Compared to the previous time, the smoky figure seemed to be more agitated. The inky blackness that composed it kept twisting into itself, and what on second glance were definitely wings were fluttering. Then the figure dissolved into black sand and shot towards me. I tried to run, but it caught up with me and I was soon surrounded by darkness.

I screamed, but there was no sound. I ran, but there was no movement. I tried to wake up, but there was no escape. Finally, the darkness that surrounded me dissolved and I found myself in an entirely new location.

Where once there had been the endless expanse of unfertile rocky ground was now the interior of a building. A short hallway greeted me, with indistinct blurs hanging from the white walls. I moved forward and inspected one of the blurs. It sort of looked like a painting done by an impressionist who trained under Jackson Pollock.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed movement, and I turned to find the spectral horse forming itself, from bottom to top, _right next to me_. I flattened myself against the wall in fear.

The mass of shadows didn't do anything though. It simply sat there, watching me. Its brilliant eyes looked vaguely familiar, but before I could remember why it turned away and floated down the hall.

"Hey! Staring is rude you know. Aren't you going to apologize?" I called after it halfheartedly.

It didn't show any signs of having heard me and kept on its merry way as it glided down the hallway. When it reached the end, it flowed head-first through a set of double doors, neither opening them nor blasting a hole through. Instead it just floated through, kind of like a ghost.

Leaving me alone in the hallway with nothing to do. Against my better judgment, my curiosity got the better of me. I jogged down the hallway and pushed open the doors.

I found myself in a large room. Wide, hazy columns rose up from the floor here and there, reaching towards but never touching the ceiling. Hazy blurs, like those from the hallway, covered the walls. Finally, the mass of shadows stood near the far end of the room, situated between two more columns. Its smoky wings were extended horizontally, one pointed towards each column.

I approached slowly and cautiously. The closer I got, the more in focus those two columns became. Oddly enough, all of the other columns remained hazy and indistinct. By the time I was halfway across the room, I realized the two resolving columns were actually transparent. Once I stopped at a safe distance from the mass of shadows, I could tell the columns were in fact display cases. Inside of them were several items, but only two were not a fuzzy indistinct mass.

The shadow's right wing pointed towards a celestial bronze sword, and its left wing pointed towards a sinister looking knife. Then the shadows writhed, as if they were particularly unhappy about something. The left wing slowly retracted, and after a moment the being was only pointing towards the sword.

"Okay, you're more of a sword person… thing. I'm actually more of a spear girl myself." I commented.

This was apparently the wrong thing to say, as the being began to writhe again. I took a step back. The creature's still extended wing shook a bit, as if emphasizing 'sword'.

"I still don't get it." I said.

The shadows dissolved into the floor. From behind me I heard the sound of doors opening, and I turned. My jaw dropped as I saw perfect duplicates of Dogbreath and myself enter the room. Well, almost perfect, typically the two of us weren't transparent.

"Hey!" I said, but the two ignored my call. They came closer and closer until they stood beside me, completely oblivious to my presence. They were focused on the sword.

"We have to be quick." My duplicate noted. Dogbreath smirked, then tried to punch a hole in the display case. His hand bounced off, and my duplicate and I sighed in unison. As she began to smash her way through the glass with her spear a thought struck me.

"Wait, is this the sword of Damocles?"

But no one answered. Dogbreath reached into the broken display case and pulled out the sword, and commented on how light it was. I didn't hear my duplicate's response as I focused intently on the sword in Dogbreath's hand. It certainly looked like a sword and was made from the right material. It _could_ be the Sword of Damocles.

As the two calmly but quickly exited the room, I was still focused on the sword, trying to burn its image into my brain. I –

– Woke up.


	8. Hell Breaks Loose

The inside of the museum was exactly like the building from my dream.

Okay, it wasn't exactly like it. The hazy images on the walls were actually pictures and paintings, and the display cases were not out of focus. But with regards to what I was here for, the dream was spot on. At the end of the main gallery were the two display cases that had featured prominently in my dream.

One was labeled **Knives of the Natives** , and featured a variety of knives and other sharp objects. Apart from noting that there was indeed a dark, sinister looking knife, I ignored it in favor of the case next to it.

 **George Armstrong Custer – the Victor and the Vanquished** it read. It featured some articles of clothing, a few odds and ends, and most importantly, a celestial bronze sword. I briefly glanced at the information card next to the sword to confirm that it was indeed Custer's, then dismissed the rest of it as unimportant. I'd found what I'd come here for.

"Doris, are you okay? You haven't spoken since we got here." Dogbreath asked from beside me.

I turned and gave a fake smile to Dogbreath. "Yup, just thinking about something."

Truthfully, the dream was freaking me out. While the first one could have just been the odd product of my sleeping mind, the second was definitely more than that. I'd never been here before and yet I'd dreamed of this place. It gave me chills when I looked at the sinister knife and goosebumps when I looked at Custer's sword. Spooky sorta-but-not-really-prophetic prophetic dreams were not normal for monsters.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and focused on our next task. "We've found it. Time to get ready."

Dogbreath sighed and complained that this was the boring part.

* * *

I was inclined to agree with him as I waited for hours in a stall, hidden behind a veil of the Mist. Yes we hid in the bathrooms. Yes it was awkward. Yes it was boring. Yes there was probably a motion sensor that was tripped the moment we left them. But considering that our smash and grab shouldn't take more than three minutes, I was confident in our ability to get the sword. Once we were outside we could use the mist to hide from any police that showed up. Then we'd head back to the hotel, then head back to New York tomorrow morning.

We met back up in front of Custer's sword thirty minutes before midnight. I glanced around the gloomy darkness, trying to see if I could see my dream self from the night before. I couldn't see anyone else, but it was pretty dark.

Then Dogbreath punched the display case and let out a cry of pain. I sighed and readied my weapon. While glass might be mightier than the flipper, it certainly loses out to the spear. Soon there was a sizeable hole, and Dogbreath eagerly reached into the display case to grab the celestial bronze sword within.

"Huh." He said as he removed it from the display case. "I thought it'd be heavier."

I frowned. "Well it supposedly was held by a single horse hair, so it'd have to be pretty light."

Dogbreath barked in laughter. "Hah! As if any sword could weigh that little."

"Well don't blame me, that's what the stories said. Now let's get out of here before –"

A low, rumbling growl interrupted me from somewhere behind us.

"Doris," Dogbreath whispered. "Please tell me that was your stomach."

"No." I whispered back."

"Well it sure wasn't mine!"

We turned around just in time to see a large shape melt into existence at the end of the room. Deep red eyes glinted in the low light, and teeth the size of my arm were bared at us. The bottom dropped out of my stomach as I realized that an actual _hellhound_ stood before us.

Hellhounds are probably the most dangerous monster that comes in larger numbers. They're rarely seen outside of the Underworld, and when they are it's usually because someone had pissed off Hades very badly. I cannot begin to describe how screwed we are if that was the case. Even if it wasn't, a hellhound on its own is frightening enough.

We both screamed and backed up against the broken display case. I jammed the butt of my spear where the floor met the display case and pointed the tip towards the demonic canine. Maybe if I pretended it was a very large horse, I could defeat it the same way cavalry had been defeated for centuries: by letting them impale themselves on long, pointy objects. Of course, most horses weren't the size of a small truck, and my plan suffered accordingly.

The Hellhound leaped at us with its mouth wide open, its teeth glinting in the darkness. A split second before it hit there was a cracking sound as it hopefully impaled itself on my spear. Then several hundred pounds of angry dog smashed into the two of us like a bowling ball.

I was knocked to my left and smashed my way through the side of the knife display case. I hissed in pain, both from the impact and from something that had dug into my left snake-leg. My legs and I hissed again as I yanked out a mortal blade and tossed it away. If that had been Celestial Bronze, I would be a pile of dust right now.

As I got to my feet, I noticed something was wrong with my spear. Holding it up for inspection, I realized that it had snapped in half. Instead of a menacing six foot pole with celestial bronze death on the tip, I had a very menacing stick. I threw the useless length of wood aside and looked around for a weapon that wasn't broken or coated in my own blood. My eyes fell upon the sinister looking hunting knife, and I scooped it up.

"Back! Back I say!"

Dogbreath was fending off the hellhound with Custer's sword. Either he had gotten in a few lucky hits or the celestial bronze in my spear tip was starting to poison the hellhound. Either way, the demon dog was swaying on its paws like a drunkard with the top third of my spear protruding from its chest.

Clutching the knife in my hand, I ran up behind the distracted hellhound and leaped onto its back. The canine yelped, first in surprise and then in pain as I raked the knife up and down its back. For a mortal blade it worked surprisingly well; it must have been exceptionally sharp.

Suddenly, the hellhound jerked and gave a pitiful whine. Then it crumbled into dust. I was unceremoniously dropped face-down onto the floor below, and moaned in pain as shards of glass dug into my body. To make it even worse, the same glass that was cutting into me was also coated in dust from the hellhound. Ew, that was just gross.

"I totally thought I was going to die." Dogbreath said from somewhere in front of me. "But then you jumped onto its back like a madwoman, which I guess was pretty cool, and it cried in pain. Then I stabbed the sword right into the roof of the Hellhound's mouth."

I grunted in response. I rose to my knees and began the arduous process of pulling shards of glass out of my arms and face. Dogbreath stood a few feet away, staring reverently at Custer's sword in his hand.

"I'm totally keeping it. With this sword I'm unstoppable!" He declared.

I sighed. He really was an idiot wasn't he? "You'd have to ask Rainbow about that. She totally has plans for that sword. By the way, could you help me with all this glass?"

"Oh I'll ask her alright." Dogbreath muttered to himself before turning to me. "Sure, I'll lend you a flipper."

Once we finished prying bits of broken glass out of me, I located the top of my spear. It was nearly useless as a weapon at its current length, but it was better than nothing. I needed to save the tip for the celestial bronze in it anyways.

After glancing once more at my broken spear, I decided to take the sinister knife with me. With my spear broken, I felt very exposed. If the knife was good enough to slice open a hellhound, it was good enough for me. It truly chilled my cold-blooded heart to take another item from the museum we had just trashed, but I did it anyways.


	9. Meanwhile in Doris's Apartment

George Kimbrell gave the alignment one last examination before grinning in satisfaction. "And with that, your door is fixed."

The woman in the apartment didn't respond. She was an odd one, he could tell. She was so quiet that if she hadn't opened the door and sat on the couch, he wouldn't even have known she was here. Her dark clothing made her look drab and sad, so he'd tried to engage her in conversation.

Nothing had worked. All his attempts at making small talk had been met with dead silence. Even the completion of his job apparently didn't merit a 'thank you'. He wasn't a vain man, but he did enjoy knowing that people were happy with his work.

"Well, I'm going to go now – oh, hello there." He said as he noticed the apartment's third occupant: a large black dog. He wasn't sure how he'd missed it before, perhaps it had been asleep? At the moment the dog was sitting at the foot of the woman, the very picture of a perfect guard dog.

"What kind of dog is this?" He asked.

To his surprise the woman answered. "He's a hellhound." She said in a low monotone, as if she was unused to speaking.

George thought for a moment. "Is that some sort of special breed of mastiff?"

"Somewhat." The woman allowed.

He eyed the dog, who was about the size of a grown man. He knew some great danes got around that big, but he didn't know mastiffs could too. Then again he'd never seen a mastiff outside of pictures.

"How big is he?" He asked out of curiosity.

"He's young, so only 350 pounds."

He had to have heard that wrong. That or the woman had misspoken. Either way, a dog that weighed 150 pounds and got bigger?

"I've been meaning to get a guard dog to watch the house and kids while I'm away. What's his temperament like?"

"Fiercely loyal." The woman said, raising her head to fix him with a piercing stare.

He smiled. "Where'd you get him? I might have to get one myself."

The woman stared at him. Just when it was starting to get uncomfortable, she responded. "He's actually my mother's. She wanted to check up on me."

George subtly licked his fingers and cleaned out his ears. "So they're your mother's? Do you think you could put me in contact with her?"

The woman smiled. It was not a nice smile.

Author's Note:

I imagined that Nyx with her hellhounds would say something like, "This is Spot. He is seven months old and weighs 350 pounds. He enjoys belly rubs, long walks in the park, and eating cats. If he doesn't decide to eat you within the week, you can keep him."

This is just a funny side-story that popped up into my head when I thought about what repairing the broken door would look like. It's canonicity is dubious, but I had fun writing it and I hope you have fun reading it.


	10. The Laistrygonian Special

About thirty seconds after we limped out of the museum, the first police car arrived. Hidden under the heaviest veil of Mist we could manage, we crouched in some bushes. One keen-eyed cop stared in our direction for a moment, but he soon moved on.

The rest of the trip back to the hotel was long and boring. It was almost an hour's walk through the dark streets of the city, and my stomach reminded me that I hadn't had anything to eat since breakfast. Unfortunately, we didn't pass any 24-hour restaurants on our way back, so I consoled myself with promises that there would be food back at the hotel.

When we arrived at the hotel, Dogbreath went on to sleep and I began my quest for food. Surely there was a vending machine nearby, didn't most hotels have one on every floor?

Apparently not this one. I spent half an hour wandering the halls searching, but I didn't find a single crumb. Frustrated, I returned to my room, took a shower, and tried to fill my stomach with vague promises of a hearty breakfast.

I did my best to go to sleep, but hunger prevented me. By now it was almost three in the morning and my stomach was audibly moaning. I gave in, and headed downstairs to find the kitchen. I'd already committed one crime tonight, what was one more?

The kitchen wasn't too hard to find. I just snuck downstairs, past the telekhine drooling on the front desk and into the room where breakfast was served. After a moment's exploration, I found a door marked employees only.

The door opened with a whimper, and I set about finding myself some food. A large refrigerator looked promising, and I approached it. Inside I found lots of food meant for the breakfast tomorrow, including a large ham. I eagerly dragged it out and ate the whole thing in one bite. Well, not really, but not for lack of trying. My stomach roared in approval, tears were shed, and my snake legs hissed at my tears to be quiet.

Wait, what? Those weren't my tears or my snake legs. I stood still, the piece of ham sticking out of my mouth, and listened. Yup, tears were being shed, and they weren't from me. I quickly ate the rest of the ham before creeping towards the noise. It was dark, so when I saw something move in the corner I drew my new knife.

I looked closer, and realized that it was two figures tied up. A young boy, maybe eight years old, was crying softly while a teenage girl glared at me with steel in her eyes. The last pieces of ham dropped from my hands.

"Surprised?" Hissed the girl at me.

"Yes, very much so." I replied honestly. Why on earth would two children be tied up in the kitchen unless…

I took a sniff, and the air confirmed my suspicions. At least one of them was a halfblood.

"Well you shouldn't be." The girl continued. "We can hear them going on about the upcoming Laistrygonian special from in here."

A deep pit began to form in my stomach. It clicked in my head a moment later. Laistrygonians were cannibal giants from the north. They were the Canadians mentioned when we had first arrived at the hotel. "You're the special." I said.

The girl nodded. "Apparently the birthday of someone named 'Babycakes' is tomorrow, it's the only reason we aren't dead yet. Whatever the giants don't eat will go into the special."

I wondered how often it came to this for halfbloods. How often did they survive their final battle, only so they could be killed later like the lamb for slaughter? It didn't feel right. Fighting and killing a halfblood in battle was one thing. But this? Keeping a halfblood or two chained up in the kitchen to be served as food at a birthday party? It made me very uncomfortable.

The girl spoke up again. "As nice as talking to you has been, I'd like to spend my last hours with my brother in private. Kill us, help us, or get out of the room."

I should leave. One of the two (on closer inspection, the scent of halfblood wasn't strong enough for both of them to be one) would sooner kill me than leave me be, if given the chance. They would gladly gut me in my sleep. They would place no value on my life. But the other one didn't. Apart from the astronomical chance that the human was a clear sighted mortal, the other would happily chat with me in the street. Was completely oblivious to what truly lied beneath my Mist-given mask. Was an innocent bystander in the age old fight between halfbloods and monsters.

The girl spoke up. "Look, whatever you're debating, could you find it within that black hole you call a heart to at least free my brother? He's not involved in any of this, just someone who was at the wrong place at the wrong time."

One of them was me at Fredward's when the police arrived. Only present because of someone else, only taken because of another's crimes. But where I'd at least had a choice between a rock named Rainbow and a hard place named prison, this human didn't have that luxury. At least, not until now.

A feeling came over me as I drew the knife from my belt and advanced on the two. I could show them either mercy or death with a short swipe of the blade. My parents would urge me to kill him, arguing a traumatized, lost young boy wouldn't survive to find home anyways. My not-friend would tell me to kill him, arguing that it was my duty as a monster to stick it to the gods. My brain provided more concrete reminders. I could feel the swords, fist, and spear that had pierced my chest and killed me the last four times I'd encountered halfbloods.

The knife found the ropes, and I began to saw at the ropes binding both of them. My heart, or whatever was in my dust filled chest, said that freeing a young boy only to damn his sister was needlessly traumatic. I also didn't want to deal with the fallout of freeing the boy but leaving the sister. For one I didn't want to have to babysit him, nor did I want to just turn him loose on his own at three in the morning. Mostly though, I didn't want to chance the girl spilling the beans on who had helped them.

A few minutes later I watched as the girl shepherded the now hopeful looking boy towards the back door. "Whatever your reasons, thank you." She whispered.

I nodded in response, not wanting to chance verbalizing a reply. A moment later the two vanished into the night, and I went to go finally get some sleep.

Author's Note:

For anyone who is slightly confused, Babycakes is from TSOM, where Joe Bob the cannibal giant claims he will take her a doggie bag (implying she also eats teenaged demigod)


	11. In Which A Haunting Does Not Begin

I was in the desolate wasteland. Again. I was starting to get really tired of it.

This time I was back to riding through the gate made of horn, and I leaped off my ride as soon as it slowed down.

"What is it this time?" I demanded.

The figure gestured towards me. No, towards my waist. Looking down, I noticed that my new knife was on my belt. I looked back up. "I'm not giving that back. Maybe once I get a new spear shaft. Until then, it's mine."

The figure grew agitated again, and I raised an eyebrow. "What're you going to do? Haunt me?"

It narrowed its eyes and raised its wispy wings. It probably was a pretty intimidating position most of the time.

I narrowed my eyes right back and drew the knife. "I bet if I stabbed myself I'd wake up, wouldn't I?"

The figure visibly deflated and slumped. I wasn't done though, and marched to stand before it.

"You lied to me." I stated.

The figure stared at me for a moment, before pointing backwards towards the gate with a wing and nodding. I got the distinct impression that the response translated as something like, 'Yup, sorry sister. It was totally the gate's fault.'

I was not amused.

"You're the one showing me these things, and they aren't even reliable. There was a hellhound at the museum. Dogbreath and I didn't walk out of that room unopposed like you showed, we had to fight a _hellhound_."

The figure nodded and gestured towards the gate, as if continuing to blame it.

"I don't care about the gate! I care about the hellhound! Why was it even there, oh great dream thing!"

The figure titled its head at me, and then dark wisps trailed out of its wings and again enveloped me. This time I found myself not in the museum, but in Central Park. I vaguely recognized the scar in the earth from the news. Nearby was Rainbow, talking to a woman made out of pure darkness and stars.

"What are you wearing?" The dark woman demanded. The question was kind of odd, seeing as Rainbow, like most pegasi, wasn't wearing any clothing.

"This is my business suit!" Rainbow protested. Her wings were spread out above and beside her, as if to make her seem larger.

"What's wrong with your normal form?"

"It doesn't have vocal chords."

"I swear, communication is the biggest problem with you teenagers."

"I haven't been a teenager in decades mother."

"You certainly act like one! You should have just told me you were looking for an apartment, instead of just up and vanishing one morning. I had to send my hounds out to find you!"

"I wasn't looking for – you know what? Never mind. Talking in this form is already tiring enough."

"Don't use that tone with me!"

The scene paused, and the smoky figure pointed at the frozen dark woman with a wing. It was as if it was saying 'there's the smoking gun!'

"That's Night." I commented from the park bench I was hiding behind.

The figure nodded.

"Night, who's lurked in the background of Greek mythology from almost the very beginning?"

Another nod.

"The same Night that willingly built a mansion at the bottom of tartarus and who Zeus is afraid of ticking off?"

The figure paused, then nodded.

"That's it."

The figure tilted its head as I sat down.

"I'm out. Done. Finished. Through with it. I've put up with a lot lately. A recalcitrant Dogbreath, an angry hellhound, and a pleading demigod. But Night is where I draw the line."

The smoky figure gestured towards Rainbow.

I laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh. "She's a child of Night. You know what else are her children? Hellhounds, Death, and the Fates! Night's children are only marginally less terrifying than she is. Besides, Rainbow claimed that she'd warn us if anything came after us, and she didn't."

The smoky figure grew agitated.

"You didn't help either! If anything, you gave me false confidence." I accused.

The figure turned its wing back towards the gate again.

"Would you forget about the stupid gate? If you were supposed to warn me, you screwed up. Big time."

The figure froze. The scene around us dissolved, leaving us back alone in the wasteland.

We sat like that for a while. Finally, the figure glided the remaining distance to me and began to writhe. This time it wasn't in agitation though. Instead, the substance that made up its form separated and spread out into five separate balls of smoke. They lined up in front of me, and began to elongate. After about a moment, I realized it was spelling out a word.

 _ **H**_

The smoke reformed into its vague pegasus form and pointed a wing at the gate behind me, and then to myself.

Then it split into four balls of smoke, and again formed a word.

 _ **L I E S**_

This time when it reformed it pointed towards the horizon, and then again pointed towards me. I turned and squinted towards the point in the distance it had indicated, and realized that off in the distance was the gate made of ivory. The gears turned in my head.

"Wait, are you trying to say that this is like that riddle of the twin guards, only with dreams?" I asked.

The figure tilted its head a full 90 degrees and stared at me. I took that to mean 'I have no idea what you are referring to.'

"You know. You have to ask them a question, and one always lies and the other always tells the truth. Is it like that, only with dreams instead of a riddle and gates instead of guards?" I explained.

The figure shot about a foot off the ground and began nodding vigorously.

"Wait, so you did try to warn me about the hellhound, but went through the wrong gate?" I asked.

By this point the figure was noticeably bobbing up and down along with its head.

"What happened? Did you get blown off course or something?"

The figure stopped moving, then slowly nodded.

"Must have been one hell of a breeze." I mused.

The figure drooped and nodded morosely.

"I'm guessing Rainbow sent you, or something similar, right?" I questioned it.

Nod.

I sighed. I guess Rainbow was holding up her end if she was trying to warn us about threats, and I probably shouldn't hold her accountable for weather conditions. "Fine. As long as there aren't any other surprises, I'll make sure Dogbreath gets the sword to Rainbow."

Author's Note:

Now I'm not 100% sure the Fate's are Nyx's children. Like a lot of Greek mythology, they are or aren't depending on who you ask. I don't remember it being mentioned in PJO or HOO, but my HOO is very rusty. PJ's Greek Gods claims that they are Zeus's children, but that book directly contradicts canon so much that I don't count it canon for anything other than characterization. (For example, it contradicts Hestia's whole 'I stepped down for Dionysus' shtick she mentioned in TLO, and it pretends telekhines was spelled telkhines the whole time).

For the purposes of this story, they are Nyx's children. They will likely only be mentioned once more in passing, so it's a minor thing.


	12. I Didn't Start the Fire

"WHERE ARE THEY!"

The entire hotel woke up about three hours later at 6:03 to the sound of a woman yelling.

"When I get my hands on that filthy halfblood and his brat of a sister, I'll… I'll…. I'll do something awful and painful."

Oh that clever little girl! Isn't involved in any of this my scaly ass! She lied to my face and I took it at face value. I shook my head, turned over, and went back to sleep.

REPLACE

"I wonder what all that screaming earlier was about?" Dogbreath commented as we walked downstairs.

"No idea. Maybe a halfblood looted the refrigerator last night." I lied, staring straight ahead. I wanted to hurry up and get out of this place before the events of the night before caught up to me. I also wanted to get to the busses quickly so that I could try and get some more sleep. I'd gotten less than four hours of it this morning, and I was feeling quite cranky.

Unfortunately, that was not to be. Before we even began to check out, the front door burst open to reveal a crowd of enormous men. Giant men. Laistrygonian men. There was also a tiny and ugly looking woman with them, looking quite comical as the only one under seven feet tall. I tried to hurry Dogbreath and the monster at the front desk.

It was too late. Within a few minutes I heard one of the giants yell, "Hey! Where's the food!"

I couldn't hear the response, but whatever it was, it was followed by dead silence. Then the giant spoke up again, and he wasn't happy. "You ruined Babycakes birthday! How DARE YOU!"

That's when the explosions and screaming started.

"Time to go!" I shouted, dragging the shocked Dogbreath out of the building by his collar. By the time we got to the bus station, a dark cloud was rising in the distance and the echo of sirens could be heard.

But that was behind us now. We boarded the first bus, and I soon found myself lost in the sleep I badly needed.

REPLACE

My dreams on that first bus were refreshingly normal. Someone broke into my apartment just to scrape a finger across the tops of all my blueberry muffins. Then I was suddenly in _The Prisoner of Azkaban_ when Lupin confronts Sirius in the Shrieking Shack. Things soon got weird as Sirius, totally unprompted, began to tearfully relate how the Potter's had given up Harr's twin sister for adoption, overburdened by the weight of raising the child of prophecy. Then he yelled at Snape, asking him if he was truly happy that Sirius had died in _The Order of the Phoenix_ , to which Snape replied 'Yes.'

It honestly sound like the premise for a bad fanfiction.

However, when I fell asleep on the second bus I found myself back in the wasteland, approaching the gate of horn.

"What now?" I asked after dismounting. The smoky figure shot towards me, and this time I didn't bat an eyelash as my world descended into momentary darkness. When it cleared I found myself in a train car, much like the one I had ridden two days ago and would board later today.

Three figures were in focus. All of them were young, male, and from their weapons they were clearly halfbloods. The tallest and eldest of the three was holding a spear, while a pair of twins sat across from him with a sword and knife. They were frozen in the middle of a discussion.

"Let me guess, they're after me and Dogbreath?" I asked. The scene dissolved away, and again I stood before the smoky figure. It nodded.

I glared at it. "This is totally breaking the spirit of my statement from last time. Just because this isn't going to be a surprise now doesn't mean I'm okay with doing it. It's going to take more than just mind-whammying the police for me to face three halfbloods with only a telekhine for backup."

The smoky figure seemed to mull this over for a moment. Hesitantly, it gave me a nod.

I smirked. "I take it Rainbow is open to negotiations?"

An even more hesitant nod.

I rubbed my hands together. "I want a favor. Whether we win or lose against the halfbloods, she owes me one."

Sometimes in myths, the gods and other assorted beings would hand out favors, or basically an open-ended request or promise. King Midas received the golden touch from Dionysus, which while not the happiest example is definitely the most well-known. I probably couldn't get anything too terribly large out of it without Rainbow getting angry and sabotaging it, but let's be honest. There's a lot of things that are hard for us mere mortals and monsters to do that an immortal can do with the snap of their fingers. Or hooves. Whichever is appropriate.

The smoky figure froze in shock for a moment, before vigorously shaking its head from side to side. I held fast.

"Come on." I urged. "It's going to be hard enough fighting three halfbloods with only a dog, a magic sword, myself, and a knife. You've got to give me some reason to take on those terrible odds."

The figure glided back and forth, as if pacing. The shadows that made it up writhed in place, swirling in a vortex of darkness. Its brilliant eyes kept glancing back at me as it debated my offer. Finally, the figure calmed down and stared at me. It didn't make any motions to assent to or deny my request, and I began to grow nervous.

After the staring contest grew distinctly uncomfortable, I drew my knife. "Last chance, take it or leave it." I prodded, threatening to stab and wake myself up.

The figure reared back in surprise and backed up a few steps. It regarded me carefully from its new distance, eyes glinting in the darkness. When it continued to make no motions indicating that it would assent to my request, I began to bring the knife down towards myself.

The figure immediately shot forward, shaking its head up and down. I smirked and placed the knife back on my belt as it trotted up. It came to a rest floating in front of me, and held out a shadowy hoof. I reached forward and took it in my hand, and we shook appendages.

Author's Note:

Yes, I had those dreams last night (well, I had the muffin and the Harry Potter dreams). The only difference was that Sunset Shimmer was the twin sister, which was odd because she was the only cartoon character present. I didn't include that as Doris is unfamiliar with MLP.


	13. Three Little Halfbloods

When I woke up, I didn't tell Dogbreath about my dream.

I mean come on. How would that come across? 'Hey Dogbreath, heads up, we're going to be facing three halfbloods. Of course we can't just ditch the sword and run, I'm getting a favor out of this. What? Of course I forgot about you while I was bargaining, you get nothing out of this.'

I simply remained extra vigilant and kept a sharp grip on my knife. I even took the remnant of my spear and shoved it through the rear belt loops of my pants. It made sitting a bit uncomfortable, but I wanted it within easy reach.

Nothing happened until we got to Harrisburg, and even then it was quiet at first. But as we walked from the bus station to the train station, we got lost. I don't mean we took a wrong turn lost, I mean that while walking down a busy sidewalk we found ourselves in an empty alley. I scanned the area around me, but didn't see any indications of anyone, much less a halfblood. Just me, Dogbreath, and the alley.

I decided to take a gamble.

"You can come out now. We know you're here." I called out.

Dogbreath looked at me like I was crazy. "What are you talking about? We just took a wrong turn."

"I know you're here." I corrected, hoping that I wasn't wrong. Just before I gave up, three familiar figures exited the mouth of the alley and walked towards us.

"Funny thing about being the son of the god of travelers; it makes it quite easy to get people lost." One of the twins said.

Then the elder halfblood spoke up. "Just hand over the sword, nobody has to get hurt."

"Sorry, we're basically contractually obligated to retrieve this." I said.

"None of that matters!" Dogbreath exclaimed as he drew Custer's sword. "This is the Sword of Damocles. With it I'm invincible!"

One of the twins frowned at him. "You're a loony."

"No I'm not!" The telekhine said. "I wield the sword of Custer! We can't possibly loose."

"Yeah!" I cheered. We did have the magic sword on our side, surely this couldn't be that hard?

"You guys do know what happened to Custer, right?" The other twin asked.

Dogbreath snarled. "Of course I do. He's the one who had the sword held over Damocles' head by a horse hair."

The elder halfblood looked physically pained. "No. That was Dionysus."

"The god?"

"No! The tyrant."

"What's the difference?" I asked.

"One's an Olympian, the other was a mortal tyrant who ruled Syracuse." The halfblood explained.

"Then who was this Custer guy and why did we grab his sword instead of Dionysus's?" Dogbreath asked.

"Custer was the last man to have the sword previously. He's infamous for dying with his entire unit at the Battle of Little Bighorn!" Said the first twin.

"Actually" The other twin interrupted. "He didn't lose his entire unit, just almost everyone directly under his command. There were lots of survivors from his other commanders at the battle."

His brother gave him a bewildered look.

"What?" The second brother said. "I read in my spare time."

"Look, you two obviously have no idea what you have there, so just hand it over." The elder halfblood tried again.

My cheeks flushed and I shook my head. So what if I hadn't bothered to memorize that story, and so what if I didn't know my American military history? We still had the magic sword on our side and I had a favor to win.

Everyone tensed, waiting to see who would make the first move and take the initiative. I fiddled with the knife in my right hand as time seemed to slow down. There were three of them. A one on one fight between either me or Dogbreath and a halfblood put team monster at enough of a disadvantage without the third halfblood involving himself. We had to take out one of their fighters immediately or we'd certainly lose.

Of course, by we, I meant I. There was no way Dogbreath was coming up with a winning strategy, and even if I came up with one, there was no time to coordinate with the telekhine. Well, if brute force wouldn't work, then it was down to trickery. I did have the remains of my spear behind me, so maybe that could be useful.

Switching my knife to my left hand, I charged at the spear wielding halfblood. He smirked, likely realizing I was inexperienced with both my left hand and knives in general, and began to position his spear to bat aside my knife and impale me in the same movement.

Which meant he was off balance and totally unprepared when my right hand yanked the remains of my spear out and lobbed it at him like a javelin.

Now I'd like to claim what happened next was intentional, but it wasn't. I had aimed at his chest, less out of a desire to gut him and more out of the hope of hitting the biggest target available. My inexperience with throwing a half-spear brought the trajectory down to leg height, and the halfblood began to turn in a last second dodge. This meant my spear entered the side of his lower left leg and protruded out the back. The halfblood dropped instantly with a cry of pain.

As the two other halfbloods moved forward to cover their fallen comrade, I shifted my knife back to my right hand. It wasn't a spear, but the basics of putting the pointy end into the enemy was the same… I hoped.

I could hear Dogbreath running up behind me, so I resumed my charge. This time I headed towards the knife wielding twin. We began a deadly dance of blades, with dodges, punches, and the occasional clash of knife on knife thrown in.

The halfblood was the first to draw proverbial blood. A lunge I almost dodged resulted in a prick on my arm. I hissed in pain, and managed to draw a shallow but long line up his arm. He retaliated with a punch to my jaw, and my kneejerk reaction planted my foot in his stomach.

The two of us separated for a moment. "You're pretty good with that knife. Who taught you?" The halfblood commented.

Really? I couldn't be _that_ good with a knife, it had to be beginner's luck. "No one, I learned how to use this about thirty seconds ago." I replied honestly. The halfblood raised one eyebrow, clearly not believing me.

Our attentions were then drawn to the other fight as Dogbreath began chanting in a tongue that was definitely not Greek. It sounded similar, but in a way much older. Then everything seemed to dim and Custer's sword began to glow. Noticing that my opponent was distracted, I made my move.

As Dogbreath's foe backed off in weariness, the chanting increased in volume and speed until it reached a mighty crescendo. A black star formed at the tip of Custer's sword. For a moment it hung there, and then like lightning it shot forward and slammed into the chest of Dogbreath's foe.

"OW! That… didn't hurt as much as I was expecting." He said.

"Is that guy for real?" My opponent asked.

"Unfortunately." I responded from right behind him. He didn't get a chance to do more than twitch before I brought the sinister knife up to his throat. "Drop your weapon." I commanded, and he did.

"Hey! Dumb and dumber!" I called, drawing the attention of Dogbreath and his opponent. They stopped fighting immediately.

"Yes!" Dogbreath yipped. "They always laughed at my dark magic before, but now I'm the one laughing!"

The halfblood gnashed his teeth.

I smirked. "Now here's what's going to happen. I'm going to stand right here, and you Mr. Halfblood McSword, are going to go stand next to Mr. Halfblood McSpear."

As the halfblood complied, a thought struck me. "Good. Now get the spear out of his leg and give it to Dogbreath."

"But it's staunching the bleeding!" he complained.

I shrugged. "Then cut off the tip, I don't care, just get the celestial bronze part off." Like I've said before, celestial bronze is hard to get. I'm not leaving my only supply of it in some random halfblood's leg!

The halfblood complied, sawing off the spearhead and handing it to Dogbreath. Dogbreath skipped to my side and handed me the bloody object. I pocketed it.

"Good. Now you two are going to stay right there, while Dogbreath and I are going to leave with your friend. If you all behave, we'll turn Mr. Halfblood McKnife loose once we've gotten out of the city."

"How do we know you won't just kill him the moment you're out of sight?" the injured halfblood said through clenched teeth.

"If you really don't trust me, I could slit his throat right now." I offered. All three halfbloods froze at that, before the injured one grunted out "Fine."

* * *

The walk was nerve wracking. I kept expecting our hostage to pull a random weapon out of nowhere and stab me to tartarus, or for the Mist to fail and the mortals freak out over me holding a knife to the kid's throat. Or a thousand other things that could have gone wrong. Despite my fears, we arrived at the train station safe and undusted.

While Dogbreath was off buying tickets, my captive spoke up for the first time. "I'm not getting on a train with you."

Well I didn't want to get on a train with him either, so we were both in agreement. Taking him here was enough of a strain on my nerves, there was no way I was dragging two sorry asses all the way to New York City. Dogbreath was enough of a pain for me, thank you very much.

I debated killing him, but decided not to chance the Mist failing. The last thing I needed was for the throng of mortals to catch me literally red-handed over a dead body. I pulled the knife away from his throat and let him go. "Get out of…" I began, but he was already gone. That kid could move fast. If he'd moved like that when we'd fought, I'd be dust now.

"I got tickets!" Dogbreath called. "Hey! Where'd the kid go?"

"I let him go. Too crowded in here." I explained.

Dogbreath looked very unhappy, but accepted my reasoning. Together, the two of us boarded the train bound for New York.


	14. The Sword of Damocles

I kept expecting _something_ to go wrong, but we arrived in New York without incident. When we reached my apartment building, I sighed in relief. We were safe.

"Hey Doris? When we give Rainbow the sword, follow my lead." Dogbreath said as we entered the elevator.

I glanced sideways at him. Did he want to make a big presentation out of giving her the sword? How would this work anyways? Rainbow didn't seem to want to hold the sword herself, so were we going to just wave it in front of her and then hang it up on the wall?

Dogbreath was staring at me intently. I shrugged, if he wanted to put on a show, fine by me. "Sure."

A moment later we were inside my apartment. The door had been fixed while we were gone, but other than that it looked like Rainbow hadn't touched a thing. The pegasus herself was staring at us from my couch, her wings twitching in anticipation.

"We've done as you've asked, and brought the Sword of Damocles." Dogbreath said in a loud and pretentious voice. He drew Custer's sword and rested the blade on his left flipper hand, his right still clutching the grip. He bent down and held the sword out in front of him, and began to approach Rainbow with his head held down.

I shrugged, assuming this was what Dogbreath meant in the elevator. I took up a position just behind him and to the right, and let the telekhine have his moment in the sun. I could claim my reward later, when he wasn't around.

Rainbow tilted her head as we approached, as if she didn't know what to make of the scene. I guess it did look pretty comical, especially when Dogbreath nearly tripped over the coffee table. When he reached her, he kneeled down and held the sword up for Rainbow to inspect. Not wanting to strain my snake-legs, I chose to bow.

Rainbow looked down to inspect the blade, then nearly lost her head when Dogbreath suddenly sprung upwards from his position and sliced the sword deeply through her throat.

Golden blood exploded from the wound, spraying all over Rainbow, Dogbreath, and my couch. I was so badly startled that I jolted backwards and fell flat on my ass. What the _Hades?_

"Doris, follow my lead!" He cried as he pulled the sword back and prepared to finish hacking through the pegasus's throat.

"ARE YOU INSANE?" I screamed.

Just before he struck a second time, Rainbow's presence exploded. The volume of blood leaking from her throat increased dramatically for a second, before trickling to a halt. Starting from the wound itself, Rainbow's coat and feathers along her entire body _melted_ away into an inky blackness I distantly recognized from my dreams. The room seemed to grow dim, as if it nighttime had come early. The wind picked up and the darkness that made up her body began glowing with power. I covered my eyes and turned away in shock.

There was a whimper, and then the sound of dust crumbling.

Dead silence. After a few minutes that conspicuously lacked my death, I chanced a glance back. Dogbreath was nothing more than a pile of golden sand, and the towering Rainbow locked her eyes with mine. She burned with raw power, and it hurt to look upon her. However, I got the sense that running or turning away would be a VERY bad idea. We stayed that way for a few minutes.

Finally, I spoke up. "You were that being in my dreams." I said, desperate to focus on literally anything other than the absolute disaster that had just happened in my apartment.

Rainbow, who now looked exactly like the smoky figure from my dreams, only a lot more menacing, nodded. Then she wobbled from side to side, and collapsed onto my floor.

I surveyed my recently fixed apartment. There was golden ichor on the couch, the coffee table, the floor, and myself. What was left of Dogbreath littered the floor. Finally, Rainbow was once more collapsed into a wounded heap.

I sighed and once more got to work tending to my winged guest and the mess she'd caused.

* * *

Rainbow's wounds were not actively bleeding, which was good because the simmering mass of shadows that currently made up her body wasn't actually corporeal. My attempt to take her pulse saw my hand go straight through her, a sensation that I did not enjoy very much. After half an hour of fluttering over her with no idea of what to do, I left the apartment and borrowed a fan from one of my neighbors. Five minutes later, Rainbow was safely floating above my bed and I was left with the rest of the mess.

I mopped up as much of the blood as I could. Like it had almost a week ago, her blood had a tendency to get into everything, and I eventually deemed fully cleaning it up as hopeless. The couch and coffee table were lost causes, and I'd need to get a rug to cover up the stain on the floor. I vacuumed up what was left of Dogbreath and cursed his remains as I threw him away.

I slept on the couch that night.

* * *

I awoke on June 21st to the rather alarming situation of finding Rainbow staring intently into my eyes from about a foot away.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" I yelled as I clutched my heaving chest.

The shadows that made up Rainbow writhed for a moment. Then she turned away and floated into the kitchen.

"Doris?"

I turned my head and looked into the eyes of _another_ Rainbow, this one in the form I had first met her in.

"Doris, please put the Sword on the table."

Despite her use of the word please, it was clear from her tone that this was not a request. I went to the closet, where I had stored Custer's sword.

"No." Rainbow interrupted. "Not Custer's sword, the Sword of Damocles."

I froze. This _wasn't_ the Sword of Damocles? Then what was? Had we come all this way only to fail because we grabbed the wrong sword?

Rainbow noticed my hesitation, and a wide grin formed on her muzzle. She pitched her head back and howled in laughter. It was a very disturbing laugh. "You didn't read the description on the labels at the museum did you?"

I took a step back from the pegasus, who was laughing so hard her neck wound reopened and a thin trail of golden blood began to run down her fur.

"Custer didn't carry a sword into his final battle, none of his soldiers did! He carried a hunting knife. The sword your companion brought was last used by Custer in the Civil War."

My eyes widened as I took out the knife I had appropriated from the museum.

Rainbow kept talking. "There was only one weapon in that museum suspected of having been present at the Battle of Little Bighorn, a hunting knife. It was donated to the museum by the descendants of one of the Indians present who opposed Custer. All of this was written on the information plaques at the museum. I even tried to point it out for you in a dream, but that was the time I went through the wrong gate."

I placed the knife on the table in front of Rainbow. On some unseen cue, perhaps the combined weight of our expectations, the knife _changed_. It elongated and gained both a more ostentatious and primitive look as it transformed into a short sword that wouldn't look out of place in a museum on ancient Greece.

"The sword still needs to be dealt with. It's properties make it extremely dangerous towards those in power, and in the coming days I very much do not want it falling into the wrong hands."

I nodded. I was almost at the finish line. I had known that there was _something_ Rainbow wanted done with the sword.

"You need to take it to Camp Half-Blood. They maintain a large collection of artifacts that should never again see the light of day, guarded incidentally by scores of demigods."

I nod-wait, no, NO! I vigorously shook my head in the negative.

Rainbow's eyes went distant for a moment. "Look, all you have to do is go there and toss the sword across the border."

I seethed in anger. "Why didn't you tell me this sooner? I could have simply given it to the halfbloods we fought back in Harrisburg and been done with it."

Rainbow's eyes went cloudy. "There was a reason I did not ask you to do that, they wouldn't have made it back alive. Demigods are much easier to track than monsters."

I paused. "Wait, what if I had a better idea of how to get it to Camp Deathtrap?"

Rainbow looked me dead in the eyes. "I'm listening."

* * *

As the cab pulled to a stop among the rolling hills near the entrance to Camp Half-Blood I tensed. Forget hellhounds and fighting three halfbloods, the most dangerous moments of my life were approaching.

"All right, that'll be-" the cab driver began to say before I threw some cash at him.

"Stay right there! I'll be back in seconds!" I interrupted. I then opened the door and bolted out of the cab.

 _Fifty feet. Thirty feet. Ten feet._

The moment I reached the mailbox I flipped it open and shoved my package inside. I then slammed it shut and bolted back to the cab.

 _Fifty feet. Thirty feet. Ten feet._

I slammed the cab door behind me. "STEP ON IT!" I screeched.

Author's Note:

From my (admittedly halfhearted) research, Custer and his men did not carry swords at the Battle of Little Bighorn. Custer carried a hunting knife. I have no idea what happened to said hunting knife, but in this story it was the Sword of Damocles, and it was taken from his body after his death. The guy who took it had a bad feeling about the sword/knife, and thus never used it for everything and it metaphorically sat on a shelf until one of his descendants, who also got a bad vibe from the knife, decided to get rid of it in a non-disrespectful way by donating it. The celestial bronze sword was just that, and was either made for Custer or given to him by a halfblood for some reason, I never really decided which. Either way, what'd you think of my first ever bait and switch?

As for Dogbreath, I planned on him doing this almost from the very beginning. He was unhappy with having to work with Rainbow in the first place, hates the gods, and gains possession of what he thinks is a magic sword. Of course he's going to try to kill Rainbow.


	15. Epilogue for the Sword of Damocles

I numbly stared at the television.

"… and now the question we've all been wondering. How did you convince one of the cannibal cultists to free you and your brother?"

The steel-eyed girl smirked at the man interviewing her. "Well John, at first she didn't even know we were there. We were being kept in the kitchen, and then at like one in the morning one of the mon- er, cultists, entered the room and started ransacking the fridge. She saw us while she was devouring a bunch of ham with no table manners whatsoever. She seemed surprised to see us at all! Then I tried to convince her to let my brother go. I must have been pretty convincing though, because a moment later she cut us both loose, and helped us sneak out the back door."

The camera focused back on the man interviewing her. "And so yet another group of children escaped from crazed kidnappers. As a reminder, police are having difficulty in identifying the cult members, as the hotel where they were headquartered burned to the ground under suspicious circumstances the next day. These three are believed to be the ringleaders."

The camera then cut to sketches, two of which I vaguely recognized as Laistrygonians. Of the three, only the giant Joe Bob had a name placed with his sketch.

"Police would appreciate help in identifying them. In addition, they are also seeking the cult member who set the children free. They stress that this is mostly to help in identifying further members of the cult. Here is her sketch."

My jaw dropped as a near perfect rendition of my face was plastered onto nationwide television.

"That's going to be problematic." Rainbow commented from her spot on the couch.

I turned and began to plead with her. "Fix this!"

Rainbow turned, looked me dead in the eyes, and smirked. "No."

"You made the thing with the police go away before. Please, I'll do anything!" I begged.

Rainbow didn't stop smirking. "You really shouldn't say things like that unless you truly mean it."

I shuddered at that not so subtle reminder of what Rainbow was. My silence only lasted a moment though. "This is going to cause me so much trouble."

Rainbow turned back to the television. "Just use the Mist to alter your appearance."

I groaned. "But that takes constant effort to maintain a complex disguise like that, and monsters might notice and see through it. Couldn't I use my favor to get rid of this?"

Rainbow snorted. "Tracking down and modifying the memories of the several million mortals who just witnessed that broadcast is beyond my ability."

The next several minutes were spent in silence.

"You know," I said. "Tricking me into chancing death multiple times rather than accepting a brief prison stay was kind of a jerk move."

Rainbow stared at the television. "Objectively."

I pushed further. "Considering I accepted your offer, you never did repay me for taking care of you while you were hurt."

I could tell Rainbow's feathers were ruffled. "I believe showing up with the offer was sufficient."

"You and I have two very different definitions of the word gratitude. You don't thank the shady man for showing up in his white van and offering you candy."

"I resent that comparison!"

I pressed on. "You also have just lazed about on my couch for over two weeks. I do have to pay rent you know!"

"Don't try to pull that on me. I've seen the money you pay your landlord with."

"It's the principle of the thing! Why are you still here anyways?" I asked. I'd been meaning to ask that for a while now, but Rainbow's willingness to take the couch without question and let me continue to use my bedroom had earned her some brownie points. Also, it was difficult to bring up kicking the pseudo Greek god out of your apartment into casual conversation.

"My mother thinks that I've moved in here. My stuff appeared in your bedroom two nights ago."

I turned to look at her questioningly.

Rainbow frowned in my direction. "You can still use the bed, I sleep standing up so I'll continue to metaphorically take the couch. Just don't open the closet if you value your sanity."

I nodded, then took a breath for my final question. "Do I have to worry about your mother sending any other hellhounds after me?"

Rainbow shook her head. "My mother usually lets her children fend for themselves. Unless you attempt to grievously harm me, you should be fine." Then her smirk turned downright predatory. "She did prepare a warm welcome for your… friend down in Tartarus though."

I shuddered. Even though I could still see the scars on Rainbow's neck when I looked hard enough, I felt sorry for Dogbreath. Hopefully Nyx would tire of playing with him eventually.

"I would rather go ahead and settle the debts between us." Rainbow prompted.

I frowned and thought about it really hard. The one thing I wanted right now Rainbow couldn't do, so I needed something different. It took a while, but I eventually settled on a response.

"Friends don't leave friends hanging. I helped you out when you needed it, and when I need it you won't be able to refuse helping me." I said.

Rainbow looked at me. "While not ideal, that is acceptable. Does this mean that we are friends?"

I snorted. "Considering what you are and the fact that you sleep on my couch, I'd shudder if we weren't friends. No offense, but I don't like horses that way."

Author's Note:

And almost 20,000 words later, we finally come to the end of the first story arc. Yay!


	16. Doris Gets a Job at Monster Donuts

**Day 1**

"Why are you so frantic?" Rainbow asked.

I finished combing my hair and headed for the door. "First impressions are important."

"I thought you already met your boss?"

"I did! But I haven't met my co-workers yet." I called as I left the room.

The incident with Dogbreath's disgusting drachma back in Ohio had taught me an important lesson. I couldn't rely on monopoly money to pay my bills forever, something would eventually crop up that required real cash. About half a year after the Sword of Damocles adventure, I began to shop around for a job.

A few months later, I had decided upon working at a Monster Donuts that had opened up inside a mortal mall. The owner seemed more interested in making cash than hunting halfbloods, and I was fine with that. I was also fine with having mortals as my co-workers, which had apparently been a sticking point with other monsters.

Today was my first day. I could tell it was going to be great!

* * *

The only person I met that day was George. While not the big boss (that was the hydra Mr. Phillips), he was apparently a little boss, and he had me watch training videos for my entire shift. It was… informative.

 **Day 2**

My second day began like the first, with me being banished to the office to watch training videos. I'd been engrossed in them for several hours when the sharp BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! of the fire alarm went off. Startled, I froze for a second, before I exited the office. "What's going on?" I asked a passing George.

"Oh, one of the other restaurants in the food court caught fire. You can go up front and look at it if you want, just be quick. The mall is having us evacuate."

I walked up front, passing by my co-workers as they exited the building. Leaving the kitchen, I looked out over the food court. No flames were visible, but smoke poured out of one of the restaurants on the far side. One poor old woman sitting right in front of where the smoke was coming from was calmly eating her food.

"Hey!" I looked to the side to see that despite the accumulation of massive amounts of smoke, the blaring of the fire alarms, and the absence of any other employees upfront, there were still people waiting in line to order food. "I want a number one, all glazed, with a Coke to drink."

I stared at the customer for a moment. "Sorry, we can't take orders right now. You should probably leave, there's a fire over there." I then bolted for the exit.

When I arrived outside, most of the food court employees were gathered in a circle. Curious, I approached them to listen in.

"… So that's how the fire probably got started in the grease hood." A man was saying. "So I went to go get the chemical extinguisher. Unfortunately, when I got back with it I saw that my co-workers had the _bright_ idea to stretch the sink hose over to spray into the fire."

At that statement, almost everyone flinched. "Yeah, I'm going to be honest, at that point I just dropped the extinguisher and ran for the exit." The man continued.

"Hey Doris." Another of my little bosses called, a nice lady named Mrs. Jessica. "You should probably head home. It's going to take a while for the smoke to clear and the fire department to start letting people back inside, and your shift is almost over anyways."

So I went home.

 **Day 3**

I was almost finished with the training videos when George burst into the office. "Doris, we have a bus. You need to come up and help."

I hesitated. "But I haven't finished the videos."

George smiled. "Don't worry, you'll do fine. We already have all the registers covered, so you can just make drinks."

I smiled tentatively. I could do this.

 **Day 4**

I couldn't do this.

I grunted in pain as yet another half of a lemon came loose from my hand, causing my fingers to impact the plastic spinner. It wasn't fast enough to injure me, but it stung every time.

"Doris, why are you squeezing the lemons?" Mrs. Jessica asked.

"George told me to. It's harder than it looks." I said.

A dark look came over Mrs. Jessica's face. "When I told that boy to squeeze the lemons, I meant for _him_ to do it. Go back up front and tell George to get back here."

I eagerly complied.

 **Day 9**

"And one cent is your change." I said as I handed a penny to the thirteenish year old girl. Then I smirked and added. "Don't spend it all in one place."

The girl looked me dead in the eyes and said, "You're an ass." Then she walked away.

 **Day 13**

"May I have a name for the order?" I asked the man.

"Prince." He said with a smile.

"Oh, like the singer?" I asked while I typed it in.

The man's smile widened. "No, like this." He then produced a driver's license for 'Prince Narcissus O'Sea.

Suspicious, I took a discrete sniff. Nope, totally human.

 **Day 15**

"I need a new drink, this one has a hole in it."

I looked at the cup. It seemed fine, but whatever. I grabbed a new cup and moved to pour what was left out of the old cup into it when the man interrupted. "No, don't do that, pour it out."

I paused for a moment, trying to figure out why a hole in the cup ruined the remaining soda. Deciding that it didn't matter, I poured out the first cup and filled the new one from the drink fountain. I smiled and handed the man his new drink.

"What's this attitude about?" the man asked.

Perplexed, I almost responded with 'what attitude' before settling on "I'm sorry?"

The man squinted at me. "Is it okay if I take this cup?" he asked, as if he expected me to jump the counter and mug him for the drink. You know, the same drink I had just given him.

"Yes, it's fine." I said, unsure of what to do. The man stared at me for a moment, before walking away.

 **Day 16**

"Hey Doris?" My co-worker Rodrigo asked.

I turned to look at him.

"Look at this weird green stuff I found in my armpit. Do you have any idea what it is?" He asked.

My jaw dropped. "Don't say things like that! There are customers here!"

 **Day 19**

It was after we had closed and begun to clean up when a man walked up to the counter. "I want a number two…" he began.

"Sorry we're closed." Another of my mini-bosses named Susan said.

"I would also like a large lemonade with my order." The man continued.

"Sir, we are closed." Susan tried again.

The man was not impressed. "Are you not going to serve me?" He asked indignantly.

"No, because we're closed." Susan responded.

"I want to speak to your manager." The man demanded.

"Well lucky for you I am a manager." Susan said with a smirk. "We're still closed."

"I'm going to call corporate and tell them you are refusing to serve me!" He threatened.

"Go ahead and do that, they're the ones who tell us not to serve anyone after we're closed. Now if you don't leave, I'm going to call mall security."

 **Day 20**

A man ran past at full speed carrying a bag. He was moving at an impressive rate of speed.

"He looks like he's running like he stole something." I commented.

Then a man who I recognized as a mall vendor ran by at a similar speed, closely followed by three mall cops.

"Oh, I guess he did steal something."

 **Day 22**

"May I have a name for the order?" I asked.

"No, you may not." The man said.

"It's just so that we know who to give the food to." I assured the man.

"No, I'm not giving you my name." He refused.

I sighed. "Look, it's just so we can connect you with your order. You can just make up a name, it's not like we care."

"I won't do that. Instead, I'm going to stand right here by the register and you'll hand me my food once it's ready." He said imperiously.

I frowned. Customers were like small children, they had a habit of wandering off whenever you took your eyes off of them. "If you're sure…" I said.

"I am." The man said resolutely. I went ahead and put in 'Nemo' for the name, so that _I_ would know when the food was ready and be able to give it to him, and then moved on to taking the next order.

When no-name's food was ready, he was nowhere in sight.

 **Day 24**

"Can I have some Arby's sauce?" The woman asked.

"No, this isn't Arby's." I reminded the woman.

"Oh sorry, I mean can I have some Zax's sauce?" the woman tried again.

"No, this isn't Zaxby's. This is Monster Donuts. We have Monster sauce." I replied.

 **Day 28**

"What's on the secret menu?" A young woman asked.

I blinked. "I'm not sure what you're talking about?" I asked.

"Well Alfonso told me that Alexis told him that Rodrigo told her that you guys have a secret menu. So what's on it?" The woman continued.

"There's no secret menu. Do you mean the catering menu?" I asked.

"No. I want to know what's on the secret menu. Can I talk to a manager?" She continued.

 **Day 30**

"What would you like to eat sir?" I asked the man.

He stared at me.

"Uh, sir?" I prompted.

"It's you." He whispered.

I immediately took a step back. "What?"

"YOU DO EXIST!" The man yelled, his expression turning wild.

I backed up until I hit the lemonade dispenser

He kept screaming at me. "I told them there were three people we arrested with the guns! But everyone else said that there was only one. I was right though, you were there too!"

Susan came to my rescue, and stood between the two of us. "Sir, I'm asking you to leave. You can't just verbally harass our employees."

"I had to see a psychiatrist because of you! They all said I was crazy!" The man said while frothing at the mouth.

I began to step towards the door to the kitchen. Unfortunately, the crazy dude wasn't having any of it.

"Oh no you don't!" He cried, and then vaulted over the counter.

"Stop him!" Susan yelled as she moved to block his path to me. I turned and ran into the back.

 **Day 31**

"I'm sorry to lose such a good worker, especially so soon after we've trained you." One of Mr. Philips' heads rumbled.

"I just can't do this anymore." I said honestly. Forget being a monster, customer service was the weirdest and most demanding thing I'd done.

"Well after the incident yesterday, I completely understand. We've never had something like that happen at a Monster Donut that didn't involve a halfblood. Don't worry about your two weeks' notice, I won't make you come in if you have to fear for your safety."

I nodded in thanks and left my job. As I exited the building I thought about what had happened. The pay was good, and the work itself was not so hard, but dealing with people was just exhausting and apparently dangerous. I was so deep in thought that I didn't realize I was being followed at first.

Then two small figures ran past me and stopped, blocking my path. I halted to keep from colliding with them, then recoiled in shock as the taller of the pair drew a mortal sword and pointed it at me.

The steel-eyed girl from Ohio looked at me with a shit-eating grin. "Found you!"

Author's Note:

I feel kind of bad that the longest chapter so far is the one almost entirely based on my frustrations with working for a fast-food restaurant. Everything prior to day 30 is based on real events, that I either experienced or was told about. Be nice to the employees, they have to put up with the weirdest stuff.


	17. The Curse of the Princess Andromeda

Faced with a halfblood and a mortal wielding a sword, I wished I had my spear. I hadn't brought it with me to work today because honestly, who gets put in life threatening situations at a food court _two days in a row?_ Obviously that person was me, and I had to deal with it now. I did the smart thing and ran.

"Wait! We just want to talk!" The girl cried, but I was already slithering away at full speed.

Now normally a foot race between two small children and a fully-grown adult ends decisively in favor of the adult, but my snake-legs aren't built for running. We reached the subway at almost the same time, and I was treated to the most awkward subway ride in history. Well, at least since that time I took Rainbow shopping for a new rug.

"Please just give us a few minutes." The girl whispered.

"No." I hissed back.

The two followed me all the way back to my apartment building. I tried to use my adult stamina to outlast them by running up the stairwell instead of taking the elevator. _Bad move_. As it turns out, children have lots and lots of energy. Adults like myself have a limited supply, and I had been running most of the way here.

The boy had to help me limp up the last flight of stairs. Once I finished crawling to my apartment, the girl had to take my keys and open the door for me. I pulled myself across the threshold and looked for Rainbow.

"Rainbow... I need… your help…" I gasped out. But my would-be savior was nowhere to be seen, and I wailed softly. The boy patted me on the back as the girl helped me to the couch.

"How… did you find me?" I panted.

"Mostly by chance." The girl explained. "We were in the food court yesterday and saw the commotion. You looked slightly different from the last time we saw you, but you're still recognizable."

I cursed my half-assed Mist mask. If only I'd been willing to put more effort into it…

"I'm glad we found you, because we really need your help." The girl continued.

"You're a mortal… and a halfblood. I'm a monster, and not even one of the 'good' types… like a centaur or pegasus." I glanced at the sheath at the girl's side, and asked a question that had really been bothering me. "Where'd you even get a normal sword anyways? I know Camp Half-Blood hands out weapons like party favors… but they're always celestial bronze."

"This?" She asked, waving the sword around before returning it to its sheath. "A relative took it off a dead Japanese soldier in World War II. It's not ideal, and it's heavy for someone like me, but against things armed with nothing more than a knife it's worked well so far."

I stared at her. "And no one's found it odd for a teenager to be lugging around a sword?"

Unlike weapons of celestial bronze, mortal weapons weren't naturally shrouded with the Mist. While I could walk down the street and my spear would appear as an umbrella, or something similarly non-lethal, that sword would still look like a sword.

"Hector, what's rule #3?" She asked.

The boy latched onto his sister's leg and looked up at her eyes in glee. "Always use the Mist to hide Sissy's sword!" He chirped.

His sister reached down and tousled his hair.

I sighed. "If you really want some help then there is something I can do for you. You're going to want celestial bronze if you intend to keep on fighting monsters. It's sharper than steel, naturally hidden from mortal eyes, and poisonous to monsters." I said before limping to the closet.

When I opened it, a dozen duplicates of Rainbow stared back at me. Ignoring the headache that caused, I reached past them and grabbed Custer's sword. I shut the door and turned back to my guests.

"Here. This is the sword of George Armstrong Custer, it'll work much better. There, I've helped you. Now shoo."

The girl stared at me like I was a lunatic. "You just have the sword of a famous American general sitting in your closet? Do you also have Patton's revolver in your nightstand? Washington's socks in your wardrobe? The entrance to the Chamber of Secrets in your bathroom?"

At that exact moment, the balcony door opened. In trotted Rainbow, who was balancing a FedEx package on her back. "Hello Doris, hello random children." She said as she walked past us and into my bedroom.

The girl turned back to me with a furious glare on her face. "Sorry, I meant to say the entrance to the Chamber of Secrets is on your balcony. She certainly wasn't there when we came in!"

"I can confirm there is no entrance to the Chamber of Secrets on the balcony." Rainbow said as she reentered the room sans-package. She spoke this in her serious tone of voice, as if it was something she actively checked balconies for.

The girl turned to look at Rainbow… mostly. Her eyes were focused a few feet above where Rainbow's head was, and it made me wonder what she was seeing. Perhaps the black haired lawyer form Rainbow had used last year at the police station?

Her brother, however, saw exactly what was there. He practically vibrated in place with excitement, his hands twitching with the young child's instinct to touch everything interesting.

"Who are you and why are you here?" The girl demanded.

"I live here." The pegasus said dismissively, before turning to look at Hector in interest.

The girl's eyes widened in surprise, and she turned to look at me as if she'd just realized something. "Oh, I see, you're…" She began to say.

But before she could finish, her brother lost control of himself. "You're so pretty!" He said as he bolted over and began to pet Rainbow.

"Brother!" The girl cried in shock.

"It's okay." Rainbow said. The air _twisted_ , and I could tell that Rainbow had dropped the veil of Mist that had been obscuring her form from the girl's eyes. While the girl stared in shock, Rainbow used one of her wings to pat Hector on the head. Then the pegasus turned to face me. "Not that I particularly care, but out of curiosity, why have you invited a demigod into your apartment?"

I glared at the two. "They followed me here from work. Where are your parents anyways, haven't they ever told you not to follow strangers home?"

The two glanced at each other. "That's the problem." The boy said softly.

The girl sighed. "After you rescued us last year, our father decided he would send Hector to Camp Half-Blood next summer. So a few months ago we planned out one last family vacation together. We packed up our things, sent the family dog to a friend's house, and boarded the _Princess Andromeda_ for a Caribbean cruise."

The girl paused. I motioned for her to continue, and she frowned.

"I was hoping you might have heard of it. I don't remember most of what happened, but Hector said that as soon as we left port everyone on board went into a trance."

"They started acting like robots." He supplied. "But not like good robots, but broken ones. Also, there were monsters everywhere! I saw a bunch of snake ladies like you, only mean and not nice, and a few dogs that looked like Clifford, but also mean and not nice. Along with me, they were the only ones who weren't acting like robots."

"So how'd you get here?" I asked.

"I pushed her right over the side!"

I stared at him in shock. The girl sighed. "Yes, you did. One day while the ship was at a port in Florida, Hector managed to shove me over the side of the boat and jumped after me. It was like I woke up from a dream, except instead of waking up in my bed I woke up fifty feet above the water. We barely made it to shore."

While that was sad and all, that didn't explain why they were here. "Okay, you escaped. Congratulations. Why are you still here?"

"Because our father is still on board, Hector wasn't strong enough to push him over the railing." The girl supplied.

I stared at the two. "And you came to _me_? Why didn't you go to that stupid camp? Halfbloods love quests, surely they could help you?"

She shook her head. "That's what we did at first. I managed to get Hector all the way to the Camp and dropped him off, and trust me that wasn't easy. He ran away and found me the next morning."

"They wouldn't help!" The boy cried angrily. "They said they 'couldn't find the ship', and 'it's too dangerous'. They wanted me to just leave Dad there with all the bad guys! Even the nice magic lady wouldn't help, so I went back to Sissy, because I knew she'd help!"

The girl looked pained as she smiled at her brother. "Yes, because I've always dreamed of taking on a ship full of monsters with the family stolen sword. The same ship that I can't even set foot on without suffering from the jedi mind-trick of doom."

Hector stared at her in admiration. "You're so amazing Sissy."

Okay, I had to ask it. "Who's the nice magic lady?"

The girl turned back to me. "I think that's his Mom, but I've never seen her. Anyways will you help us?"

"No."

"Please? What if it was your parents trapped on that cruise ship? Wouldn't you do anything to save them?"

"I'd leave them. They were horrible parents." I said, shaking my head.

"Please? We'll do anything! Our dad's really rich!" The girl pleaded.

"I can do cool magic tricks for you!" The boy added.

That made me pause. I _had_ been trying to gain more money lately. I also knew that there were places halfbloods could go and things they could do that even the gods couldn't. Something about them being half and half made them special.

Even Rainbow, who previously had been focused mostly on Hector's head, was paying attention now.

"Anything?" I asked tentatively. "And all I have to do is go on a boat and drag a guy off of it?"

The two nodded.

I thought about it. If there was a spell or curse that rendered mortals incoherent, but left halfbloods and monsters unaffected, then it was probably pretty weak. A minor calming spell or something. All I'd have to do would be to get on board, pick up the guy, and leave. Simple.

Plus the offer from the halfblood was really tempting. What monster wouldn't want their own halfblood they could throw at a situation to make it go away? Rainbow already owed me twice over, but there were things she couldn't or _wouldn't_ want to do, and as always that was when halfbloods stepped up to the plate and took the shit jobs. Sure, he was rather tiny at the moment, but in a few years who knew how powerful he'd be?

"I'll do it. You two owe me metaphorically, and your dad owes me literally."

A grin threatened to split the girl's face. "Great! Thank you so much! I'll take Hector and head back home tomorrow while you go and-"

"Oh no," I interrupted, "You aren't getting out of this that easily, you're coming with me. I don't know what your dad looks like, and if anything goes wrong you guys are dealing with it too."

"I'll come as well, under the same terms." Rainbow said.

I turned to her in shock. "What? Why do you want to go?"

"I have no source of income, and halfbloods are always useful." She reminded me. Huh, I guess even immortals had finance issues. "Besides, I have business in the area anyways."

I stared at her. "What business could you possibly have in Florida? You've barely left my apartment in the past year."

Rainbow gave me a look, one that I knew from experience meant I wouldn't be getting any answers on that front.

"Who is she and why should we bring her with us? I don't think any of us could ride a pegasus that small." The girl asked skeptically.

A savage grin came across Rainbow's muzzle, and she leapt onto the coffee table to stand before us. "I am a daughter of Nyx!" She boomed. Her fur and feathers darkened until they turned into shadowy wisps as she discarded her current guise. She began to glow ominously, and the power held within her small frame threatened to break free and incinerate all of us.

The siblings leaned back in shock. Rainbow, having divested herself of what she insisted was her 'business suit', had become the mute shadowy figure that had once haunted my dreams. She probably thought this was very intimidating, but after you got past the initial shock she looked like a girl's edgy nightlight. A very edgy nightlight.

"She goes by Rainbow." I commented.

The girl burst into laughter. Rainbow froze in shock, then glared at me as she donned her usual form. I ignored it. She gets way too much of a kick out of scaring people like that for it to be healthy.

"Can… can whatever Rainbow is really come with us?" The girl asked.

Rainbow looked at her oddly. "Why couldn't I?"

"Well, from what my dad told me, it seemed like halfbloods had to do everything themselves. He said the gods weren't allowed to act directly."

"That's typically to avoid accusations of favoritism." Rainbow responded. "The gods have a lot of kids, and spending a bunch of time with one but not the others could lead to even more resentment than there currently is. They could if they absolutely needed to though. In any case, I'm a protogenos, not a god, so the same rules don't always apply."

"Have you ever read the myth of Perseus?" I asked the girl. "It's basically two gods dragging the most unathletic kid they could find across ancient Greece to fame and fortune."


	18. PERSEUS: A Comedy, By Doris

Author's Note: In case anyone is wondering what Doris meant at the end of the last chapter, here is the story of Perseus. When I read it for the first time, I honestly couldn't believe how everyone just gives Perseus everything he could ever want, he doesn't even have to ask for it.

 **PERSEUS: A Comedy**

 **By Doris**

Disclaimer: This is the myth as it was taught to me in school, so if it differs from what actually happened or from other versions of the myth, just blame the American Educational System.

Long ago, like thousands of years long ago, there lived a king in Greece named Acrisius. He had a beautiful daughter named Danaë, but like all ancient kings what he really wanted was a son. So Acrisius decided he better go ask the oracle at Delphi if he was ever going to have a son.

The oracle at Delphi was sort of like the Google of the ancient world. Want to know how to defeat a great enemy? Ask the oracle. Want to know how to live a good life? Ask the oracle. Want to know when and how you'll die? Ask the oracle.

So Acrisius traveled to Delphi and asked the oracle. "Hey, I've been waiting for a package for several years and it still hasn't arrived. Do you know when it will show up?"

"Hm. Which package was this?" Asked the priestess.

"That son I've been hoping to have. Know when he's going to show up?"

The priestess consulted her records. "Oh, I have bad news. You will never have a son."

Acrisius was heartbroken. Not because he particularly cared about his non-existent son, but because it was something he'd wanted, and was then told he couldn't have. "Oh well. Maybe I can find one at the local orphanage."

But as he turned to leave the priestess grabbed his shoulder. "Act now and you can get a second prophecy for free!"

Acrisius took the click-bait. "I'd love a free prophecy!"

The priestess smirked. "You won't for much longer. Not only will you never have a son, your daughter will have a son that will kill you one day."

Acrisius went home disappointed and angry, kind of like most people who visited the oracle.

'Hm.' He thought. 'I can't let my daughter have a child, if it's a boy he'll kill me eventually.'

Now while a sensible person might go and tell their wonderful, beautiful, lovely in every way daughter that dating is forever off the table due to potential death, Acrisius wasn't a normal person. He was actually quite a dick, and the only reason he didn't kill his daughter was that he knew that the gods hated it when people killed members of their own family. The last thing he wanted was to be hit with a bolt of lightning and then tortured for all eternity by the Furies.

So he didn't kill his daughter, and instead built an underground lair out of bronze to hide her in. He decided that if he trapped her there, she obviously couldn't have a boyfriend, and thus no kids. She still had to breathe, so he left the top off of his daughter dungeon.

If he had ever watched the ancient Greek version of _Jurassic Park_ , he would have realized that sex life finds a way. Especially when that life is named Zeus and in a particularly horny mood. One cloudy day, Danaë was looking up at the clouds, hoping that it wouldn't rain on her again. Up in the clouds, Zeus was looking down and deciding to get a little weird.

Golden rain fell from the sky, and Danaë got pregnant. Somehow, she put two and two together and got Zeus. Despite being trapped in a metal box with nowhere to hide, she managed to go through her pregnancy, give birth, and begin to raise her child without Acrisius knowing. She named him Perseus.

One day, Acrisius went down to visit his daughter and realized that there was someone else in the room with them. "That's a baby boy." He said intelligently. "That is indeed a baby. Down here in my daughter dungeon. Where she isn't supposed to be able to have a boyfriend."

"Yup. Say hello to your grandson Perseus." Danaë said.

Now Acrisius didn't want to say hello to Perseus, he really wanted to scream 'DIE PERSEUS!', but he couldn't for the same reason he couldn't kill Danaë. So instead he focused on the whole 'no boyfriends' thing.

"Who's the father?" He asked.

"Zeus." His daughter replied.

Now Zeus was almost as frisky as Poseidon was in ancient times, so when someone claimed they were pregnant with or had given birth to Zeus's kid, they probably were telling the truth. Acrisius didn't believe his daughter though. He certainly hadn't seen a god come down and visit his daughter. That and his daughter hadn't met a terrible fate at the hands of Hera, as was the norm for Zeus's girlfriends.

Then Acrisius had a terrible idea. _He_ couldn't kill his daughter or grandson, but what if he made sure that they died another way?

"Hey Danaë? I think I'm warming up to the little tyke. I think I'll get him a present."

He had a giant chest made, and brought it down to the bronze dungeon.

"Oh, is it a giant toybox for little Perseus?" Danaë asked.

Acrisius smirked. "Nope! It's a youbox!"

Then he had Danaë and Perseus stuffed in the chest, locked it, and put it on a boat. He sailed out to sea, threw the chest overboard, went home and called it a day. His daughter and grandson would surely drown/die of exposure/starve to death/die of thirst/etc., and it wouldn't be him that killed them!

He was in such a good mood that he decided to celebrate by oppressing his subjects.

* * *

Back in the chest, Danaë and Perseus sailed on. The next morning the chest washed ashore on an island. This wasn't of great help to the pair locked inside, as it only meant that they could no longer drown. However, at this point either the Fates or Zeus looked down and thought, 'Gee this is getting really dark. I better throw those two a bone.' and caused a fisherman named Dictys to come across the chest.

When Dictys found the chest, he thought he'd finally won the great Poseidon lottery. He eagerly opened it up and was surprised to find two people inside. Despite his name Dictys was not actually a dick, and took the two home. He and his wife didn't have any kids, but he had always wanted a grandson to spoil.

For a while, everyone was happy. Dictys and his wife got a pseudo-daughter and pseudo-grandson, Acrisius got rid of his potential murderer, Perseus grew up and learned how to fish, and Danaë got out of both her bronze dungeon and the chest of doom.

But then another horny guy came along. Dictys's brother Polydectes was a very mean man. He was so mean, that despite ruling the island none of the women wanted to date him. This was fine with Polydectes for a while, but then one day he saw Danaë and thought. 'Man, that chick is beautiful. She has a fully grown kid, but she's still the hottest woman on the island. I gotta marry her.'

There was a problem though. Polydectes didn't like Perseus at all. He just wanted Danaë, he didn't want to have to look after a kid, even one fully grown and self-sufficient like Perseus. So he decided to get rid of Perseus. Like Acrisius, Polydectes didn't want to actually have to kill Perseus himself. So he came up with a plan.

"Hey Perseus, do you know what I would want more than anything in the world?" He said to Perseus one day.

"That seems like an odd question, but I'll bite." Perseus replied.

"The head of Medusa. You know, the gorgon who is so ugly she turns people to stone when they look at her. The one guarded by her two immortal gorgon sisters. Unlike her sisters, Medusa can be killed. I dream that one day I might have her severed head in a bag, which I can then put on my mantle." Said Polydectes.

"That's ambitious." Perseus noted. "What I want more than anything in the world is for my grandfather to welcome me home with open arms so that we can be reconciled and live together in happiness."

Polydectes frowned. "That's the grandfather who locked your mother in a dungeon, and then stuffed both her and you in a chest and left you at sea to die, right?"

Perseus nodded. "Yup, that one. My other grandfather, Kronos, went to pieces before I was born."

"You're family's weird."

Then Polydectes put into motion step two of his two step plan to get rid of Perseus. He announced he was getting married and invited all of his friends, as well as Perseus. He didn't say who he was getting married to, just that it was going to happen.

He threw a big party, and everyone brought him gifts. Everyone, however, except for Perseus. Maybe Perseus was really poor, or maybe Polydectes only gave him the invitation the day of the party. Either way, Perseus watched as all the other people gave Polydectes great gifts. In fact, they gave him all the gifts Perseus could think of that Polydectes could want. All of them, except for…

"Hey Perseus, what's your gift?" asked Polydectes.

"Uh… I'll bring you the best gift of anyone! I'll bring you the head of Medusa!" Perseus boasted.

Now I know what you're thinking. Pride, a fall, and all that. But Perseus was weird in that apart from Acrisius and Polydectes, everyone on the planet seemed to think the kid was the coolest thing ever. The Fates included. Perseus would just show up somewhere and people would throw him parties and give him magical items, heck Hermes backpacked across half of Greece with the kid!

But that would happen later, and right now Perseus had neither a sword nor knew where Medusa lived. Perseus realized that this was a problem, and that he hadn't really planned out this whole 'Medusa killing thing.' Rather than go home and tell his mom of his poor decision, he hopped on the first ship to Greece. After all, the oracle at Delphi was the Google of the ancient world and Perseus had a gorgon to find.

* * *

"What do you mean you don't know where Medusa lives?" Perseus asked, dumbfounded.

The priestess shrugged. "One day everyone seems to know the story of Medusa, the next everyone just seems to forget where she lives. These things have been happening a lot ever since we switched to Bing."

"Can you at least tell me where to find someone who knows where Medusa lives?" He tried.

The Priestess frowned. "We typically aren't in the business of referring people to other founts of ancient wisdom."

"Please?" Asked Perseus.

The Priestess studied him for a moment. "Oh alright, but only because you are such a cool guy. Go to the land where people eat acorns instead of grain."

* * *

So Perseus went to Dodona, where people made bread from acorns, and visited the oracle of Zeus.

"Can you help me find Medusa?" He asked.

The Priestess listened to the leaves rustling in the oak trees. "I'm not getting any hits on the name Medusa."

"What? Is there anything you can tell me?"

"Oh that's easy. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, your lucky number is 14, and you are under the protection of the gods."

Perseus frowned. "Did they miss the part where I was born in a bronze dungeon and my father tried to kill me?"

"Maybe."

* * *

Eventually, Perseus almost gave up. No one in Greece knew where Medusa lived, he still didn't have a sword, and ancient Google was acting like a magic eight ball. That's when he saw Hermes.

Perseus pointed at the beautiful young man carrying a wand with wings, and was wearing a winged hat and winged sandals. "You must be Hermes!"

Hermes gasped in surprise and pointed right back at the coolest person ever, who was currently looking to kill Medusa. "You must be Perseus!"

They both eagerly shook hands and simultaneously said "It's an honor!"

Perseus eyed Hermes critically. "I'm trying to find Medusa. You're the god of travelers, can you guide me to her?"

Hermes waved off the question. "If you're gonna kill Medusa, you're gonna need the right tools for the job."

Perseus gasped. "You mean you're going to give me a sword!"

"No, that comes later. We need to get you to see the nymphs of the North."

"You're still the god of travelers, you can take me there right?"

Hermes grimaced. "We've switched over to Bing recently, so I'm not exactly sure how to get there."

"Doesn't anyone still use ancient Google?" Perseus cried.

Hermes thought for a moment. "I think the Grey Women still use it. Luckily their location is one of the few things that hasn't been jumbled in the switch. Unfortunately, Olympus Banking Services is offline at the moment, so we'll have to force them to tell us the way rather than simply pay them."

"How are we going to do that? Surely these three wise old women have learned how to deal with scammers?" Perseus asked.

"Oh that's easy. The three of them only have one eye between them, and they share it. When we get there we'll hide in the bushes and wait for them to make a switch. Then you'll rush out of the bushes and grab the eye. They'll do anything to get it back." Hermes explained.

"Eww. That sounds gross. Can't you do that?" Perseus asked.

"As cool as you are Perseus, I'm a god. I don't have to touch icky old-woman eyeballs."

"Oh, so about that sword?" Perseus prodded.

"Sure, here." Hermes said, handing Perseus a blade. "It's celestial bronze, great stuff, very expensive. It won't bend or break if you hit the scales of a gorgon, and is rust resistant."

Perseus took the sword with awe. "Thanks. But how will I survive to hit her with this when I can't look at her without being petrified?"

"I can help you there." Came a new voice.

Perseus turned and saw another god, the goddess Athena walk up to him. She had a very shiny shield covering her chest. In fact, it was so shiny that Perseus could see his reflection in it perfectly.

"Here." She said, handing Perseus the shield. "If you use this as a mirror, you can look at Medusa without being turned to stone."

Perseus and Hermes politely avoided their eyes.

"Why are you not looking at me?" Athena asked.

Perseus gestured vaguely towards her chest area. Athena looked down, and her eyes widened in realization.

"Oh yeah, forgot I was using that in place of a bra. Um, I'm going to go change clothes."

And so Athena left to deal with her wardrobe malfunction, and Perseus and Hermes went to harass three old hags for directions.

* * *

"NOBODY MOVES, OR THE EYE GETS IT!" Perseus shouted. He really hoped nobody moved, he really wasn't looking forward to getting even more old-woman eyeball on his hand.

Thankfully, the Grey Women froze.

"Now tell me how to get to the nymphs of the North." He demanded.

The Grey Women promptly complied, and gave step-by-step directions, along with side routes to take in case of traffic. Perseus thanked them and promptly handed back the eye.

* * *

Perseus eventually arrived where the nymphs of the North lived, the land of the Hyperboreans. Now these must have been different Hyperboreans than the ones I know of, who are thirty foot tall ice giants. In any case, the Hyperboreans saw immediately that Perseus was the coolest thing since sliced bread, and they promptly threw him a feast. There was music, there was dancing, and there were free magical party favors. They gave him free winged sandals, just like the ones Hermes wore. They gave him a wallet that would change size to fit whatever he put inside of it. They gave him a cap of invisibility, because at this point why not?

Again, people seemed to just love Perseus. I don't think the Hyperboreans even threw a party for Hermes. Anyways, after the party and the hangover had passed, Hermes pulled Perseus aside. "Hey, we switched back to Google. I can get you to Medusa."

* * *

So Hermes and Perseus flew on their winged sandals down to the island where Medusa and her two sisters lived. All three were asleep, and Perseus readied his ambush.

He had the shield, so that he wouldn't be turned to stone. He had the winged sandals, so that he could fly down to and away from the island. He had the sword so that he could actually kill Medusa. He had the ancient bag of holding, which he would put the head in. He even had the cap of invisibility so that the three gorgons would never see him coming and never see him leaving.

Perseus spotted Medusa and crept close to her. He drew back his sword, and then prepared to strike. Unfortunately, everyone had overlooked actually teaching the kid how to use a sword and he was out of beginner's luck.

Everything might have gone terribly wrong, except at that moment Athena showed back up. "Hey guys, I've fixed my clothes. What's going – WHOA KID THAT IS NOT HOW YOU SWING A SWORD!"

She flew over to Perseus and grabbed his hand.

"This is how you swing a sword." She said as she physically dragged Perseus's arm through the motion that severed Medusa's head from her neck.

Her part done, Athena left. Hermes left as well.

Medusa's sisters awoke from their midafternoon nap to find their sister beheaded. They were understandably confused and angry, but as Perseus was wearing the cap of invisibility they couldn't do anything about it. Perseus flew down and grabbed Medusa's head, put it in his wallet, and flew off to go home in triumph.

* * *

However, before that happened, Perseus made a pit stop in Africa, as one does. I know it doesn't make much sense. Maybe without Hermes at his side Perseus had no sense of direction and headed south instead of north. Either way, he ended up in Ethiopia next. As he was flying by, he saw a beautiful woman chained up on a cliff. Curious and entranced by her beauty, he flew down to her

"Hey there. Got a name beautiful?" Perseus asked.

The woman looked around herself in shock. "Andromeda. Is somebody there?"

Perseus quickly took off the cap of invisibility.

"So," He began, "What's a pretty lady like you doing on an ugly cliff like this?"

"Oh, you know, just hanging around." Andromeda replied.

Even her voice was lovely. Perseus knew right then and there that this was the one for him. "Say, has a beautiful woman like you ever thought about having a big, strong man in her life?"

Andromeda thought for a moment. "To tell the truth, I've been a little tied up lately."

Perseus nodded. "Say, what's up with the chains anyways? You're really rocking the damsel in distress look."

Andromeda began to explain her story. Her mother, Queen Cassiopeia, had thought herself so beautiful that she bragged she was prettier than the daughters of Nereus, who was a sea god. Nereus got pretty upset with Cassiopeia, and a sea serpent was set upon the Ethiopians. Every day it came in and ate some of them, and there was nothing they could do about it.

So their king and a bunch of other Ethiopians went and consulted ancient Google by visiting an oracle.

"Nereus is pretty angry with your wife." Said the Priestess to King Cepheus.

"I know, we've been having a bit of a snake problem lately." Cepheus replied. "How can I get the serpent killed or called off? Do I need to have my wife apologize? Do I need to make offerings to the gods? Do I need to sacrifice my wife to the sea serpent?"

"Close." The Priestess replied. "You need to offer up your daughter Andromeda to the serpent."

"What? Why her and not her mother?" The king cried.

The Priestess shrugged. "I don't make the results, I merely tell them."

"So if we offer up Andromeda, the serpent will stop eating us?" One of the other Ethiopians asked.

The Priestess nodded.

Cepheus turned to stare at the man in horror. "Wait, we can't do that! This is my daughter we're talking about! Andromeda had nothing to do with this."

The man turned to look at his king. "So?"

And so the people of Ethiopia had forced their king to offer up his daughter to the sea serpent instead of the idiot queen.

Perseus glanced at the chains binding her and frowned. "That doesn't sound right. Hey, if I free you would you go out with me?"

She hesitated. "Well, the problem is that the sea serpent will be coming any moment, and if I'm not here it's going to continue to eat more people."

Then the sea serpent showed up.

"It's the sea monster! You need to fly away, I might have just met you but I don't want you to die as well!" Andromeda cried.

Perseus turned and looked at the sea serpent. He watched as it approached and stood there, waiting right up to the moment when it prepared to eat Andromeda. Then he took out his sword and repeated the motion Athena had guided him through to kill Medusa, cutting the head off of the snake.

"So now that that's out of the way, how about I pick you up at 4 o'clock?"

Andromeda stared at him. "Cut me loose right now and I'll even throw in a good word for you with my father."

Perseus shuddered. Getting parental approval was always the hard part. "Sure."

* * *

"Andromeda! You're alive!" Said King Cepheus happily.

"Yes! And the sea serpent is dead too! It's all thanks to this random guy here. Say, what's your name anyways?" Said Andromeda.

"I am Perseus. By the way, can I marry your daughter?" Perseus asked.

"What? But you've just met? What if your personalities don't mesh, or it's just a brief spell of infatuation?" Cried the queen.

King Cepheus dismissed that crazy notion. "Of course! You seem like a cool and nice young man, of course you can take my daughter you just rescued away to another continent!"

And so Perseus again set out for home, this time with his new wife. Whether he carried her across the ocean on his winged sandals or took a boat, I don't know. I hope he took a boat, it would have been hard on his back to carry her that far.

* * *

"Mom? I'm home." Perseus called as he opened the door to his home.

"Are you sure this is the right place? It seems pretty empty and you are bad with directions." Asked Andromeda.

Perseus frowned. This was definitely his home, but nobody was here. What was going on?

* * *

While Perseus had been off on his adventure, Polydectes had made his move. He tried to convice Danaë to marry him, but she refused. This made Polydectes extremely angry, and so Danaë and Dictys had to go hide in a temple to avoid him.

This made Perseus furious. When he found out that Polydectes was having a banquet with all of his supporters, Perseus knew exactly what he had to do.

* * *

"HEEEERE'S PERSEUS!" Perseus cried as he threw open the door to the banquet hall. Everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at him as he marched into the room.

Then he pulled out Medusa's head, instantly killing everyone.

"Ha! Bet you're too stoned to go after my mother now, aren't you?" He said as he put the head back in his wallet. He admired his new sculptures for a moment, then left to go find his mom.

* * *

With Polydectes and his supporters dead, the position of king was vacant on the island. As the coolest human being alive, and the killer of the previous king, Perseus got to choose the next king.

"For the position of king of this island, I choose Dictys! As an old man whose wife died while I was gone, he has no kids and little possibility of fathering more. I'll just leave you all with this looming succession crisis and take my mom and my new wife back home with me to confront my grandfather. Toodles!"

So Perseus, Andromeda, and Danaë traveled back to Greece to confront Acrisius. Andromeda was a bit confused as to why her new husband and mother-in-law wanted to make up with him, but the two assured her that time had probably made Acrisius a kinder man who would welcome them back with open arms.

It hadn't. In fact, time had made him such a cruel man that his own people had kicked him out and nobody knew where he was. Somewhat disappointed, Perseus consoled himself by traveling to compete in some athletic competitions, figuring that his experience as a Medusa and sea serpent slayer would help him out in the competition.

It didn't. Perseus was so bad at athletics that when he threw the discus, he managed to throw it past the meager safety barriers and kill a man in the crowd. As everyone gathered around the fallen man in horror, someone recognized him.

"Hey! Under that fake beard it's old King Acrisius!"

The crowd murmured.

"Well," one man said, "you're the coolest guy ever, it was an accident, and nobody liked this guy anyways."

And so Perseus got away with murder in front of several hundred witnesses. You know how the gods and Furies hated people who killed family members? They gave Perseus a pass on it because he was such a cool guy.

* * *

And so the rest of them lived happily ever after. Danaë never had to worry about her father stuffing her in a newer, more elaborate form of imprisonment ever again. Perseus and Andromeda were happily married until their deaths and had several children. One of their descendants would be Heracles/Hercules/whatever-les. There was no mention of Perseus having to return all the gifts he received along the way, so I assume everyone thought he was such a swell guy they let him keep them.

The Grey Women would go on to change their names to the Gray Sisters, feeling that a younger sounding name would help their struggling taxi-service from hell. Athena received the head of Medusa, which she used as a mold for Zeus's Aegis. Hera would continue to ignore Perseus's existence, possibly because she too thought he was such a cool guy.

'But what about Pegasus?' You might ask. 'I thought Perseus rode him at some point?'

I did too. My textbook I learned this from even had an illustration of Perseus holding Medusa's head while riding Pegasus on its front cover. But it never mentions the two together, so I don't know what was going on there.

And thus ends the myth of Perseus.

Author's Note 2:

I know how Pegasus was born from Medusa's dead body, I simply had Doris forget.


	19. The Great American Road Trip Begins

"Rainbow, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked.

Rainbow looked up from her backpack, which in my opinion looked more like a gaping maw of darkness.

"You were acting really odd back there." I prodded.

She frowned. "I was acting perfectly normal."

No she wasn't. "You never talk about your past, not beyond what you told me the second day you were here. Yet within 10 minutes of these two showing up, you're finally spilling the beans on exactly what you are?"

To be honest, I was surprised that Rainbow was a protogenos. The personifications of various concepts tended to stick to themselves, and didn't get out much beyond doing their jobs. I'd honestly suspected she was the child of Nyx and Pegasus, and as such was just a random demonic immortal equine. But if she was a protogenos, then her parents were likely either both protogenoi or both Nyx (she did that weird having children by herself thing quite often).

I was brought out of my thoughts when Rainbow answered me. "They're children." She said, as if that explained everything.

"So?"

" _They're children_." She repeated, looking at me intently.

"What are you getting at?"

"Don't you feel the power in them?"

For a moment I stretched my senses and thought. I felt nothing at all from the girl. Her brother, however… "I feel a little bit of 'I might kick your ass in a few years' power from the boy, if that's what you mean."

"No! I thought… I thought from the way people talk about children that they might see it too. That you might be able to see it."

"See what?"

Rainbow's eyes wandered, as if she was looking at something off in the distance. "In a small way, they can be just as powerful as you… or even me."

"I feel like you just said something deeply profound, but I'm lacking the frame of reference needed to understand it."

Rainbow looked frustrated. "Look, these things are very complicated, and I shouldn't be surprised you can't comprehend them. Is there anything else you wanted to ask?"

"Yes actually. What _are_ you the protogenos of, and what's being a protogenos like anyways?" I asked curiously.

For a moment Rainbow simply looked at me. I could practically see the debate going on behind her brilliant eyes.

Eventually she responded. "I think the first is a bit too personal. As to the second, all I can say is that us protogenoi are concepts given form. How would you go about describing your very being to someone else?"

Oh, that one's easy. "A monster is just a miserable pile of dust."

She glared at me. Not her normal 'I think you're being an idiot' glare, but one with a hint of bitterness behind it. "Then you're lucky to know what you're made of." She turned away, and resumed packing her backpack from hell. She grabbed a toothbrush that looked more like a medieval instrument of torture and placed it next to a steel toothpick. For a moment I watched as she piled more and more items into it, some useful to bring on a trip and some seemingly chosen at random.

Eventually I brought up my last question. "About that business you have…"

She didn't even look up as she answered. "It's private."

"I get that, but is it something I need to worry about? I don't want another hellhound in the museum type of surprise."

Rainbow paused for a moment. "No. If anything, who I am meeting with would want to hire you."

* * *

One trip to use the computers at the public library later (as none of us had any cellphones or computers of our own), we had our destination. The _Princess Andromeda_ was scheduled to leave on a cruise from Pensacola in a week. After consulting train and bus schedules, I was confident we could get there in under four days, and then rest the remaining three.

We boarded the five o'clock train for Washington D.C., and our Great American Road Trip began.

* * *

When we got to the capitol, we called it a day. I certainly didn't want to sleep on a bus or train more than I had to, and unlike my adventure last year we had the luxury of time. So rather than arrive at Atlanta at eight in the morning, we made for the nearest hotel we could find.

It was big, it was grand, and I was glad I paid my bills with monopoly money.

"I'd like to get three rooms." I began.

Rainbow was having none of that though, and hopped up onto the front desk. "We'll take the best suite available."

The woman at the desk frowned. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

Rainbow's voice grew deeper. "I said, _we'll take the best suite available._ "

The woman's eyes lost focus. "I'll give you the best suite available."

Fifteen minutes later we were in a four bedroom suite that shared a living room and kitchen.

"This is so much better than breaking into motels." The girl commented.

* * *

"Tell me a story."

I looked up from the television to find Hector standing in the doorway to my room.

"Tell me a bedtime story." He repeated.

I frowned. "I'm not your mother. Go watch TV or something."

"I was going to, but Sissy said that there's nothing on this late."

I sighed and turned the television off. Whatever made the news so fascinating to Rainbow was beyond me. "She's not wrong. The answer's still no."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"Still no."

"Please please please please pleeeease?"

"Go ask Rainbow, she seems to like you well enough." I said.

Hector looked down at the ground. "I did, but all she did was stare at me."

"She does that sometimes." I said absently. "Go ask your sister."

Hector didn't look up. "She said she's trying to sleep."

"Well so am I!"

He looked up at me, eyes wide and lips quivering. "Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

"Ugh, fine."

And so I told him the story of Perseus.


	20. Rainbow Doesn't Recognize Personal Space

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?"

Of course, if you give a kid an inch they'll take a mile. Guess what I was pressured into doing the next night when we were in Atlanta?

That's right, another story. I could have told him the story of Atalanta, who Atlanta was kind of sort of named after, but I noticed Rainbow lurking in the background and switched tracks to Bellerophon and Pegasus. I told the story, sent the kid off to bed, and went to sleep.

* * *

"Doris."

I was intently studying the inside of my eyelids.

"Doris."

"Ughhh."

"Doris!"

My eyes flew open and I screamed. Normally I don't find Rainbow's face particularly scary, but normally it wasn't all of six inches away. The pegasus was currently standing over me, her legs straddling my torso. Was she trying to give me a heart attack?

"What is it?" I hissed after gathering my wits.

A frown crossed her muzzle. "I need to ask you a question."

Then the door flew open. The steel-eyed girl charged into the room, her Thomas the Tank Engine pajamas illuminated by the glow from Custer's sword. She brandished the weapon at the ready as her eyes scanned the darkened room for danger, before finally spotting the two of us.

"What's going on? Oh… _oh_ … um, I'm going to leave now." She stammered as she shuffled back out of the room and shut the door.

This was going to be a recurring thing, wasn't it?

"Doris?" Rainbow prompted.

"… Sure. Just get off of me." I sighed.

Rainbow hopped down and began pacing. She looked so small with her head at eyelevel with the edge of my bed. Her size and calm demeanor made her seem harmless most of the time, even though I knew what I could see was nothing more than a second skin.

Eventually she paused, turning to look at me. "Why did you help them?"

The kids? "They offered me money and favors. You were there, you accepted for the same reason."

Rainbow shook her head and resumed pacing. "No, I meant back in Ohio. Why did you free them?"

I thought for a moment, back to that night over a year ago. "Well, monsters kill halfbloods, and halfbloods kill monsters. It's the Greek circle of life, and it'll kill us all eventually. But going out and killing mortals, it doesn't make any sense. It's like kicking over an anthill because a bird pooped on your head. I also felt like I could relate to the human, just a little bit. Being trapped with no easy way out because of someone else's crimes reminded me of being in the police station. Then it seemed like a jerk move to free one and not the other."

I wish I could have seen Rainbow's reaction, but her head was hidden in the shadows. "And now? If another monster came for them, what would you do?"

"I guess I'd have to help them, they're no use to me dead. What's with the sudden interest?"

The pegasus trotted over to the window. Using her wings, she threw open the curtains and stared out into the night. "Monsters, more ancient and powerful than usual, have been returning at an alarming rate. It is becoming increasingly dangerous for demigods to remain away from Camp Half-Blood. If you care to see Hector survive to see his father freed, you must be prepared to fight others of your own kind."

Well it wasn't like monsters didn't fight with each other on occasion. If you thought we got along like a big old monstrous family, we didn't. Telekhines and sphinxes never got along. The centaurs would just as soon help as hunt a halfblood, depending on who offered free drinks first. And everyone stayed away from the Laistrygonians if they could help it, because those weirdos had very few scruples about what they would eat. Besides, due to his age Hector's scent was extremely weak. I highly doubted that any monsters would find him unless they were put in the same room.

But how did Rainbow know about this? She rarely left my apartment, preferring to spend most of her time watching the news religiously in three separate languages. I highly doubt mortals keep up with the latest in monster sightings.

"Since when have you been keeping up with the latest in halfblood gossip? You certainly don't get out much."

Rainbow studied me for a moment. "This body is not my only one. Were I to compress all of myself into it, you would be incinerated. Did you not notice my duplicates in your closet? They noticed you."

To be honest I had tried to forget about that headache. "Yes, but I thought it was just you being, well, you."

She snorted. "No. While this is my main vessel, I do keep eyes on Olympus, Camp Half-Blood, and the Underworld. There isn't much in the way of gossip that I miss."

I sighed. "If any monsters do show up, I'll deal with it when it happens. Have you warned his sister about this?"

Rainbow cocked her head to the side. Like all the way to the side, at a 90 degree angle. Tomorrow I'm going to have to have another talk with her about how bodies normally work.

"Why would I have told the mortal anything?"

"Maybe because she's the more mature of the two of them, and they probably need to know that being away from camp is getting more dangerous?"

Rainbow frowned. "I guess that is an acceptable reason. I'll go inform her."

As the clip-clop of Rainbow's hooves grew faint, I turned over and went back to sleep.

* * *

The next morning we were all getting ready to leave the hotel when there was a knock at the door. Huh must be a maid or something. Hector ran over and opened the door.

"Would you like to join the titans?"

Hector frowned. "But I don't like playing football."

As the door opened fully and I saw the creature he was addressing, only one thing went through my mind. That was _not_ a maid.


	21. Cross-sibling Murder

Instead of a maid, the creature before me looked more like a vampire. You know, pale skin, red eyes, fangs, the whole package. But then somebody decided that there was a special going on and threw in a donkey leg, a bronze prosthetic leg, and flaming hair. So the image was pretty well ruined.

"Don't worry!" She said with a smile. "We won't make you play football, it's a dumb sport anyways. Instead, we're going to tear down Olympus and get our mother the respect she deserves!"

The steel-eyed girl and I locked eyes for a second, before we each went for our own weapons. I briefly saw Rainbow drop her normal guise and dissolve into smoke as I ran past her. As I grabbed my spear, I could vaguely hear Hector complaining that destroying mountains was boring.

The girl and I re-entered the room just after Hector introduced himself to the monster at the door. "My name's Deme! My mom named me after a good friend of hers. I'm an empousa!" Deme the empousa responded.

The term was vaguely familiar to me. To my knowledge empousa hadn't been seen outside of the Underworld in centuries. But I was more concerned with ensuring my ticket to gaining wealth and favors wasn't eaten, so I yanked Hector back by his collar and exited the room to confront Deme. Hector's sister followed me into the hallway, Custer's sword drawn.

"Oh!" Exclaimed Deme, clasping her hands together in excitement as she looked at me. "It's so good to see that he can get along with and is already making friends with monsters! You wouldn't believe some of the problems we've been having."

Then her eyes traveled to the steel-eyed girl and she took a sniff. "Hm. We're not really looking for the ability to play nice with mortals, but I guess it doesn't hurt to put it on the resume."

"You're not taking my brother anywhere!" Declared the steel-eyed girl.

"I have to agree. Leave." I demanded.

Deme looked between the two of us. She wasn't armed with anything more than her fangs, while we were both armed with weapons of celestial bronze. After a moment she focused on the weaker of the two of us, and advanced toward the steel-eyed girl.

"This shouldn't involve you, mortal." She leered.

"Stay away from Emily!" Hector cried as he waved his hand. The steel-eyed girl shimmered, and almost faded from view. She froze for a moment, before resuming her previous posture.

Huh, so that's what her name was.

This seemed to excite Deme even more. "Great job! Most children of the Dark Lady don't start learning how to do that until they are at least ten years old." She then paused and a frown came across her face. "You are younger than ten, right?"

"I'm nine!" Hector declared angrily.

"Well I can't have you helping her kill me. Don't worry, this won't hurt. I'll apologize to you later." Deme declared as she spread her arms wide.

It didn't take a genius to realize she was preparing to do something. Emily and I both moved to stop her, but in different ways. I moved back to guard my meal ticket, while Emily advanced forwards to meet the threat.

Then Deme _changed_ , in a way that I recognized from Rainbow as dropping one skin in favor for another. Her inhuman attributes seemed to melt away in favor of more human looking ones. A minute later the very picture of a Hollywood femme fatale stood before us.

"Sleep." She commanded Hector with a smile.

"No!"

She paused. "Oh, forgot that didn't work until after puberty."

I resumed my advance towards her as Emily broke into a run. At this point Deme paused and seemed to evaluate her chances against the two of us. One unarmed empousa, versus a mortal wielding a celestial bronze sword and a spear-armed scythian dracanae. She decided that discretion was the better part of valor, and began to make a run for it.

That's when the smoke that made up Rainbow's natural form fell from the ceiling to meet yet more smoke rising from the ground, blocking Deme's path down the hallway. Now I knew that Rainbow was actually intangible in this form, but Deme certainly didn't. She skidded to a halt and turned around, just in time for a thrust from Custer's sword to enter her stomach.

"Oh…" Said Deme as she looked down at the sword. "I guess I'll see you all later." Then she collapsed into a pile of dust.

I breathed a sigh of relief. As Hector and Emily looked on in fascination, Rainbow began the process of recollecting herself and donning her usual guise. Wait, wasn't there something about Rainbow's form that I was supposed to tell her?

"Oh, before I forget. Rainbow, you and I need to discuss how anatomy works."

"Again?" She sighed.

"Yes. While I'm more familiar with human necks, neither humans nor equines can tilt their heads at right angles. When people talk about tilting their head, it's only a slight tilt, not breaking a pinball machine levels of tilt."

"Speaking of necks…" Spoke up Emily. "What's up with the markings on yours Rainbow?"

I glanced at the pegasus. How exactly do you break 'I was almost decapitated with the sword in your hand' to someone?

"I was almost decapitated with the sword in your hand." Rainbow answered. The girl dropped her sword in shock.

"Don't say it like that!" I protested.

"Then how should I say it?" Rainbow asked quizzically.

"'Oh, don't worry about it' or 'It's an old wound' or 'I'll tell you later'." I suggested.

"Should I be keeping the cause of my wound secret for some reason?"

"No, you just… need to be gentle about dropping that casually into conversation."

Emily looked at the sword on the ground like it might come to life and bite her. "Why did you give me this then? Is it cursed or something?"

Rainbow shook her head. "If there is one, it would only come into play if you attempted to betray us. It might grow more powerful over the following centuries, but that's nothing you need to concern yourself with."

Emily slowly, carefully, picked up her blade again. "By the way, did either of you know what the empousa meant when she said 'our mother?'"

"Oh that's easy." I replied. "Empousa are the kids of the creepy Greek magical cavewoman. Obviously she thinks Hector was her half-sibling. Considering your half-hearted stint into invisibility, I'm inclined to agree with her."

"Doris, please do not refer to Hecate as the magical cavewoman." Said Rainbow.

"So creepy is fine?"

She glared at me.


	22. Kidnapped!

"So… what do the titans want with Hector?"

We were on the last leg of the bus to Mobile, Alabama. Emily sat next to me while Rainbow and Hector took the row ahead of us. Hector had spent most of the ride asleep, it seemed his magic trick had cost him most of his energy. His sister had hovered over him nervously for the first few hours, but by this leg of the trip had switched to sit next to me. I had wondered why she'd given up her spot next to her sibling. Now I knew why.

"Oh the usual." I replied. "Someone dumb enough to help free them from their prisons. They'd have a lot more success at recruitment if they weren't all trapped. Don't worry, they've been failing for millennia. Atlas may have succeeded in tricking Hercules for a short period, but if he did it didn't last long."

She didn't speak up again for the rest of the trip, and I let her brood. Sometimes you just needed to think. I didn't understand exactly what it meant to have family that you cared for, but I knew enough to realize she was worried for her sibling.

I felt a little envious.

* * *

We got off in Mobile, and headed to a mall food court to get dinner before heading to the hotel. The first thing that went wrong was when a clear sighted mortal caught a glimpse of me carrying the still-tired Hector inside. I could tell she was clear sighted because her head kept turning from my snake-legs to the boy on my back.

"What're you looking at?" I hissed at her. She bolted.

Everything went fine for a while. I ate delicious honey chicken, Emily ate a large sandwich, Hector ate some pizza in between passing out, and Rainbow ate our plastic silverware for some unfathomable reason.

The peace was broken when Rainbow suddenly stood up from her seat. "We're being watched. I'll join you later."

Then she shot out of the room. I stared after her, then shrugged and went back to my food. If Rainbow couldn't take care of it, nothing I could do would help.

I probably should have been on guard, because a minute later a unicorn galloped into the room. Everyone, even the mortals, stopped what they were doing and stared at the beautiful white equine. I had never seen a unicorn in my life. I had never expected to see a unicorn in my life. I honestly thought they didn't exist. Yet there was a unicorn standing in the room.

"Whose horse got loose?" Asked a random mortal.

Then the unicorn's head zeroed in on us, and it broke into a gallop. Emily and I stood up, readying our weapons for mortal combat with an actual mythical creature. But instead of going for either of us, it changed course at the last second and snatched up the still half-asleep Hector by the back of his shirt. It then cantered out of the room.

I stared after it in shock. Did Hector just get kidnapped by a unicorn? Why was this kid so popular? Did Hector _really_ just get kidnapped by a unicorn? Man this kid's luck is worse than mine.

"Hector!"

Emily recovered first and bolted after her brother. I followed close behind, cursing at the lack of speed in my snake-legs. We burst out of the food court to find… an empty parking lot. Well it wasn't truly empty, it was full of cars and people, but there was no Hector and certainly no unicorn.

After another moment of looking around, I approached a man sitting by the door. "This is going to sound odd, but did you see a horse go by a moment ago?"

The man looked at me, frowned, and shook his head. Baffled, I turned back to Emily and shrugged.

Then a giant pterodactyl swooped down and grabbed Emily. As she screamed it carried her up and over the roof of the mall, then vanished.

I just stared after her for a moment before bolting back inside the mall, seeking shelter from extinct or imaginary creatures. As I searched for a hiding place, the screams of the mortals alerted me of the entrance of another creature.

I spun around and found myself face to stomach with a black bear on its hind legs. The beast roared, then slapped me away with its paw. I lost my grip on my spear as I skidded across one of the tables, knocking tray after tray of food onto the floor. When I came to a stop and looked back up, the bear was nowhere to be found.

But the unicorn was. It pawed the ground and lowered its head towards me. Realizing where this was going, I grabbed the only thing within reach to protect myself. As the unicorn charged, I bravely held up a food tray in defense, the pizza that was once on it falling on my lap.

The unicorn's horn erupted from the center of the tray before I was thrown backwards again, and impacted painfully with a trash can. As I wobbled to my feet I saw the unicorn comically swinging its head left and right, blinded by the tray lodged about an inch from its face. With it distracted, I ran past it and dove for my spear.

But when I turned back around, the unicorn was gone. My eyes scanned the food court, waiting for the next random creature to attack. But none came, and I was left alone in the food court with a spear and a tray with a hole in it. I left the tray and walked outside to wait.

I felt humiliated and confused. Not only had I lost my meal ticket and his sister, but it hadn't even been to a proper monster.

Half an hour later Rainbow showed up covered in sweat, blood, and dog slobber.


	23. Be the Rainbow

As she left the cafeteria and the others behind, the daughter of Nyx cast her senses outwards. Her eighth sense, the one she tentatively identified as belonging to her power as a protogenos, was giving her more than the random gibberish it usually fed her. Someone was watching them.

Someone was watching them closely enough that they already knew she was coming. She sped up, rocketing out into the sky above before slamming to a halt. She peered down intently, examining the land below for the person she knew was readying to bolt. As her eyes scanned the trees surrounding the parking lot, she saw a brief flash, a reflection of light off of metal.

 _There!_

Spawning three duplicates, she sent two of them to circle and approach the spot from behind, and sent the last one to monitor Doris and her… charges. Then she herself descended towards the spot where her prey lurked. She was there in seconds, crashing through leaves and branches to arrive in a small clearing. A man, no a demigod her sixth sense corrected, stared at her sudden appearance in shock. He recovered quickly, and shoved a metallic rectangle into his bag before slinging it onto his back.

"Who are you?" She demanded.

"That's unimportant." Deflected the man. "I'm just passing through."

She adjusted her facial muscles to mimic what she believed was a threatening glare. "I asked you a question."

The man sighed. "I go by Quintus. I apologize for prying into your business, I'll take my leave now."

Something didn't add up. "Wait." She called.

The man paused. She began to circle him, studying his form. She could [I]feel [/I]that he was a demigod, but he certainly didn't smell like one. Her sense of smell in this form might not compare to that of Doris's, but it should be more than adequate enough to smell him at this distance. Yet all she could smell was a strange scent, similar to that of oil.

As she completed her circuit around him, he shifted uncomfortably. For a brief moment, a scar or birthmark of a sort was visible on his neck. She only caught a glimpse, but with her eyesight and memory, a glimpse was enough. Decades ago, back when she was less than a year old, her mother had told her the stories of the world. Those stories had included tales about the most brilliant of all of Athena's children, one who was branded for the murder he had committed. Doris would probably call him the 'Where's Waldo of ancient Greece', but most knew him as…

"Daedalus." She whispered. The man stiffened, which was confirmation enough for her. She felt something going wrong back in the mall from her duplicate, but ignored it. This prize was far more valuable.

"Do you have any idea just how high a bounty Hades has on your head?" She began casually.

"I don't suppose it would be vain of me to hazard quite a large amount?" He responded, drawing a sword.

"One could conceivably bring another back from the Underworld in exchange for your soul."

His eyes widened. "Truly?"

She honestly wasn't sure _what_ Daedalus was worth to Hades, having only heard rumors on the subject. She threw her wings back in what she hoped approximated a shrug. "Why don't we ask Hades ourselves?"

Daedalus took up a fighting stance. "You must understand that you must force me to that meeting. I have been hunted for thousands of years, yet here I am alive today."

Her duplicates struck first. Daedalus sensed their approach somehow, whirling around to dispatch both of them with a single slash of his sword. No matter, they had accomplished their task and had covered her as she closed with her quarry. As Daedalus turned around to face her, she attacked. Her front hooves collided, one after the other, into his legs.

 _CLANG!_

Or at least that had been her intention. Instead, her hooves had impacted with what felt like titanium. Shocked, she barely managed to duck under his retaliatory swipe and had to use her wings to throw herself back from the follow-up kick.

Flying back a few yards, she regarded her prey with a new interest. Daedalus had never been noted for his durability, yet those kicks should have shattered the bones in his legs.

"I am not defenseless." Her opponent noted.

"Perhaps." She replied softly. While she had no doubt that she was physically stronger than him, none of her familiar forms were ideal for grappling. She also had to be wary of his sword, she had no desire for him to finish what the telekhine had begun.

She cursed that beast once more. She was young and malleable enough for a wound that serious to become a permanent weakness. She needed to be careful to not let on that it persisted as anything more than a scar.

She decided on using her speed and physical strength to keep him off balance. Separate him from his sword, then wear him down through repeated strikes until she could drag his sorry carcass to the Underworld.

She burst forward again, leaping into the air to strike at his face. He sidestepped to avoid her and raised his sword to intercept, threatening to impale her soft underbelly. It was a good tactical move against an opponent who could fly.

Of course, most couldn't fly as fast as she could. Likely nothing could, except perhaps Pegasus himself. A short flap of her wings brought her trajectory even higher, over his weapon. This was followed by a hard flap that brought her forward motion to a halt and forced her back down, into position. She kicked backwards.

With another loud clang, her hooves again collided with what felt like solid metal. This time however, it was his sword that was struck. But instead of the sword flying from his hand, like she had expected, it snapped.

Daedalus responded by bashing his head into her body, and then leaping back. She allowed him to, and slowly drifted back to the ground again.

"How are you doing that?" She asked him. She wasn't anywhere near an expert on the body, and strength like that could be useful if she could replicate it.

Unfortunately for her curiosity, Daedalus seemed to have finally comprehended the situation he was in. He simply watched her in silence, completely unmoving. This in and of itself was interesting. She still was a novice at imitating human postures and expressions, but had observed enough to know that people were always moving. Even when they held still, they were never _that_ still.

She idly noted that her remaining duplicate nearby had identified a hellhound heading this way. She decided against acting on this information. Whether Hades or her mother had decided to provide her a little extra muscle was immaterial.

While her opponent still had about a third of a sword more than she would have liked, she decided it was time to begin wearing him down. She rushed forward for a third time, and unlike the others immediately followed it up.

Blows rained down on the demigod, much faster than he could avoid. Whenever he struck or blocked with his sword, she simply shifted around it to strike at other places. He did get in a few blows, a punch here and a kick there, but nothing more serious than a shallow slash from the remnants of his sword.

She felt the hellhound enter the general vicinity and backed off. Daedalus was now panting, and one of his arms slightly bent. She waited for the beast to strike, hoping to take advantage of its-

 _Pain_.

Jaws bigger than her current form clamped down on her, and she cried out in shock. She was lifted up off of the ground and shaken from side to side, disorientating her. Finally, she was thrown off to the side where her body impacted with a tree trunk.

As she struggled to her hooves, she saw Daedalus getting onto the back of the traitorous hellhound before the two of them disappeared into the shadows.

 _Shadow Travel._ Heh, her mother was Night and her siblings included _hellhounds_. This wouldn't pose a problem.

She leaped into the shadows to follow them, intent on revenge. The cries of her duplicate back at the mall could wait, she couldn't let that beast get away with using her as a chew toy!

But when she emerged from the darkness (in the middle of a highway amongst the mountains), her prey were nowhere in sight. She paused for a moment, checking her location. Andorra. She cursed as she noted that she had gone an ocean too far, and dove back into the shadows.

As the scenery changed again, she caught sight of her prey looking at her in surprise from within a dark tunnel. She charged down after them, and almost succeeded in delivering a solid kick to the hellhound before they once more vanished into the shadows.

She finally noted what her duplicate at the mall had to say, and paused for a moment. Go after her prey and avenge her injuries, or go back and assist Doris. The decision only took a second.

She managed to emerge from the shadows at her correct destination in Colorado, but her prey was already leaping into the shadows again. She once again dove after them, and arrived in the middle of Times Square. She frowned, dove, and ended up in… Mexico she thought. Then Slovenia, then Portugal, then the Kremlin, and after a dozen more trips she finally found herself in another tunnel where her prey had exited.

Of course by now they had a good five minute head start. She followed after them anyways, but soon realized that it was a fool's errand. She was in a maze of sorts, and could not detect either of her prey's presence anywhere near her. In all likelihood they had traveled once more through the shadows while she was not present.

She stamped her hooves in frustration. She had been so close! But now it was highly unlikely she could even find where they pair had entered the shadows, much less their exit. After a further moment of deliberation, she eventually abandoned her pursuit and traveled back to assist Doris.

… And wound up in Tahiti. She frowned and tried again. Ecuador was closer, but still off by a good amount. Another jump landed her in Albany, New York. By this point her head was beginning to pound from so many trips through the shadows, so she simply stretched her wings and aimed in the direction she _hoped_ was Mobile, and began to fly at top speed. Between flying and navigating manually, it might take a while. Probably not, but possibly.

In retrospect, it would have been better to abandon her chase to assist her ally. She would have to remember that in the future.

Author's Note:

Woo! I finally managed to shove in Daedalus somewhere. He's such an interesting character, you'd think the mad-scientist-roboman would feature more in fanfiction, but whatever. Also, Rainbow's assumptions came back to bite her in the everything in the form of Best Dog.


	24. I Chat with a Kidnapper

"What happened to you?" I asked. Rainbow wasn't sporting injuries anywhere near as bad as the ones she'd had at my apartment (both times), but injuring something on her level was no small feat.

She paused for a moment, seeming to search for the right words. "I mistook one of my siblings for an ally. It's been dealt with. Where are the children?"

I waved my hands towards the sky. "They went that a way. I kind of gave up getting them back on my own when the pterodactyl showed up."

Rainbow glanced at the sky for a moment. "Are you capable of tracking them?"

I snorted. "Maybe if I could fly." Then I thought for a moment. "Maybe if you were your original size then I could ride-"

"No." Rainbow interrupted flatly.

I shrugged. "Have any other ideas?"

Rainbow went quiet for a moment, studying me intently. "Maybe."

* * *

I was going to die.

"Doris."

I was going to die.

I was going to die and it was all Rainbow's fault.

"Doris!"

Her fault her fault her fault her –

"Doris, we're hovering only two feet off of the ground. Get ahold of yourself."

Since riding on her back was apparently too demeaning for Rainbow, we had to do it a different way. And by different, I mean Rainbow had changed her hooves into hands and was physically carrying me beneath her. I haven't ever been afraid of heights or flying before, but I sure was now.

I took a few deep breaths and centered myself. Right, remember that there's a fat sack of cash at the end of this. Yeah, that and my own halfblood minion.

"Okay, I think I'm ready." I called after I pulled myself out of my daydreams.

The ground slowly fell away beneath us. I froze, but after a second managed to pull out of it. Rainbow dutifully carried me to the spot I'd last seen the girl and proceeded to hover in place. How she managed to do that without flapping her wings as fast as a hummingbird is something I didn't want to think about.

I sniffed the air. My suspicions were confirmed when in addition to the really faint scent I associated with Emily, I also caught a whiff of her brother's much more pungent aroma. There was also a third scent that belonged to the kidnapper, but it was odd. It wasn't anything bird or reptile related like I had expected from a pre-historic dinosaur, but instead was distinctly feminine. It also had an undercurrent that absolutely _reeked_ of death. Then again, it was so faint I might have simply smelled it wrong.

I pointed off to the northwest. "I think the trail leads in that direction."

* * *

The search wasn't easy. Half of the time the trail had fallen to the ground, and the other half it had almost completely dispersed into the wind. Five times we lost track of them for at least ten minutes, and we had also searched three buildings where I had mistakenly thought the trail had ended.

It was well into the early morning hours when the trail ended on a hotel balcony. As Rainbow dropped me in front of the door and landed next to me, I could hear arguing from within.

"I don't care what lies she told you! Repeating the same story over and over again doesn't make it true." Came the voice of an exasperated woman.

"But it's true!" Yelled Emily.

I'd heard enough. I threw open the balcony door and strode into the bedroom. Hector and Emily were both present, tied to each other on one bed. To my surprise the clear sighted mortal from dinner was there as well, facing us with her jaw dropped.

The question of where all the creatures were was answered when the woman recovered and stood up. Her skin flowed, changing her into a him. It wasn't anything like when Rainbow changed forms. When my feathered friend did it, the changes spread out from one spot to encompass her entire body. When this human did it, it was almost instantaneous. One moment she was a lithe woman I'd mistaken for a normal mortal, and the next she was a he who could bench press a truck.

Now I was tired. I'd spent all day on a bus, and spent half of the night dangling from Rainbow over Alabama. I was grumpy, angry, and did I mention tired? So when I spoke up, intending to say something threatening, what came out was:

"Did you know your scent has a strong undercurrent of death? It really helped to track you down. Oh, and we'll be taking the children back."

(S)He stood before us, fists raised. "If you want to harm these children, you'll have to go through Hercules to get them."

"You are not Hercules." Rainbow stated flatly.

"In physical strength I might as well be." (S)He said.

We paused for a moment, waiting to see who would strike first. I raised my spear, Rainbow flared her wings out, and the Hercules imposter took up a fighting stance. But before any of us could strike, Hector interrupted.

"Miss Doris is a nice snake lady!" He cried. "Please don't fight her."

"She wants to eat you." Our opponent yelled back.

"No, she kept us from being eaten."

"That's just what she wants you to think!"

I spoke up. "I seriously don't want to eat him."

Our opponent snarled at me. "And why should I believe you?"

"I swear on the river Styx that we mean these children no harm." Rainbow replied softly.

Now for the uninformed, oaths sworn on the river Styx are the most serious promises an immortal can make. I don't know what it is about the river that makes it so important or so binding, but even Zeus typically follows through on oaths made on it.

Thunder rolled in the background. Our opponent's jaw dropped, and hands fell to his(er) side.

I frowned. "It wasn't cloudy five minutes ago."

"The sky is clear." Rainbow said absently.

Our opponent's form shifted back into the mortal woman. "Um, perhaps we got off on the wrong foot?" She said nervously.

I snorted. "I'm guessing you're the one who tried to gore me at dinner?"

Her cheeks turned pink. "Yes. You must understand, I've never seen a scythian dracanae do anything to help a demigod. Ever."

"We're paying them to help us free our father." Explained Emily.

The woman's mouth went into a wise 'O', and she seemed to look at me and Rainbow in a new light.

"Who are you anyways?" I asked.

"I'm Mestra. When I was alive, my father made the mistake of cutting down one of Demeter's sacred groves. In retaliation she cursed him to be eternally hungry, no matter how much he ate. He spent his entire fortune on food, until the only thing he had left was me. Eventually his hunger grew so great that he sold me as well. Poseidon took pity on me and gave me the ability to shapeshift, which I used to escape and return to my father. He used my ability to con people, and sold me time after time. It didn't save him though, and one day I returned to find him dead."

Cool, but that was thousands of years ago. "So how does this lead to you assaulting me in the food court?"

Come to think of it, what was with me and getting attacked at mall food courts? Was that going to become a running issue, like Rainbow's problems with getting injured in my apartment?

"I'm getting there. When I died, I found that my father's curse had followed him to the Underworld, where he had been assigned to the Fields of Punishment. I made a deal to get him into the Asphodel Fields, as Hades saw the utility in having a shapeshifter work for him. I typically handle tasks that don't require the attention of Alecto and her sisters, like prescreening for new arrivals and tracking down souls that accidentally wandered out of the Underworld.

I was investigating possible sightings of a soul that's been due for an appearance in the Underworld when I ran across you all instead. Hecate is a good friend of Persephone, so I figured it wouldn't hurt to help one of her kids out."

"What I don't get," grumbled Emily, "is why you continued to help out that jerk of a father even in death."

"He was my father. Why wouldn't I help him?" Mestra responded, sounding confused.

I winced. If Demeter had cursed my father, I'd probably have cheered her on.

"He sold you like cattle!" Emily cried.

A terrible expression came across Mestra's face. "You haven't seen the horrors never-ending hunger will do to a person. Have you ever been so hungry you swallowed gravel in the hope that it would clog and fill your stomach? Have you been hungry enough to feast on your own waste? Have you experience hunger pangs so strong you bit off your own fingers for sustenance? I chose to help my father commit what I thought was the lesser of two evils, buying him a moment of relief from a torture no one should ever suffer. For that to continue for all eternity? I could not stand that. You must understand something about the Underworld: all the dead within who are not in Elysium deserve nothing other than to be pitied."

For a moment, we stood in silence. Well, except for Emily and Hector, who sat in silence.

"So are you going to stop us from untying those two and leaving?" I asked.

Mestra glanced between Rainbow and I. "Since you have sworn on the river Styx, and because they seem to trust you, I'll allow it. I'll make sure to mention this run-in to Hecate, so don't try to pull anything funny."

And so a minute later, our party of four was reunited and unbound. We were so tired that we stayed in the same hotel as Mestra, despite all of us wanting to get away from the old hag. When we got to our rooms Hector didn't even pester me for another story, and instead passed out. Emily had to carry him to bed.

I followed his example and entered the realm of dreams not five minutes later.


	25. Day at the Museum

We arrived in Pensacola the next day. Of course, as we had spent most of the night before either being kidnapped or chasing a kidnapper, we didn't really do much that day other than sleep.

I wanted to continue the trend the next day, much to Emily and Hector's protests. But to my surprise, Rainbow overruled me. So we went downstairs and picked up several pamphlets. You know, the pamphlets that every hotel has that advertise local attractions. We grabbed a few and headed out.

Our first stop was the National Naval Aviation Museum. Our bags were searched, but thanks to the Mist the mortals didn't bat an eye at my spear. Emily looked quite nervous with Custer's sword, but relaxed when one of the security guards complimented her on her 'umbrella'.

While the children ran off to look at the fighter aircraft (followed closely by Rainbow in her shadow-form), I drifted towards the flying boats. When I was a kid, I had always enjoyed watching the Catalina flying boats take off from the nearby naval base. Their ability to fly, despite looking like a plump pelican, fascinated me. For a short period I'd even wanted to be a pilot when I grew up.

That dream had crashed and burned when I told my parents about it.

But if the Catalinas were plump pelicans, then the aircraft before me was an exceedingly pregnant pelican. The plaque called it a Coronado, and I wondered what it would have looked like when it lifted off of the water.

I stood there for a while, lost in the memories of a naïve child.

* * *

Once I finished reminiscing, I went to go find the others. The kids had seemingly grown bored with the displays and had found some other children to hang out with. They looked so happy and carefree, mingling with others not even 48 hours after having been kidnapped. I briefly wondered if this was what Rainbow had meant about children being strong, and decided to ask her.

Of course, that was problematic as she was currently lurking on the aircraft hanging from the ceiling, shifting from wingtip to wingtip as she shadowed the kids. I managed to catch up with her at the Corsair II, where she was lurking inside the engine's air intake.

"It's like you're their parent, following them around like this." I commented. "You've even dropped into your spooky dream-shadow form."

Rainbow solidified in order to respond. "I am not acting like their parent."

"You are quite literally hovering around them. I think you'd make a great helicopter mom."

She glared at me.

"So I've been thinking." I began.

"Always a dangerous proposition." She said with a nod.

My jaw dropped. "Did you just make a joke?"

The expression on her muzzle was inscrutable. "Continue."

I raised an eyebrow at her, but did as she asked. "I was thinking about what you said a while back. Back when you asked if I could feel the power inside the kids. While I don't exactly feel it, I think I might understand what you meant."

She tilted her head. It was only to a 45 degree angle this time. Progress.

I continued speaking. "Their ability to recover from stressful situations is pretty remarkable."

"That was not exactly what I was referring to. If I were to try and put it into words, I would refer more towards their minds."

I thought for a moment, thinking back to those halcyon days when I watched the birds and planes take off. Back when my teachers were proclaiming that by the time I was an adult, anything would be possible for me. They pointed at the heavy inclusion of women in the ongoing war effort and the increasing role women were taking in politics, and said 'that could be you one day!'. Before I grew up and faced the real world, or alternatively, before my parents crushed those dreams, anything seemed possible.

"So maybe it's more that to a kid, pretty much anything is possible? You know, the sky's the limit and that sort of thing."

"That's much closer." Rainbow said, looking thoughtful. "I think the green space midget would have understood. He seemed to get it."

"The green space midget? Do you mean Yoda?" I asked incredulously. I'd certainly never caught her watching _Star Wars_ , but who else could she mean?

Rainbow looked uncomfortable for a moment, before shaking her head.

We sat in silence for a while, watching as Hector and Emily puttered around and generally got to act like kids for the first time this week.

Eventually, Rainbow spoke up. "On a different note, Theoria."

"What?"

"Back at the police station last year, you asked me my name. When I'm in my… natural state, you may refer to me as Theoria."

On the one hand, this suddenly felt like a deep and meaningful moment. On the other hand, we had been sharing an apartment for over twelve months. It's about damn time she told me her name. So I settled for a brief nod, and allowed the pegasus to resume mothering the kids.

Nothing else of interest happened that day. The next morning though, I did notice that Rainbow was placing the feathers she'd pulled off while preening into her bags. This was unusual because she normally ate them for some unfathomable reason. I was tempted to ask her about this, but decided not to. We spent most of that day doing touristy things as well, but after dinner we all gathered together to plan our rescue attempt.

* * *

"Our cabin was 14A. I've marked it on the maps." Emily said, handing Rainbow and I each a brochure.

' _Sail the seas like royalty of old! Board the Princess Andromeda_!' The front exclaimed. I opened it to find a map of the ship's interior, complete with text blurbs and photographs highlighting important areas of the ship, which were all named to fit the Andromeda theme. You could sing karaoke in the Cassiopeia lounge, play bingo in the Perseus arcade, eat a buffet dinner at the Cepheus cafeteria, and view all kinds of fish at the Dictys aquarium. Even the ship security was affected, if you lost track of your kids you were encouraged to go alert the Hermes travel security service. True to Emily's word, there was a neat little pink star next to a cabin in the bow.

Emily pulled out her wallet and pulled out a picture of her, her Hector, and an older man with an impressive mustache. "Here's his picture so that you know what he looks like."

I passed it to Rainbow, who frowned intently at the image.

"Did you get a dog recently?" The pegasus asked.

"Uh, yes. What does Clifford have to do with any of this?" Emily responded.

"I'm just curious. How has he been lately?"

"He's doing fine. Growing a little faster than I expected, but nothing unusual."

"I'm going to ride Clifford one day!" Interrupted Hector.

Emily sighed. "Brother, we've been over this. Just because Clifford is big for a dog doesn't mean he'll become big enough for you to sit on. We don't want you to hurt him by accident."

"I wouldn't be so sure about that." Rainbow warned ominously.


	26. Into the Depths

We arrived at the ship's pier early in the morning, just after sunrise. The _Princess Andromeda_ looked just like it had in the brochure, down to the figurehead on the front of the ship. Why anyone thought a chained and frightened woman made for a great figurehead, especially for a cruise ship, was beyond me. Mortals did the weirdest things. Thankfully, the pier and the boat's deck seemed to be deserted so we managed to get on the boarding ramp with a minimum of sneaking around and broken locks.

Our problems began when Rainbow absolutely refused to set foot aboard the cruise ship without assistance.

"You need to carry me." She said to Hector.

"What? But why?" He asked, eyes wide.

"If I were to trot, fly, or otherwise move myself across the threshold onto the _Princess Andromeda_ , I will set off alarms. But halfbloods get to circumvent most rules, and the spells are not geared towards detecting them. You carrying me across is essentially a loophole."

"I'm not letting him set foot back on board that ship." Emily protested. "We've come this far, but this is where I put my foot down. I can't go back aboard the ship, and I'm not letting Hector go anywhere without me. Especially after these last few days."

Aww, she was so adorable when she tried to act like she was in charge. Luckily for her, I had absolutely no interest in babysitting a halfblood longer than was necessary. Our plan called for us to leave both of the kids here at the boarding ramp to await our return.

Rainbow shook her head. "He doesn't have to come with us, merely get me across the threshold."

Emily seemed to agonize over this, and I took charge. "Come on Hector, I'll help. You can go back to your sister once we're done."

Hector and I moved to pick up Rainbow, and I almost immediately threw out my back attempting to lift her.

"How much do you weigh?" I asked incredulously.

"You're really heavy." Hector agreed bluntly.

"Are you calling me fat?" Rainbow asked ominously.

I hesitated. "No, just dense. What are you even made of?"

"Primarily Gallium."

After a lot of straining, much grunting, and three breaks for rest, Rainbow was deposited on the decks of the cruise ship. And by deposited, I mean unceremoniously dropped on the deck. Hector scurried back to his relieved sister, and Rainbow and I found our way into the ship.

* * *

The first soul we came across was a member of the ship's crew. I almost immediately understood what Hector meant by them acting like broken robots.

"We're having a great time on the _Princess Andromeda._ The trivia game starts in six hours. We're having a great time…" The woman said in a daze. Her name tag identified her as Ana, of Slovenia.

I snapped my fingers in front of her face but got no response.

"It would be best for us to move on." Rainbow commented softly.

As we left the poor woman behind, something turned within me. How long has that woman been going through that routine? How long has it been since she was fully in control of herself? I was perfectly fine with using the Mist to mess with the perception of mortals, but this? What even was the point of it?

* * *

We came across a monster next. She was a telekhine, which brought up rather uncomfortable memories of Dogbreath. I turned to the side to see how Rainbow was taking the reminder and found myself alone.

"Man, that was one crazy day yesterday." The telekhine said as she joined me in my walk down the hall.

"Uh, yeah, totally." I hazarded. I really wasn't in the mood for shooting the breeze, but I also didn't want to arouse suspicions.

"I'm kind of glad Agrius and Oreius are gone. Oreius kept hitting on me in really awkward ways, and Agrius would make it worse by telling his brother to punish himself."

I nodded, pretending I knew what she was talking about.

"What did you think of the centaurs?"

"Uh, they have lots of legs." I said. I cursed myself for such a lame and vague statement, but the telekhine didn't seem to notice.

"Yeah, their lower body is amazing. Almost as great as the upper body…"

This was very uncomfortable.

"And the way they just rode to the rescue of those halfbloods, it was such a knight in shining armor moment. Well, you know, if the knight was half drunk and his armor was a party hat."

"Halfbloods?" I asked before I could stop myself.

The telekhine looked at me strangely. "Yeah, you know, Luke's totally not-girlfriend and the son of the sea god. Did you sleep through the fight yesterday in Miami or something?"

There had been a son of _Poseidon_ on board? "Yeah. Sorry, I was up all the night before."

The telekhine whistled. "You missed out. Want to hear about it over breakfast?"

Shaking my head, I slithered faster. "No, I'm headed elsewhere. Don't let me keep you."

The telekhine seemed saddened, but went in a different direction at the next intersection. A moment later Rainbow descended from… somewhere, and rejoined me.

* * *

As we neared the cabin indicated on our brochures, I wondered about both my recent conversation and Rainbow's inexplicable knowledge of what magical protections this ship had. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe these kinds of spells were actually pretty common, and maybe a fight between monsters, centaurs, and halfbloods the day before was just a random event. Maybe there was a perfectly innocent explanation for this.

But my gut told me otherwise. It all but screamed that she was hiding something from me, and I didn't like it one bit. Not only because my gut rarely screamed anything other than 'FOOD!', but also because I thought she trusted me. If not a lot, then at least enough to explain what we were getting into fully.

I needed to find out. "So you're familiar with this ship? You seem to know what magic is protecting it."

She bobbed her head up and down, not looking back at me.

"So what is the story behind this ship? Why is someone going to all the trouble of mind whammying these mortals?"

She froze for a second, before resuming her trot. "The _Princess Andromeda_ is controlled primarily by monsters. It also has a very small complement of halfbloods who are working with them. They are led by Luke Castellan."

That name rang a bell. I wanted to say he was part of that whole Thalia incident that had happened years ago, but I wasn't sure. In any case though, this was very quickly becoming more than just a random sorcerer if you had halfbloods and monsters working together.

Sure, _I_ might be working with a halfblood; that happened sometimes. Monsters and halfbloods entering into short-term alliances were nothing new, and usually ended badly. But for this to have been going on for at least several weeks, and to involve numerous monsters and several halfbloods? And for them to fight other halfbloods?

"Rainbow, what's going on here? You aren't telling me something."

"Cabin 14A." She said in response, pointing at a door just up ahead.

I glared at her, but then focused on our objective. I found the door unlocked and opened it to reveal a homely little cabin. There were three suitcases, two green and one pink. Clothing and possessions were strewn about, and a unicorn stuffed animal sat on one of the beds.

There was just one thing missing. Unfortunately, that thing was the sibling's dad.

"Well this is a problem."

* * *

 **Meanwhile, at the Hermes travel security office aboard the** ** _Princess Andromeda_** **…**

"We're having a great time aboard the _Princess Andromeda._ Have you found my children yet? They seem to be missing." Asked a man in a daze.

The security officer looked back at him blankly. "We're having a great time searching for your kids aboard the _Princess Andromeda_. No, not yet."


	27. It is Always Darkest

"So… now what?" I asked Rainbow, totally lost as to what to do.

She stared ahead for a moment, presumably deep in thought. "I suppose you could try tracking him by scent. Of course, we could also go to the ship's bridge, where the spell keeping the mortals docile is projected from. We could interfere with the spell over the entire ship."

"How do you know that the spell is located at the bridge?" I prodded.

"I can feel it from here."

I didn't believe her. I wanted to believe her, but I didn't. "Let's try this Doris's way first. If my sniff-dar can't find him, then we'll resort to your spell-dar."

I took a deep sniff in. I immediately recognized both Emily and Hector's scents, though both were extremely faint. There were a few other faint scents, which I tentatively tagged as belonging to previous occupants or the cleaning crew. Then there was the strong scent of an adult male, tinged with the dullness I associated with mortals. Got him.

That was the easy part. The hard part was isolating which trail was the most recent and following it.

* * *

I didn't get the right trail the first time, and wound up in the buffet. Nor did I get it right the second time, where I nearly tripped into the pool. I was hoping that the third time would be the charm as I neared the security office. I turned a corner down an open-air promenade and walked headfirst into another scythian dracanae.

As I sat dazed on the floor, I saw Rainbow lurking on the ceiling in her Theoria form, like she had the past few times we'd come across monsters. I got up, and looked at the one who had knocked me over.

Huh, she looked a lot like my mother.

"Doris, is that you?"

No. Oh no. Oh no no _no_ , it was her. Wait, do I really slur my S's like that?

"It is you! Come here and give your mother a hug!"

I stiffened as she slithered up and threw her arms around me.

"It's been far too long since I last saw you. Have you gotten over that ridiculous tantrum you threw last time? Oh, I'm sure you have, that must be why you're here. It's too bad your father isn't around to see you, that old lump is still reforming in tartarus. But no matter, we can still be a family without him."

She motored on and on and on, not giving me a chance to interrupt. When she stopped, it was only because she was sniffing me intently.

"Wait, is that the scent of a halfblood? And not any of the ones on this boat, this one is different."

A horrible feeling came over me.

"Don't try to hide it, momma's nose knows! Oh, and it's fresh too! Just where did you run across this scrumptious halfblood? We can make it a family meal."

I should have just lied and told her it was a new recruit, hoping that whatever this madhouse was doing included hiring more halfbloods. I could have also just told her I'd gotten into a fight earlier. But in that moment, my mind went back to when I had brought home an injured cat, and what my parents had forced me to do all those years ago.

I would not kill and eat Hector. I would never let either of my parents force me to do anything ever again.

"We are not eating Hector." I stated firmly.

My mother's smiling face stretched downwards into a terrifying sneer.

"Oh, still just as soft as ever? Well young lady, it looks like I'll have to step in for you father and _toughen you up._ "

At those words I froze. My grip on my spear became ironclad. My teeth clenched. My eyes were probably twitching, but I couldn't see them to check.

"Now take me to where you found that halfblood and I'll take you through the motions to end that little cretin's life, and then we can-"

"No." I interrupted.

For the first time in my life, my mother stopped talking and listened to me.

"No?" She asked.

"No." I confirmed. "We will not be doing that. We will not be doing anything, as there is no we. There is just you and I, who are about to go our separate ways."

Her face turned an interesting shade of red. "You dare to talk back to me? You dare to try and cast me out of your life? Why I ought to discipline you!"

"Discipline me?" I screeched. "I'm a grown woman, and you're an old hag! There is nothing about discipline you can teach me."

 _SLAP!_

I raised my hand up and felt my stinging cheek. Had she really just struck me?

"There's more where that came from."

I lowered my spear at her. My hands were shaking.

She twisted the spear out of my grip and then cracked it in half over her knee. Then she casually threw both halves out the open windows. I watched the celestial bronze tip splash into the sea below. I honestly hadn't expected my mother to throw away my most valuable possession ever again.

"You forgot who taught you everything you know about combat, didn't you? I think you need a little time-out."

My eyes widened, and I attempted to dodge backwards. But my mother was faster, she had always been faster. Her hands clamped around my throat and she began to choke me.

"When you get to tartarus, tell your father what you've done."

I struggled, but her grip was like iron. I saw Rainbow solidify into her usual form and approach my mother from behind, tilting her head at me questioningly.

I nodded, and managed to speak with a wheeze. "Rainbow… Please…"

She kicked, and dust fell all over me.

* * *

"Boss!" Cried a halfblood. "We just got an Iris message from the Dark Lady!"

Luke pinched his nose. He really needed to up his recruiting efforts and gain a more competent assistant. He couldn't get his current one to stop calling him that, and it was hard to run a rebellion against the gods and be taken seriously when people called him boss. It made it sound like he was running a restaurant or something.

"What does she want?" He asked.

The halfblood shook his head. "She just wanted to pass on some information. Apparently one of her kids was heading this way. He's not one of the ones we've marked for potential recruitment, but she said you'd be personally interested in who he's traveling with."

Luke waited for the halfblood to continue, and silence reigned for a moment. Sighing, Luke prompted his absent-minded assistant. "And who is he traveling with?"

Author's Note:

That was not at all how I intended this chapter to go. I wanted a confrontation between Doris and her mother, sort of a scene where she formally broke ties with being a monster doing monster things. But then I put the two characters in a room together and one almost immediately tried to kill the other. I'm… not really sure how it happened, and I might go back and change it. It just sort of spilled out onto the page. I did not intend it to get this dark, I promise. You can tell that from the ending scene being much happier, I wrote it first.


	28. Before the Light

I sat on the ground, panting for air. Little bits of the sand that were once my mother were inhaled, which was doubly gross.

"Thanks." I whispered to my friend.

She nodded, and sat quietly next to me. I felt a wing resting against my back as I shivered in a pile of sadness.

My mother had always known how to ruin my day.

We sat that way for a few minutes. Once I'd finally managed to collect myself into something resembling a functional person, I got to my feet.

"I think I've had enough of Doris's way for now. How do we reach the bridge?"

We studied the brochure map for a moment, and then set off.

* * *

Not five minutes later, Rainbow stiffened. "My presence has been discovered. We must move quickly."

Her hooves changed into hands.

"Rainbow no." I said, backing away.

"Yes." She replied as she grabbed me and took off.

If my prior experience flying through Mobile had been trying, then this was excruciating. We rocketed through the halls at a speed no pegasus or monster was ever meant to fly, always a hairs breadth from slamming into a wall or other solid object. I screamed my head off and buried my face in my hands.

But thankfully my flight from Greek hell ended soon, and I found myself released to the sweet mercies of the ground. I lovingly embraced the carpet, and whispered that I would never leave it again.

"I cannot open the door myself. Something is preventing me." Rainbow said.

Oh. I stopped moping and stood up, finding myself halfway across the ship and several stories higher than where I'd begun my flight. We were just outside the ship's bridge, if the label next to the door was anything to go by.

Trying the door handle myself, I found it unlocked. Frowning at my friend, I pushed it open. Rainbow swiftly entered the room and I followed.

While most of the ship had looked normal, this room was anything but that. Strange carvings in a script I was unfamiliar with lined every inch of the floor, walls, and ceiling, even some of the electronics. Computer screens covered with flickering symbols sat right next to radar screens with their familiar green lines. A large window at one side of the room gave a spectacular view of Pensacola.

In a chair at the center of the room sat a man in a captain's outfit. He was muttering very fast to himself. I drew closer and listened in.

"We're having a great time on the Princess Andromeda. We're having a great…"

I backed away.

"This writing is ancient." Rainbow commented.

"Older than you?" I teased.

To my surprise, Rainbow nodded. "Yes, older than me by far. But it's not older than my mother, who taught me most of what I know. I think I can decipher it, given enough time."

Unfortunately, time was one thing we didn't have in large amounts. Deciding to make myself useful, I began to move furniture and other items to block the door.

As the minutes ticked by, I began to sweat. Rainbow periodically moved around the room, laser focused on different carvings. The captain continued to mutter and stare ahead blankly. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Rainbow nodded to herself and looked up to me.

"The ship's mortal passengers and crew are bound in a trance-like state while aboard. They are further required to obey orders from those in command. I assume Castellan is the one in charge."

A look came over her face, and for the first time ever I saw Rainbow look worried. "Doris, I don't know any of the magic that's necessary to undo this."

No! We'd come so far, we couldn't fail now.

"Doris, you need to leave."

"Wait a moment, I want to try something." I said.

I walked to where the captain sat muttering to himself. "Hey, stand up." I ordered him.

Nothing happened.

"Doris, time's running out!" Rainbow said, starting to sound panicked.

"Just let me try this one thing." I responded, then turned back to the captain. I was betting that this Castellan kid had better things to do than direct a bunch of enthralled mortals all day…

I spoke. "Luke Castellan sent me to tell you something."

The captain's eyes instantly fixed themselves on me. I gave a fist pump in victory as I enacted my plan.

* * *

Throughout the Princess Andromeda, the intercom system sprung to life.

"Now repeat after me." The captain's voice echoed throughout the ship.

"No, not that, ugh, let's start over. Passengers and crew of the Princess Andromeda, this is your captain speaking. Now I know we've all been having a great time on the Princess Andromeda, but unfortunately a situation has come up. On the direct request of Luke Castellan, I need all passengers and crew to disembark immediately. All monsters and halfbloods are required to gather on the poop deck for an emergency meeting. Thank you, and have a pleasant day."

One halfblood turned to Luke. "Where's the poop deck? I don't want to be late to the meeting."

Luke growled in frustration. "There is no meeting on the poop deck you fool! The intruder is on the bridge."

* * *

"The poop deck?" Rainbow asked.

I shrugged. "I just know it's part of a ship, and I figured it'd be best to give them something to do to distract them."

I turned back to the captain. After I'd ended the ship-wide message he'd tried to exit the bridge, only to sit down again once he realized all exits from the room were blocked. "How do we get him off?"

"We don't. We're out of time." Rainbow's voice said from behind me.

I turned around to see a duplicate of Rainbow shatter the window with a mighty kick before leaping out through the hole. Before I could do anything else, a pair of strong hooves grabbed me from behind and defenestrated me.

I cursed as I spun through the air for a second, before a sharp pain signaled that I'd been caught out of the air by Rainbow's double.

* * *

Back on the bridge, Theoria watched as Doris was taken to safety. Satisfied that the small sliver of herself would accomplish the task, she set about preparing for her meeting.

Doris's blockade at the door was a nice thought, but ultimately unnecessary. After she finished moving the last piece of furniture back into place, she positioned the captain in the far corner. After one last look around, she nodded in satisfaction and turned herself to face the door.

Her form wavered and her more natural shadowy form replaced the more recent… outfit of Rainbow. While Doris would recognize both forms, Castellan had only seen the first.

Not five seconds later the door flew open. Theoria mentally congratulated herself on her timing as Castellan entered the room, flanked by two other demigods and with a retinue of monsters behind him.

"You." He whispered. While Doris would have said something pithy like "Me!", Theoria merely nodded, then shifted back into Rainbow.

Whatever Castellan was about to say next never left his mouth. Instead, he visibly restrained himself, and a smirk came across his face. "I should be thanking you. You ruined my one chance, driving me onto my current path. You made me what I am today."

She shuddered.

"It was never my intention to cause you to fail. I was blown off course." She replied.

"Uh, what's going on?" Asked one of the other halfbloods.

Theoria ignored them as unimportant, but Castellan didn't. "Why this is one of Night's spawn, a young protogenos. Her mother, in her _infinite_ wisdom, had her join the Oneiroi, who among other things deliver demigod dreams. As the new, shining star of Night, she got some of the most important jobs. It all ended when she was charged with delivering a demigod dream to a halfblood on a quest to steal a golden apple from the garden of the Hesperides."

The other halfblood still looked confused. "But I thought you went on that quest? Didn't you fail?"

Castellan's smirk turned brittle for a moment. "Why yes. The pegasus over there got 'blown off course' through the gate of lies, and my quest ended in failure."

Then he turned to face her again, and his smirk widened. "Why are you really here? It's not for the mortals, we both know that your kind doesn't care enough to go this far to help them."

While Theoria bristled at the accusation, it was completely true. If it hadn't been for Emily and Hector, Doris would have never come in the first place. If Theoria hadn't planned this meeting, she wouldn't have joined Doris in coming. While it was… preferable that the mortals escaped, they weren't her highest priority.

"I… I…" She began, before biting the bullet. She had come this far, she could say two little words. "I'm sorry."

Castellan paused. "You're… sorry?"

"Yes." She nodded.

Castellan's smirk turned into a leer. "Do you honestly think that'll change anything? That one simple apology can offset all the crimes you and the others commit?"

Theoria took a step back as Castellan gained steam. "I'm sorry doesn't' remove this scar from my face. I'm sorry doesn't excuse the mess the gods leave us in. I'm sorry doesn't excuse the overcrowding of Cabin 11. Why do you even bother to say it?" He asked.

"Because at this point, it's all I can say or do." She answered honestly.

Castellan's visage darkened. "I'm sorry isn't good enough. I'm sorry is all your kind ever has in response to their actions hurting us, if even that."

Something deep, something _old_ swept into the room.

"You say I'm sorry? Well I say you will be! I curse you to know failure like I did! To be sure in your success, but be brought down by your own overconfidence."

This demigod, no matter how powerful, couldn't possibly curse her. It wasn't possible, humans and halfbloods was incapable of doing that to something like her without help.

But it seemed as if her presence here was only making things worse. As she fled from the room to rejoin Doris and the children, Theoria tried to convince herself that coming here hadn't been a mistake all along.

* * *

Luke Castellan turned back from the new hole in the window. His entourage was staring at him with fear and awe. "What are you looking at?" He snarled.

"You." The ship's captain responded from the corner.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" Luke roared. His followers quickly scattered, and the captain trooped out after them.

He would be the last mortal to leave the _Princess Andromeda._

Author's Note:

Doris finally got defenestrated. I've been pushing that back since... I think it was originally set to occur in chapter two.

Also, we finally got to the big plot! The reason why Hermes didn't played nice with Rainbow in the first chapter is explained! Exposition! Back story! Minor bits of canon! Woo!

For anyone who is confused, in canon Hermes tried to repair his relationship with Luke by sending him on a quest to steal one of the golden apples. It... didn't go so well when Luke ran into the dragon guarding them, and all quests from Camp Half-Blood were put on hold in the aftermath.

In this story, Rainbow getting blown off-course and going through the gate of lies while carrying a demigod dream to Luke (a dream carefully crafted by Morpheus himself) is typically blamed for his failure to get past the dragon. It also shot down her having any further career in the dream business, and made her a laughing stock.


	29. Epilogue for the Princess Andromeda

Author's Note: This is the second chapter I've posted today, so make sure you don't accidentally skip the previous one.

* * *

Surprisingly enough, apart from a short wait on the pier for Rainbow to rejoin us, the evacuation of the[i] Princess Andromeda[/i] went off without a hitch. Hector and Emily managed to point out their father from the crowd, and there was a tearful and sappy reunion.

There was just one problem.

"What do you mean you aren't rich?"

The sibling's father stroked his amazing mustache. "Well, exactly that. I am essentially a handyman, the money is good but not that good. I will reward you, it'll just have to wait for me to convert some assets into cash."

"Rainbow! She lied to us! They aren't rich!" I said, spinning around to face my friend.

Rainbow's wing paused in the middle of patting Hector's head, and she turned to face his sister. "Do you intend to cheat us of our payment?"

Emily scowled. "Of course not! It'll just take a little bit longer for you to get your payment. I only lied because it was the only way to get you to help us."

Rainbow resumed patting Hector's head.

Ugh. "Doesn't anyone care that she lied to us?"

"Oh, I certainly care." Emily's father spoke up. "We're going to have a long chat about honesty."

Emily groaned. "But it was for a good cause! I swear!"

"Don't take that tone with me young lady! You can't just excuse your actions because you have a noble goal in mind."

* * *

Apparently I'd run into Emily and Hector last year while they were visiting extended family, as they lived on the outskirts of New York City. Emily and her father had returned there, after depositing Hector back at Camp Half-Blood with the promise to never leave camp again without permission.

Rainbow and I arrived back at my apartment four days after leaving Pensacola, notably without the riches I was promised. Sure, Mr. Kimbrell had promised to bring by a monthly installment, but it just wasn't the same as walking in the door with a sack of cash over my back. Hector did owe me a favor as well, but that was something to cash in on in the future once he actually knew what he was doing with his powers.

I had gained a halfblood minion, had a run-in with my mother, was going to receive thousands of dollars in cash (eventually), and had lost my weapon as well as a favor with Rainbow (due to her saving my life). On the whole, the adventure was… not as productive as I'd intended. But that's just how life works. Sometimes you get an immortal roommate who makes your apartment one of the safest spots in the city, sometimes your family tries to kill you.

But there was one thing I still needed to know.

* * *

"Rainbow, that business you had in Florida was definitely aboard the _Princess Andromeda_ , wasn't it?"

Rainbow didn't turn her head from the television. "What led you to believe that?"

"Other than chasing our stalker, you never went anywhere without us the entire time, except for a short period on board that ship. You know, after you defenestrated me."

I was still mad about that. She should have at least warned me beforehand.

The television clicked off, and her muzzle turned to face me, expression blank. "What else have you determined?"

"You were totally talking with someone aboard that boat, probably a halfblood. My bet is on it being that Castellan kid, he's the only one you mentioned by name."

She nodded. "You are correct. He and I had had interactions in the past, and I had wished to clear up a misunderstanding between us."

I wasn't letting her get away with that. "You're doing that thing where you understate what happened, aren't you? What'd he do?"

"He… may have attempted to put a curse on me. He's just a demigod though, he doesn't have the power to place a curse on something like me without significant help."

"Don't underestimate halfbloods." I warned. "That's like the first mistake of every ancient Greek villain."

Then there was silence. I debated reaching for the remote and attempting to watch cartoons when Rainbow resumed speaking.

"While the debt between us was partially settled, I would like to settle accounts fully."

I sighed. "If it bothers you so much you can just get me a new spear and we'll call it even."

"… Are you not worried that I will depart if there is no debt between us?"

"I didn't mean to hold you hostage or something! I just wanted to make sure that when the going got tough, you wouldn't bail. And when the going got tough on the _Princess Andromeda_ , you didn't bail on me. Friends don't have to live in the same home, most don't. As long as you stay in touch it doesn't matter where you go. We'll still be friends."

We sat in silence again.

"Doris? There's some things I'd like to tell you."

And so she told me of the ongoing titan rebellion. Of her small role in a halfblood's quest several years ago, one that failed miserably. Of her chat with Hermes that had ended with her crashing into my apartment. But…

"There's still something else you're not telling me."

She nodded. "It's personal. Just as you do not wish to discuss your parents, I do not want to talk about this."

I shivered, and backed off. Some things you just didn't want to talk about, or if you did you wanted to talk about them on your own time. I had already figuratively faced those demons years ago, and just last week in a literal sense.

* * *

"George! I'm so glad you're back, your dog's all but eaten me out of house and home!"

George Kimbrell sighed. His life had enough upsets in it recently, he really didn't need any issues to have cropped up with the family pet while he was gone. "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, but I swear it looks like your pup has grown almost a foot while you were gone. Hey Clifford! Guess who's here?"

A deep _woof!_ thundered through the building. It was soon followed by the scrambling of paws and claws, and a dog almost the size of a small pony burst forth and tackled George to the ground. It then proceeded to attack his face with its tongue.

"Alright, alright, I'm happy to see you too. My you've grown, Anton wasn't kidding."

Author's Note:

Arc 2 done! So, what'd you think?

There's a big hole in my outline for the next arc. I think, I'll have to double check. Point is, unless I switch arcs 3 and 4 there's going to be a bit of a delay while I figure out what's actually going to happen next. In the meantime I'll probably pump out some more sidestories and Doris's bedtime stories, both to keep my hands busy and because I already have a bunch of ideas for those.


	30. Rainbow the Blacksmith

Convincing a cyclops to let her use his tools and workshop was actually quite easy. He just made her promise not to damage any of it. Theoria felt grateful, and decided she might even leave him a feather in thanks.

The celestial bronze, on the other hand, was a pain in the rear to get her hooves on. Her first thought had been to go beg a weapon off of her sisters, the Keres. But then she thought that Doris might not want a weapon that had been acquired through someone's violent death, and the Keres were always… unpleasant to be around in any case. They were far too obsessed with death for it to be healthy.

So instead she'd gone to her half-sister, Philotes. Among other things, Philotes was the personification of friendship. Theoria figured that she might be willing to help source materials for a gift for a friend, or would at least not laugh in her face for asking.

Philotes was… eager to help. Too eager, to the point of making it uncomfortable to be around her. Especially with the innuendoes. So many innuendoes. Eventually Theoria had gotten fed up with them and quickly, but politely, excused herself from her sister's presence.

Now she was all set up to make Doris a spear. She got a flame roaring in the furnace, gathered all the scraps of celestial bronze that would be melted into the spear, and waited patiently for the fire to heat up. Then she frowned.

Now what?

* * *

She critically examined the formless hunk of metal that would become the spear tip, which currently glowed softly with from the heat within. At this temperature it was malleable enough to work with. Well, she hoped it was malleable enough, she hadn't done this before.

She raised a hoof into the air, and then brought it down forcefully onto the metal.

 _Clang!_

But instead of flattening part of it like she'd expected, the metal piece shot off like a cannonball. It collided with the far wall with a dull thunk, and then clattered to the ground. Theoria looked back to her hoof, and frowned. She probably should have secured the metal before she struck it.

* * *

She once again examined the glowing piece of metal. Unlike before, it was carefully cradled by her hind legs into position for the main strike. Once again she raised her hoof high into the air, and then brought it down hard.

 _Clang!_

She raised the now wafer-thin piece of metal up to her eyes. It was completely unsuitable for anything, other than perhaps a pancake substitute. She almost nibbled on it to check the taste, but stopped herself. This was a gift, not a snack.

Now had the metal been too hot and soft or her strike too hard?

* * *

Finally having wrangled the metal into something resembling a spear tip, she put the glowing-hot piece down so that she could work on the shaft. She would come back and put some finishing touches on it later, all it would need was a little heat.

* * *

Making the shaft was not any easier. She had to keep it straight, keep it round, and keep it in one piece. What she finally ended up with was noticeably bent, but that could be stomped out later. It was time to join the tip to the shaft.

But there was a problem. Namely that since she had put the tip down, gravity had bent it out of shape and it now resembled… well a limp noodle was a delicate way of putting it.

Was she supposed to have dunked it in water, or was that just for swords? Did she heat it up too much? Did she stop working the metal too soon? Were the scraps she was working with of poor quality? Was that Philotes giggling in the background?

* * *

The cyclops was oddly amiable to the idea of assisting her. It seemed like he had been expecting this all along.

"You at least seem to have had a vague idea of what you were doing. This is a personal piece, or a gift, am I right?"

She nodded.

"Yeah, everyone always wants a personal touch on things like that. Tell you what, I saw what you could do with those bare hooves, I'll let you hammer the tip once or twice. Of course I'll still touch it up afterwards, but this way you can legitimately say you had a hand, er, hoof in its construction."

* * *

"Alright, now hit it with all your might."

She raised an eyebrow one inch. "Are you sure that is wise?"

The cyclops waved off her concern. "This is celestial bronze, it can take it. Besides, I'll be holding it still."

She reluctantly complied, and brought a hoof down at full force.

 _Boom!_

The metal object exploded, showering the room in shrapnel. Thankfully the two of them escaped with nothing worse than minor injuries, but it had been a narrow thing. She lightly rubbed a new scratch along her neck and shivered.

"Alright, we'll tone it down on the next try." Said the cyclops.

* * *

Theoria smiled as she laid the gift in front of Doris.

"This is great! I was kind of getting worried without a weapon once I realized that I gave Custer's sword to Emily to keep, not as a loaner. Poor wording on my part, I kind of liked having that thing around."

There was a funny feeling inside her chest. She decided she liked it.

"There's just one thing."

Her face fell. What was wrong with it? She was sure that with the assistance of the cyclops that the weapon had turned out perfectly.

"You do know that there is a piece of celestial bronze melted into your mane, right?"

Damn it!


	31. Interlude

The thing Hector liked most about camp was that there were other halfbloods there.

"There's no way a scythian dracanae helped you rescue your dad!"

The thing Hector disliked most about camp was that there were other halfbloods there.

"Yeah, the last one I ran into went on about how she was going to turn me into a soup. She said I'd be a mean French Onion."

Sure, he finally got to practice sword-fighting, something his sister had absolutely refused to do with him. Sure there were other kids who could relate with some of his frustrations, especially towards reading. He also finally had an audience larger than three for his magic tricks.

"I won't believe it until I see proof."

But then there were the downsides. It turns out that turning someone only half-invisible wasn't all that great. The Ares kids could still easily see he was there and gave him the swirly they'd promised him when he'd first arrived. Plus, there was an Athena kid who had a hat that could do it better and with a lot less effort.

"Yeah, we want proof!"

That and they didn't believe him when he told his story of how he'd helped rescue his dad from that dumb cruise ship. Oh, they definitely believed he'd run away and had an adventure that had resulted in his dad being freed from the ship, they just thought he was embellishing it. They didn't believe that his mortal sister had killed an empousa, they didn't believe that he got kidnapped by a unicorn, and they didn't believe that a pegasus could be the size he'd described Rainbow as being.

"Proof! Proof! Proof! Proof!"

They _really_ didn't believe that Doris would help him out. Some told him it was dangerous to think that he could trust a monster, and warned him that it could easily lead to him getting hurt. Others just smiled and nodded when he mentioned her, in the same way adults did when they totally didn't believe a word out of his mouth. He hated that.

"Well, there's always Iris-messaging. Anybody willing to waste a drachma on this kid's story?"

They also hadn't believed him when he describe what Rainbow was. They laughed off his claim that she was really a daughter of Night who lived with a monster in Manhattan. They also didn't believe she could talk. Well, the kid from the Poseidon cabin that everyone thought was hot stuff seemed to believe Rainbow could talk, but seemed skeptical that Hector could understand her.

"No, but I'm willing to bet he's lying. Will anyone take that bet?"

Things had eventually devolved into a full-blown argument outside the Hermes cabin. A dozen or so campers had just listened to him finish telling his story again, and were adamant that Doris did not exist.

"How about this?" Asked an Ares kid. "I'll put up the drachma, and if the kid's lying he has to do my shift at kitchen patrol. Doesn't the Hermes cabin have a free period during that time slot?

There were a few murmurs of assent, and the group tracked over to the nearest garden hose. Connor Stoll turned it on, while his brother Travis held up the nozzle and produced a rainbow.

The Ares kid threw a drachma through the rainbow and stated an incantation that ended with, "Show me Doris!"

The image shimmered, before displaying a woman brushing her hair in a bathtub. Everything looked a little strange and blue, sort of like they were looking through a color filter. The woman looked up, saw them, and screamed. She then dove down into the bathtub, hiding from sight.

"That's a nymph, not a scythian dracanae. The kid was lying."

Money began to be passed around, but Hector shoved forward to stand in front of the image.

"We want Doris the scythian dracanae, not Doris the… whoever this is."

He half expected the image to ignore him, but after a moment of static the image shifted to a lady with glasses, who was frowning at them.

"Well sorry, next time give me a location to make sure I've got the right person. How was I supposed to know you didn't mean Doris the ocean nymph? You could have also meant Doris the Amazon! See Fleecy, this is what I have to deal with all day."

Then the image shifted again to show a familiar scythian dracanae inside of her apartment. She wasn't alone though, and was on the ground with her limbs wrapped around Rainbow. The two soon rolled out of the picture, but mild grunts, panting, and groans could be heard.

"Okay, okay, I think we've seen enough." Said the Ares kid, swiping his hand through the image just as it started to emit a scream.

"What? They're just fighting over the remote again. They did that several times while we were at hotels. Rainbow always won." Hector tried to explain.

One of the older kids patted him on the head, which made him feel angry inside. Only his sister and Rainbow were allowed to do that! Only they did it in a way that wasn't dismissive of him!

"You keep thinking that way kid. Keep your innocence a little while longer. Besides, look at the bright side, you definitely proved you weren't lying."

There were several groans and money began exchanging hands again.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in Doris's Apartment…**

"VICTORY!" Doris screamed, having finally won a battle over the remote with Rainbow. She had been sure she was going to lose again when Rainbow suddenly seemed distracted, allowing her to snatch the remote and victory from the pegasus's hooves.

"We can finally stop watching the boring news channels and catch up on Loony Tunes." She declared.

Rainbow got to her hooves nearby, a frown on her muzzle. "I could have sworn we were being watched…"

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in the Underworld...**

Eris hummed to herself as she wandered through the Underworld. The Fields of Punishment were so nice this time of year. All the screaming, wailing, and suffering brought warmth to her ancient heart.

She hopped over Sisyphus and his boulder, kicking a rock so that the man would trip on it during his next attempt. She skipped past a man being boiled in cheese fondue for eternity, and made it seem like the one being boiled had insulted the boiler's choice in cheese. She heard an argument between the two break out as she jumped towards where the pirates were kept.

As a personified spirit of discord, strife, and all the other good stuff, it felt nice to just be herself. It felt even better when she passed a man forced to walk the plank for eternity, and shoved him off herself. As he found himself back at the beginning of the plank, he glared at her. Her smiled widened.

She had always loved pirates. They were such great creators of strife, men after her own heart. They plundered, they held hostages, they murdered, they interrupted the mail service, and a hundred other things. She'd even thrown them a bone every now and then, convincing a few monarchs and governors to hand out pardons to pirates who renounced their ways. This gave her favored mortals a chance to rest for a year or two and not burn themselves out, before they inevitably returned to piracy.

Well, some inevitably returned. She always left a 'gift' to those who seemed like they were planning on leaving the life fully.

She paused as she came to one pirate in particular, a man begging for his crew to save him from drowning. She watched for a few minutes as the shades of his crew watched impassively, and their 'leader' eventually dipped below the water. Then he reappeared about a foot in the air and the process began all over again.

Ahh yes, she remembered this man well. She'd toyed with him a few times in his career, and when she'd heard that he was thinking about settling down she might have interfered with his plans. But that was centuries ago, why did she feel like he'd cropped up in her mind in the past months?

She paused, deep in thought. She ignored his pleas for aid, and reviewed the recent events that had caused the most strife. She got about halfway down her top 10 most discordant events of the past year when she struck gold.

Her smile widened, and she double checked that the Furies and other assorted security guards weren't paying attention. She then marched over and plucked the pirate captain from his predicament, and carried him to shore. As the shades of his crew chittered among themselves, the captain embraced her legs.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" He repeated over and over, tears getting on her black toga.

Eww. She'd have to wash her clothes later.

Normally one of the prisoners here would have known better than to do that to someone like her. Most inmates of the Fields of Punishment were kept as mentally intact as they had been the day they died. It seemed like this man had started to lose it before his death. His crew were among the exceptions to the rule, as they were only here as a form of their captain's punishment. Their existence was essentially the same as any other member of the Asphodel Fields, except that they stood here to form part of their captain's punishment.

In fact, on second look it seemed like some of the shades weren't actually members of this man's crew. She recognized a man who served under Calico Jack and another who served under Bartholomew Roberts. She'd wager that other members of this captain's crew had also been condemned to eternal tortures, and Hades had roped in a few other shades to fill in those missing gaps. It's not like the shades noticed the difference in scenery.

She kicked the captain off of her feet. As he sat in a quivering ball, she thought on exactly how she'd play this. She'd need to get these men out of here, get them a ship, and tell them of a few recent events. She'd also need to restore them to their full mental faculties, and prevent Thanatos or the Furies from finding them.

The easiest way to do that would be to empower them with a little essence from herself, like Ares did for the shades that crewed his ghost ships. But that was too easily tracked back to herself, and lacked any sort of pizazz to it.

She reviewed her inventory of appropriated items. Three golden apples, one golden mango from the Hermes twins, two of Cupid's arrows, two of Apollo's arrows (one the invisible killing kind, one the pestilence causing kind), every single customer complaint to Hermes' delivery service, some of Poseidon's nose hair, a cornucopia of cursed objects, a bag of Theoria's feathers…

Oh yes, that would do. Her newest baby sister had been extremely diligent in destroying those most of the time. Key words being most of the time. In addition to the few that she'd managed to nab over the decades, she'd had a windfall from a monster's hideout that was being secured by the police. Her sister had been too occupied with that monster she eventually moved in with to notice little ol' Eris sneaking around.

Those two were an odd pair. It'd make a lot more sense if they were lovers, but to her surprise and disappointment that wasn't the case. There wasn't as much fun in screwing with people who, well, weren't screwing. So she'd left them alone for the time being.

But this opportunity was too good to pass up. She quickly wove some spellwork into the feathers, taking care to remove any trace of her own essence as she did so. If the spells functioned correctly, they would make the holder both more cognizant and hidden from the senses of any immortals. She pressed the first into the hands of one of the shades.

To her satisfaction, he both disappeared from her more mystical senses and looked around in shock. She passed out the rest to the other shades, and was left with only two feathers. She repeated the process on the first, doubling the mental reinforcements and handed it to the captain. The other she simply scrubbed clean of her essence before letting it fall to the ground.

After all, wasn't it the duty of every older sister to pick on their younger ones?

Author's Note:

Anybody want to play a rousing game of Who's That Pirate? As a hint, this takes place a few months after The Sea of Monsters.


	32. Doris and the Pirates of the Caribbean

As summer neared its end, I enjoyed a wonderful day in Central Park.

Central Park is a great place to visit. It's a great place to birdwatch, or feed the pigeons like the little old lady across from me was doing. It's also a great place to sun yourself if you're a scythian dracanae like myself. In general, it's a great place to relax. I closed my eyes, stretched out, and basked in the sun.

I felt someone else sit on the bench beside me. "It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" I asked.

I heard a chittering noise, sort of like the sounds bats make. I opened my eyes and realized that my companion was a well-dressed skeleton.

I managed to keep from screaming. It wouldn't have done any good, and might have given the little old lady a heart attack. Instead I scooped up my new (and improved!) spear off of the ground and bared it just in case.

The dead weren't that scary, I told myself. Mestra was completely right when she said that the dead were to be pitied, they weren't something the Greeks had feared. Aside from its sudden appearance, the skeleton wasn't scaring me any more than the sudden realization that there was a skeleton inside of me all along.

Unless of course, a small voice whispered in the back of my mind, I had ticked off Hades somehow. In that case I was boned, quite literally. But typically the armies of the damned didn't consist of one unarmed mook in fine clothing, so I figured that wasn't happening.

"So, nice weather we're having?" I asked. Pity, not fear, I reminded myself.

I totally wasn't shaking.

The skeleton chittered and began to move. I'd almost started to bash its skull in with my spear before I realized that it was simply handing me something. I lowered my weapon and carefully took the envelope from its hand.

I looked down. On it, in fancy handwriting that would make John Hancock proud, were two simple words. _'To Theoria'._

Oh no. I had hoped Rainbow had taken my request to make the telemarketers go away as the joke it had been and not a literal request.

I looked back up at the skeleton, which chittered at me again. "I'll make sure to get this to her." I said.

The skeleton chittered before collapsing into a pile of bones before me. Huh. I should probably make myself scarce before some mortal saw those bones and wondered what I was doing near them. On second thought, I should also make sure that the little old lady doesn't see them and freak out.

* * *

"Hey Rainbow, you got a skelo-gram." I called as I entered my apartment.

When Rainbow had fulfilled her second favor by getting me a new spear almost two months ago, I had half expected her to leave afterwards. To my delight the protogenos had hung around. Well, she mostly hung around. Every now and then she vanished for a day or two, but she always showed back up within the week. Usually with a box of some old metal engine parts.

I wasn't sure what was up with that.

The pegasus got up from the couch and approached me. "A what?"

"You know, a skelo-gram. It's what the Rich One does when he wants to deliver mail and scare the daylights out of a monster at the same time."

"Hades gave you mail for me?" She asked, tilting her head. This time it was a proper head tilt, none of that 90 degree nonsense she'd been doing earlier.

I nodded and handed her the letter. Her wings reached out and plucked the envelope from my hands in an impressive display of dexterity. That or an impressive violation of pegasus anatomy, it was kind of hard to tell with Rainbow.

She tore it open with her mouth and pulled out the contents. A frown came across her muzzle.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"There was a recent breakout from the Underworld. It seems that I am the primary suspect."

"Well… you didn't do it, right?"

She shook her head. "I've never had reason to enter the Fields of Punishment, much less release one of its inmates. Hades has summoned me to a meeting though, one that I will have to attend."

I shivered at the thought. "Are you sure that's safe? He's pretty powerful, what if he doesn't believe you?"

"To refuse would seem to indicate my guilt. Hades is typically quite fair in his dealings, I should be able to resolve this." Then she gave me a small smile. "Don't worry, I can take care of myself."

"Be safe, and don't do anything stupid." I urged her.

* * *

 **Meanwhile, in Jamestown, Virginia**

Eris smiled as she watched her newest pawns throw the last of the museum staff on the recreated _Susan Constant_ overboard and into the water. She laughed as the man screamed invectives as he swam the short distance to shore. Puny mortals, thinking their words could affect something like her.

She then focused on more spellwork, weaving a veil from the Mist that would hide the vessel from the inevitable mortal search parties, but still show that _something_ was there. It wouldn't do to have the vessel sunk in a collision. She followed it up with one last little bit of magic that touched up the vessel into a proper sea-going ship, then once again scrubbed any trace of her presence.

Walking down into the ship's cabin, she unloaded numerous nautical charts she had acquired from a harbor shop, as well as a few other tools and trinkets her pawns would likely need. Chief among them were weapons, many of which she had pilfered from Ares over the years.

How ironic.

"My lady, I cannot thank you enough." Spoke the ship's captain.

She sniffed. "No, you certainly cannot. You can, however, repay me with copious amounts of violence, strife, and general mayhem."

The specter grinned. "I will have my revenge."

Author's Note:

This chapter felt a little rough to me.

By the way, there's still time to play our favorite game, Who's that Pirate?


	33. Rainbow in the Underworld

To get to the Underworld, Theoria chose to go through the Door of Orpheus.

Orpheus had been a demigod so talented at music that he had charmed the very earth into making a path to the Underworld for him. He had almost succeeding in bringing his dead wife back to life, but at the last moment he had looked back. The door had later shifted to New York, as much of mythological Greece had.

When she had left her mother's mansion in tartarus over a year ago, she had used this path as a shortcut. While the exit might have been sealed, the passage still remembered the music of millennia ago, and was forcibly coaxed into parting for her. The deciding factor was that it exited into Central Park, not too far from her destination.

As she slipped past the cordoned-off section of the park the door was located in, she felt some regret for her actions. In her haste to go inform Hermes of her idea, she _might_ have caused just enough damage to prevent the door from ever fully closing again. It was a terrible idea in any case, and in retrospect she understood why he was so angry with her. She wished his reaction hadn't been so violent, but then she would have never met Doris.

She had feared that the damage done to this priceless remnant of ancient history might have provoked a response. So far, Hades had posted a security skeleton at the bottom and her mother had (eventually) congratulated her on learning how to make a dramatic exit. Aside from that nothing had come of it.

* * *

When Hades had demanded requested a meeting with her, Theoria wasn't sure what to expect.

The Underworld's mightiest guards could meet her as a show of force. A more peaceful approach would be for a single shade to escort her to a meeting chamber. Hades himself greeting her was not out of the possibilities. In fact, Hades, with his invisibility-granting Helm of Darkness, could be stalking her at this very moment.

She paused, then slipped out of her 'Rainbow' guise and into her natural form. She spread herself into a fine mist, and drenched her surroundings with her presence. She searched herself intently for any disturbances, any pockets where she could not reach, or… well… anything that wasn't the wall or herself.

After a moment, she re-condensed and donned her normal guise. If Hades was present in the passage with her, none of her senses could detect him. When she got to the base of the passage, she found her welcoming party.

She had _not_ expected Mestra in a fancy dress. Here in the Underworld, the undead shapeshifter looked very different. Her skin was like ivory, her cheeks were sunken in, and her hair was ragged. Her facial expression, to pardon the pun, looked grim.

"Lord Hades is extremely angry. I don't think the Furies have been more wary of his presence since his Helm of Darkness was stolen last year."

Theoria frowned. "If his anger is with me, it is misplaced."

Mestra didn't answer. Instead, she turned and led Theoria deeper into the Underworld. Eventually she was lead to a room with a long table. Hades sat at the head, idly cutting a fruit.

Unsure of how to react, Theoria stood in the entranceway. Considering what Mestra had told her, she was expecting at least _some_ reaction out of her host. Yet Hades simply continued cutting his fruit up into small pieces, and then slowly ate it.

When he swallowed the last piece a minute later, she tensed. Hades didn't look up, but he slowly put down his silverware and spoke.

"Please, have a seat. I would offer you a drink and some food, but it tends to have a rather unpleasant side effect."

She slowly trotted over to the indicated chair and sat down. She was thankful for the size of her typical guise, a full-grown pegasus would not have fit comfortably. She wasn't sure if shifting form would be considered appropriate.

"Now I seem to have a problem. There was a recent breakout from the Fields of Punishment. The pirate Stede Bonnet and his crew have seemingly vanished, with the only trace being a single feather."

Hades looked up, and for the first time in her life Theoria felt true fear. Dark fires burned in those orbs, and it was then she realized that apart from her own mother, Hades was the most powerful person she had ever met. His hand reached below the table, and produced a feather.

 _Her feather._

"Explain to me why this was found at the scene." Said Hades as he stood up to his full stature.

She felt extremely small.

She couldn't speak fast enough. "I swear on the River Styx that I did not participate in the breakout."

Thunder boomed.

There was a flicker in Hades's eyes, but otherwise his face remained impassive. "However ill-advised it may be, oaths on the River Styx can be broken. In addition, do not think your presence here in the Underworld has gone unnoticed."

She flinched. Now her attempt to keep abreast of events had backfired, and her best defense was useless. "I might watch the newly-arrived dead, but I've never entered the Fields of Punishment. You've never objected to my presence in your realm before."

"You used to be a denizen of tartarus. Don't mistake my toleration of your antics to mean I condone them. In the future a guard will be present with you at all times you are in the Underworld, but not tartarus."

Her… well she didn't have a heart, but something inside of rose at that statement. Probably the essence that surrounded her lungs and vocal cords.

"So you believe that I am not responsible?"

Hades picked up her feather and examined it intently for a moment. "I believe that it would be incredibly reckless and idiotic for you to break a group out of the Underworld so successfully, yet leave behind such an obvious piece of evidence. Either you are involved, or someone wants to make it seem like you are involved."

He threw the feather into the air, and a cold breeze slowly floated it in her direction.

"Find the pirates. Bring them back to me so that I may… question them about who was truly responsible. They will feel my wrath."

Her feather landed before her, and she snapped it up in her mouth. Huh, it tasted… sad.

"Before you leave, a word of advice. Shades often return to places that were familiar to them in life. From what I remember of Bonnet, that would be Barbados and the Carolinas. I care not how you find him and the other pirates, nor whom you work with. But do not return to my presence without them. Mestra, escort her out of the Underworld!"

She fled his presence as quickly as was possible. After a few seconds she paused and reoriented herself. Tartarus had not been her destination.

Author's Note:

From what I understand, Stede Bonnet was a pirate of the early 1700's. He met up with Blackbeard, who for a variety of factors (most notably Bonnet's crew wanting an experienced commander) ended up taking over command of Bonnet's ship. Bonnet ended up stuck as a 'guest' of Blackbeard for months, with very few of his crew actually loyal to Bonnet. Later the two would go for a pardon, and when Bonnet returned to go take his ship and change careers to privateering, he found that Blackbeard had beached Bonnet's ship, stolen most of his supplies, and taken all the plunder. Bonnet tried to go after Blackbeard, but couldn't catch up with him. He ended up stuck with low supplies and started being a pirate again to rectify this. He was captured on the orders of the Governor of South Carolina, and brought to Charleston, a city he along with Blackbeard had laid siege to. There he was tried and hanged, along with the majority of his crew. There were reports that his mental health was in serious decline at the time.

So his eternal punishment is dying with his crew not helping him. As he was once helpless despite being surrounded by 'allies', he is forever trapped that way. Eris's present to his pardon attempt was to help inspire Blackbeard to turn on him while he was gone. Neither Blackbeard nor Bonnet know of Eris's role in that, and she certainly isn't telling.

In the PJO books, Blackbeard is a son of Ares who, instead of dying in his final battle, somehow wound up on Circe's island in the Sea of Monsters (Bermuda Triangle). Circe, who in PJO has a more hardline stance against men than freaking [I]Artemis[/I], turned him and his crew into immortal guinea pigs. When Percy gets turned into a guinea pig for the crime of being male, Annabeth restores all the transformed guinea pigs (with medicine provided by Hermes) because she can't tell which is Percy. Blackbeard and his crew, now immune to Circe's magic due to the Hermes medicine, promptly burns down and takes over the place, while Percy and Annabeth steal his ship and leave.

Eris freed Bonnet and told him about this. So Bonnet, with his restored and pissed crew, are going after the guy who got most of them hanged by stealing all their stuff. The few other guys with them got outvoted on what to do. Blackbeard is running the ruins of an island resort like his own fief, where all the men are pirates and all the woman are the workers for the goddess who turned said pirates into animals.

I… _really_ pity the all-female staff of that island.


	34. Theoria and the Olympians

Before she returned to the apartment, Theoria made a quick stop. Before her lay the strawberry fields of Camp Half-Blood in all of their glory. A lone satyr was making his way through them, charming the plants with his reed pipes. She wasn't an expert on crops, but it looked like harvest time was nearing.

Her knowledge of the camp was not as great as she would have liked. Her mother's description of the camp had been brief, and much of what she knew came from her own… ranged observations. Those had promptly ended a few months back when Thalia's tree had been poisoned.

Thalia's tree was quite important to the camp. It had previously been a daughter of Zeus, who had been transformed by her father moments before her death. It powered the wards and border for Camp Half-Blood, and marked the spot where campers traditionally entered.

She stood next to the tree in question, which had a glittering sheepskin draped high in its boughs. That was probably the Golden Fleece, which had been retrieved by Clarisse La Rue. Theoria's duplicate on Olympus couldn't help but overhear Ares bragging about the actions of his daughter. The war god wouldn't shut up about it.

The tree seemed to be doing much better than when she had last seen it. The leaves looked healthy, the limbs were thick, and the border felt strong. There was a sort of pervading emptiness though, and she briefly wondered what that might mean. Perhaps Thalia's spirit had finally moved on to the Underworld?

She heard two voices approaching, and swiveled her ears to better listen in.

"As I've told you, ever since Thalia's tree was healed and the border restored, border patrol is a boring and useless task. You just march in a large circle around the camp."

"But Travis told me about the pizza delivery guy! Can't mortals sometimes get through?" Asked a familiar voice.

A sigh. "Yes, every decade or so a _really_ lost mortal shows up on the beach or something, but that isn't likely to ever happen while you're on the job. The most I've ever found when the border was strong was a monster that got themselves stuck halfway through the wards."

"I'm pretty good at finding things. I bet I'll find the coolest thing ever while on border patrol!"

"Calm down kid. If you use that much enthusiasm on something boring like border patrol you won't have anything left for the really fun parts of camp. You're going to be a hot commodity in capture the flag."

A ghost of a smile came across her face. She couldn't pass up this opportunity. She marched around the tree to face the approaching campers.

Hector, covered in bits and pieces of ill-fitting armor and toting a sword half his own height began to hobble his way over. His companion was a much larger kid in a well-kept set of battle armor, who stared at her in shock.

She felt small arms circle around her, and she raised a wing to pat the boy on the head.

"So… what're you doing here?"

She chose her words carefully. "I would like to speak with the camp's director."

Hector pouted. "What do you want to speak with that old- erm, I mean what do you want to see Mr. D for?"

"Be careful what you call him." She warned.

"Yeah, yeah, everyone keeps saying that. I don't see what the big deal is, all he does is drink diet coke all day and play cards with Chiron. Can't you just come by to say hi to me or something?"

"Your mother took a rather dim view of our association together."

That was putting it mildly. Her sister Hecate had wanted her son to remain safely at Camp Half-Blood, believing he was too young. Theoria was of the opinion that if her nephew wanted to leave to save his father, he had the right to make the attempt (with proper supervision of course). Hecate had responded with a wordless scream of frustration, and made it clear she didn't want Theoria purposely interfering with Hector's life ever again.

Theoria wondered if her sister had learned about Clifford, the big black hellhound yet.

Fortunately, Hecate's emphatic request that Theoria stay away from Hector was just that, a request. Theoria had already thought up several ways to get around it. One way was for her to go to Camp Half-Blood for totally unrelated reasons and the demigod just _happen_ to be there at the same time. Other loopholes were if she were to visit his mortal sister or his mortal father.

"Eh, I've only seen her once anyways, and that was when she was talking with dad. You're much cooler and actually showed up."

She gave him another pat on the head, then trotted down towards the camp below. Hector followed along behind her as she headed towards the large house between her and the strawberry fields. Theoria ignored the few startled campers they passed on the way.

On the porch of the house was a pudgy man, wearing a spotted Hawaiian shirt and sitting in a rocking chair. He didn't even open his eyes as they approached, but did speak up. "You're interrupting my siesta. What do you want?"

Hector opened his mouth and words immediately began to spill out. "So I was on border patrol with Sherman, and he was all like 'blah blah, border patrol is boring, stop being so happy, blah blah'."

The man before him snorted. "Sounds about right."

"I was like 'I bet I'll find something cool one day while on border patrol', and he said 'no, you won't'. And then we got to Thalia's tree, although I don't think that's a good name for it. Shouldn't we call it Thalia's ex-tree now? The tree that used to be Thalia? The ex-Thalia tree? Anyways, we got to the tree that once had Thalia in it, like a pea in a pod, and we came across Rainbow here. Sherman was all like 'wow, border patrol is the most exciting thing ever, I should have believed you!' and Rainbow was like 'I need to speak with Mr. D'."

The man still didn't open his eyes. "Fine. What does the newbie want? Newbie is what the kids are calling new people, right Hutchins boy?"

An angry expression came across Hector's face. "Don't call her that!"

Fear shot through Theoria, and she took a half-step closer to the boy. Just in case.

The man continued to rock back and forth in the chair. "I'll call her whatever I want to. She's almost as young as Pac-Man, so she's a newbie. Now why is she here?"

"Like I said, she said she wanted to speak to you."

"Well get it over with. You're wasting my highly valuable time."

She bowed low to the ground. "Lord Dionysus, I would like to request an audience with the Oracle."

Dionysus cracked open an eye, and looked at her. A chill crept down her body, and her senses screamed at her. Hades might have been more powerful, but Dionysus could _break_ her in ways she could never heal from.

He studied her for a moment. Theoria fought to keep perfectly still, ignoring her instincts that screamed at her to back away, to flee, to do anything other than stand here before this man.

Dionysus snorted, then closed his eye. "What do I care? Just know that if you break my brother's toy, he'll be very angry."

* * *

She passed all sorts of objects throughout the attic. The collected trophies of demigods from the past few centuries were piled up throughout the room. She even passed the Sword of Damocles, tossed next to a pair of fuzzy dice.

One might think that just tossing them here would be quite irresponsible. Many of these items could be quite dangerous, and it's not like the same man who stole Zeus's Master Bolt hadn't worked at this very camp as the consular of the Hermes Cabin.

One would be wrong to think that. These artifacts were protected by the most powerful woman of ancient Greece. The spirit of the Oracle of Delphi.

In the corner of the room, the mummy that housed the Oracle sat in a chair. Light from the window illuminated her tie-dye t-shirt, but her head was shrouded in darkness. Theoria bowed before the Oracle, as one had to always be careful when dealing with prophecies.

"Can you tell me how I can find the pirate Stede Bonnet."

Nothing happened. She waited a few minutes, but it was clear that if the mummy had any answer for her, she wasn't sharing.

Theoria frowned. Glancing left and right, she crept closer to the mummy.

She double checked that she and the Oracle were alone in the attic before whispering. "Can you tell me how to avoid the coming darkness? Is there any way I can change the future?"

Nothing happened. The Oracle's face remained in the shadows.

She snorted. Of course the Oracle wouldn't help her. She turned around to leave and found herself muzzle to knee with a man reclining in a chair with a lyre.

"Sorry about that, there's been some technical difficulties with the Oracle the last couple of decades. Well, difficulties in appearance, at least, I can attest that the prophesying abilities of the Oracle are working just fine."

"Lord Apollo." She said with another bow.

"None of that." He said, waving his arms as if to chase away her words. "Just call me Apollo." He then picked up his lyre and took in a deep breath.

Oh no. He was about to start a haiku. Rather than give him the opportunity to start, she quickly interrupted him. It might have been rude, but if there was anything that Olympus laughed about more than her it was Apollo's terrible haikus.

"Is there anything you can tell me about how to change my future?"

His eyes darkened, and his grip on the lyre grew tight. "The young are foolish, and rarely listen to their elders. If you've caught a glimpse of the future, you are best off not fighting it. The more you strive to stop the future, the more you have a hand in creating it."

What did he know of this? He was Apollo, the slayer of the mighty Python! Someone with his level of power could easily destroy all but the strongest of foes. He didn't have to worry like she did. He didn't have to work with nearly as much uncertainty.

She almost asked him what he could possibly know, but decided not to. He was the god of prophecies after all. But when was the last time that he had been weak when compared to his foes? What would he do if faced with what she was?

"I'll take that under advisement." She said with a bow, then turned to leave. She got the feeling that Apollo didn't believe her, but he didn't move to stop her either.

She exited the attic. She passed by Chiron in the hallway, whose eyes widened comically. She gave him a wave with a wing, but kept trotting. She needed to be elsewhere.

On the outside, Dionysus was seemingly asleep in his chair. Hector joined her as she trotted past him.

"So how'd it go?"

She couldn't find any reason to lie. "Poorly."

"Oh, sorry to hear that. Is there anything I can help with?"

She shook her head. "Not unless you own a boat or a pirate detector."

She took off, heading back to Doris's apartment.

* * *

Three hours later, she realized she'd made a wrong turn at Albuquerque.

Author's Note:

I wanted to have Apollo hit on Rainbow (as he hits on basically anything female… and most things male), but I couldn't come up with a shitty haiku for him to say. So I had her stop him in his tracks.


End file.
